I'm Not as Young as I Used to Be

I've been fortunate enough this year to finally have a job where I can have health insurance and regular doctor's visits again. It had been a while... 4 years, in fact. A lot can change in those 4 years; I think at the top of that list is the things that bug you but you were willing to let them slide now become worth mentioning, so you can do something about them.

I realized this at my initial doctor's visit when the nurse came in to go over my health history with me. She, of course, needs to know everything that's ever been wrong with me so if anything else comes up, we can see where I've been and what may have caused it. I like to think I've led a relatively healthy existence, topped by the fact that I managed to go over 33 years of my life without having to go to the hospital for anything. That's pretty damn impressive considering I've known a lot of people who have gone through broken bones, surgeries, and assorted other maladies. However, once I started listing off various "little things" I've had over the years (both serious and not-so-serious), I realized that they add up. By the time I was done, I felt a lot older than I did when I walked in.

Having not been to a doctor for a while, they wanted me to go get blood work to make sure things were on the up-and-up, so one Saturday morning, I found myself at a local diagnostic place getting blood taken out of me. Let me say right here that I HATE having blood taken out of me. There isn't much of me to begin with... so it doesn't take much to make me... well, woozy. I remember one time in particular when I had to get blood work and got so loopy that I couldn't stop laughing at anything and everything ("cheesy radio commercial... that's SO FUNNY!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!") I've also realized over the years that I have to look away while this happening because the very sight makes me, to use the proper medical term, oogy.

Well, obviously I'm not the first person who ever got light-headed when going in for blood work, so they put me in what can best be described as an "adult high chair." As in a chair with a step for your feet, and a tray that comes down over you so you don't pitch forward and pass out onto the floor. Not a bad idea. So the nurse bleeds me, and when she's done, I look over and count 5 vials of what was previously flowing through my body. My first thought: "Gee, that's a LOT of vials." My second thought: "Whhhhhhooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaa..." The nurse leaves the room and I decide that I better start concentrating on staying lucid, but easier said than done. As I'm thinking about stuff, my mind wanders as it will... then I realized that my mind wasn't the only thing wandering. Apparently, my body had decided that being stuck in an adult high chair was not going to prevent me from passing out; by the time I had realized what was going on, I had wriggled halfway out of the thing. This led to what would have been a hilarious sight to see if anyone had witnessed it... me clumsily trying to prop myself back up in the damn chair. But the human body is an amazing thing, and within 20 minutes, I was back to normal and drove home.

Happily, I can tell you there was nothing wrong there, but I did have one issue that at my still relatively young age, I felt I needed to check out, some recurring aches and pains from working out that should not be happening. Well, the doctor informed that in order to get an MRI cleared, I first had to get an X-ray... which meant my first-ever trip to a hospital. Checking in was easy enough; they told me where to go and everything. Then, they had the brilliant move of giving me not one, but TWO hospital gowns. Tie one in the front, and then you don't have the awkwardness of trying to keep your backside from being exposed to the world. Why did nobody think of this sooner? Probably the hassle and expense of having to launder twice as many hospital gowns, I'll be. Anyway, I go into the room with the X-ray machines, and a rookie lab technician is instructing me on which way to contort myself so they can get the proper angle on the X-rays, but she's giving me a lot of medical jargon, and her supervisor has to keep telling her to translate into English so I'll understand. I'm sure that's pretty normal among people in or just out of med school... that's what they know because it's all they've studied over the last few years of their lives. I understand the feeling; I told the assistant that I could always spend a few minutes talking about dense communication theory to get back at her.

That day was nearly two months ago... and I know nothing is seriously wrong with me in those X-rays because I would have been told. Instead, I went through the process of getting the results to my doctor, and the next move is up to me as to whether to get the MRI. Of course, in the time since these X-rays were taken, I switched to a different pre-workout stretching regimen, and have had minimal problems. So naturally, I now am in no hurry to find out what was wrong with me (or may still be, but it's lying dormant, as it were). If it ain't broke (or painful), don't fix it. Yeah, I know, that's the wrong way to approach things, but let me enjoy feeling young for as long as I possibly can. I know it's not going to last forever...

For Now, Dick Clark... So Long

How did I first learn who Dick Clark was? I got sick...

When I was a kid back in the 80s, if I ever got sick and had to miss school, that meant laying on the couch and recuperating by watching daytime television. In the mornings, this meant game shows. Back in the days before you had a Game Show Network, the big 3 TV networks each rolled out a slate of game shows each morning between the morning news shows and the noon local newscasts. For me, I stuck with CBS, which meant that from 10-Noon, Sick Dave was watching "The $25,000 Pyramid," "Press Your Luck," and "The Price Is Right." A lot of people my age did the same thing, which is how we all know to avoid the Whammy, we all remember Bob Barker before he had gray hair... and we all knew Dick Clark as the congenial host of the "Pyramid." The "Mystery 7," the "7-11," the cuckoo noise when someone screwed up a clue, "Here is your first subject... ready... go..." And of course, the signature salute when Dick wrapped up another episode.

I eventually knew he did that "other" show, "American Bandstand," because my sister occasionally watched it on Saturday afternoons, but I was too young to understand what was going on there. I didn't appreciate that show and its contributions to our cultural world until the show had gone off the air and I had to rely on anniversary specials and VH-1 reruns. And of course, Dick Clark did "New Year's Rockin' Eve"... which I didn't watch all that often because if I was staying up on New Year's Eve, I was out doing stuff. Oh, and he did "Bloopers and Practical Jokes" with Ed McMahon... and what kid didn't love watching TV people screw up their lines? In those days, Dick Clark had a regular series on all 3 major networks AT THE SAME TIME. That's how big a deal he was. Even Elementary School Dave recognized that...

Dick Clark passed away this week. Jokes about the Mayans being right aside, it doesn't feel like we should live in a world without Dick Clark. He was so ever-present in culture for so long, even though by the 90s, we really only saw him on New Year's Eve. Then he had a stroke, came back to continue doing segments on New Year's Eve, and a lot of people spent a lot of time talking about whether or not he should be on the air in his post-stroke state. Yes, it was sad, some thought it to be an ego trip, but quite frankly, when you've done so much for pop culture, if you've got your wits about you enough to want to keep doing what you love, don't let comedians and "shock jocks" stop you. So put me down on the side of people who were okay with continuing to see him every December 31st all the way up to the end.

My students and those who are younger will have to rely on YouTube to understand what Dick Clark did before the turn of the millennium... and there is no shortage of stuff to look at, fortunately. I've spent much of the last few days looking at "American Bandstand" clips posted by Clark's production company and others who did so in not-quite-legal fashion. In a world that didn't have cable television, music videos, or even widespread FM radio, Dick Clark introduced America's youth to the greats of rock music and the must-have dance moves of the era. And he did this as the host of "Bandstand" for over three decades. Even after MTV became a central part of the music industry, artists from Madonna to Tears for Fears to DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince all knew that they had to do "Bandstand" in order to reach the masses. Yeah, these video clips now largely look like museum pieces, but I'm a classic TV junkie, and I think that anyone who wants to know where we came from as a culture has to include Dick Clark in that research.

And of course, he gave us the American Music Awards, a made-for-TV event that came to be the anti-Grammys. I may have devoted a blog entry or two to the way Dick Clark ran this show a decade or so ago (most notably, when I squirmed over his appearance in drag to open an AMA show around '01 or '02), but he was always working to get the most popular artists out to the people, even if for a time that included (*shudder*) 'N Sync. The guy could pick a hit, whether it was music or television. His influence continues to this day... did you know he was indirectly responsible for "So You Think You Can Dance?"

Also, I may have spent much of the afternoon watching episodes of the original 1970s "$20,000 Pyramid" on YouTube. There was a time when celebrities on game shows was not reason for a Will Ferrell/Darrell Hammond sketch on "SNL"... it was actually a regular occurrence with halfway decent stars appearing on shows like "Pyramid," "Password," and "Match Game." By the 80s, it was C-listers from "Gimme a Break" and "Webster," but the games were still the same. And the host guided things along, sharing the laughs, asking the questions, setting the contestants down during their anxious moments. There will always be debate about who was the best, but many say it was Dick Clark. I'll bet it's because people of a certain age ALREADY trusted him... because they grew up watching him on "Bandstand." If you trust a guy enough to listen to the songs he plays because "it's got a good beat and you can dance to it," then you're gonna trust him when you're about to face the task of identifying six categories for $25,000.

Most of the obituaries I've read for Dick Clark mention his ties to the payola scandals of the late 1950s and how he survived the scandals while others didn't; they also mention how "cool" or "uncool" he was (or both), the fact that he went to Syracuse University (the first of the many media superstars to come from that school)... and of course, the fact that he never seemed to age. I think a lot of that perception came from the fact that he always looked like he was having a blast at whatever he was doing, be it sitting among a crowd of teenagers and introducing Stevie Wonder or Def Leppard, trading one-liners with Vicki Lawrence about her ability to give clues, or freezing his ass off in Times Square. The guy had FUN. He loved his job... and yeah, he made a ton of money at what he did. But I think the lesson here is that we should all be so lucky to do something we visibly enjoy so much as Dick Clark did. Anyone who saw him on TV noticed that, even a sick kid laying on the couch in suburban Upstate New York... who in the years since has been known to occasionally throw a half-salute of his own to people he knows when passing in the hallways. Yeah, I think I subconsciously ripped that off from Dick Clark... but I love what I'm doing these days, so why not reflect the mannerisms of a prominent someone who lived a good life and did it right for so many decades with so many people watching. So let's all send one nice salute to one of the true greats of the music and entertainment industry, Dick Clark. So long...

The "End of the World" Election

Rick Santorum is out of the race for the GOP nomination. Whether you believe he dropped out because of his daughter's illness or you believe he dropped out in order to avoid an embarrassing primary loss in his home state, the GOP race is officially over. Yes, I know Newt Gingrich is still in it until the convention, and he's convinced that all of Santorum's supporters will go to him, enabling him to compete with Mitt Romney... but that's just delusional. So now we enter what is sometimes referred to as the "silly season," that period between the end of the primary races and the party conventions at the end of the summer when nobody really cares about the presidential election and the candidates only make headlines for inane reasons. Then again, we could also say we've BEEN in the "silly season" for quite a while now...

I say this because most of what passes for "political commentary" these days is nothing but silly. I'm not just talking about all the to-do over birth control that followed the Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke controversy. I don't merely mean the GOP candidates flipping out when President Obama commented on the shooting of Trayvon Martin. I mean the ongoing overuse of hyperbole-as-opinion that has been attached to this presidential election, virtually since not long after President Obama took his oath of office. I'm not sure if you know this, but judging by the comments of those on both sides of the aisle, the world will come to an end if either major presidential candidate gets elected. Let's just call it for what it is... there are several different scenarios playing out right now, depending on who you talk to, but in all of them, there is the distinct possibility that November 6th will usher in the endtimes.

Left-wing Democrat: If Mitt Romney wins the election, America is over. Corporations will own this country, the government will only cater to rich White men, the rights of women and minorities will be rolled back to the 19th century (or earlier), all unions will cease to exist, and the Earth will be destroyed.

Right-wing Republican: If Barack Obama is re-elected, America is over. Obama will turn this country into a socialist/communist dictatorship, taxes will skyrocket, the government will own the country... and then there is the "secret agenda" the president hasn't told us about. China will take over when we collapse under the weight of our debt, if the terrorists don't blow us all sky-high first.

Tea Party Republican: No matter who wins the election, America is over, because both major candidates favor socialist programs like RomneyCare and we will collapse under the weight of our debt.

Occupy Wall Street Member: No matter who wins the election, America is over, because corporations already own this country (and both parties), and the only people who can be elected president are rich people with billionaire donors like the Koch brothers and George Soros.

Perhaps it's fitting that this is all happening in 2012, because to hear the rhetoric going around, you'd think there was a vast majority of Americans who think the Mayans were right. Of course, part of the reason for all of this is that the Republican Party has gone so far to the right that there is legitimate fear of all the things they could do with the White House. At least when the House introduced bill after bill that had no shot in hell of becoming law, it was only for political gamesmanship and we didn't have to worry about it. Meanwhile, the Democrats do us no favors by insisting that there is no reason to even INTRODUCE a budget for next year. The president does us no favors by stating that it would be "unprecedented" for the Supreme Court of the United States to use its 200-year tradition of judicial review to throw out the 2010 health care law. And trotting out the "War on Women" label is no better than right-wingers harping about a "culture war."

DNC chief Debbie Wasserman Schultz goes to Philadelphia to attack Mitt Romney... WHY? Yes, he's there because he actually has a primary to compete in for the nomination. What reason does Rep. Schultz have to be there? Other than to try to create some sort of "shadow campaign" to counter everything Romney has to say... and to what end? It has no effect on what the Republicans who go to the polls on the 24th will do, and most of the country right now couldn't care less what she has to say... or Romney for that matter. When the RNC chairman said that the "War on Women" label was as ridiculous as "war on caterpillars," the Obama camp actually took offense and claimed that the Republicans equated women with caterpillars! In WHAT REALITY are you living that you would think that to be a logical statement?!?

The latest shot in the foot came from the DNC's Hilary Rosen, who in a former career was the woman who brought you million-dollar lawsuits against grandmothers and college students who downloaded songs when she was the head of the RIAA. She claimed that Romney's wife Ann "never worked a day in her life" because she was a stay-at-home mom. That brought immediate outrage from moms everywhere and was actually the first evidence that the Dems may have pushed this "War on Women" bit a little too far. But the problem is that when you are a hyperpartisan, you can NEVER go too far if you think it will help you gain power.

That's how you get people like Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, who had the audacity to suggest that in this age of zero cooperation between the parties that there was actually TOO MUCH BIPARTISANSHIP going on. Mourdock said that if he were elected, he would devote the majority of his time NOT to dealing with the problems that the people elected him to solve, NOT to representing his constituents in Congress, but to GETTING REPUBLICANS MORE POWER. Well, at least someone finally admits that this is what our politicians care more about these days, but the scary part is that as a Tea Party-SuperPAC fave, he's actually got a real chance at taking down yet another "establishment" Republican, Richard Lugar, a man who once co-sponsored a bill with then-Senator Obama regarding downsizing nuclear arsenals in the former Soviet Union. Unfortunately, a lot of Lugar's vulnerability comes from the fact that he just turned 80, but THIS is the guy you want to replace him? The sad thing is that if Mourdock does win the Indiana GOP primary, the odds are pretty good that the seat will go to Democrat Joe Donnelly, whose views are pretty much in lockstep with Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, two people who similarly think only about what will get their side more power.

The worst part about all of this is that thanks to redistricting, which once again seeks to make the red areas redder and the blue areas bluer, things stand to get even worse regardless of who wins in most national races. Although it's tempting to say we are still every bit the 50-50 nation we've been since 2000, I maintain that it's a shrinking Left, a shrinking Right, and a growing middle that has had ENOUGH of hyperpartisanship without solutions. Neither party has the people on their side, but they don't realize this, so they keep claiming that the other party will destroy the country, thinking it will scare people enough to vote for the "good guys." I don't think that this upcoming election is the end of everything... I think it's even more dire in that it only seems to promise more of the same.

Last Year Was Awesome... Let's Mess It Up

As I watch the Opening Night game at the Marlins' new "fish tank," I think about the optimism most teams' fans have when the season begins. On Opening Day, everyone is 0-0... unless you're the Mariners and A's, who are both already 1-1. You never know what's going to happen during the season, so maybe, just maybe your team will defy the odds and pull off the incredible... and if your team is predicted to be a contender, you hope they'll meet expectations. Of course, Mets fans like myself would be the exception this year, but I already vented about that in my last blog entry.

This year, the optimism a lot of teams' fans have is justified because there is a greater possibility of their teams making the playoffs. Major League Baseball, in its infinite wisdom, added another wild-card team in both leagues, meaning that 10 out of 30 teams now make the playoffs. No, it's not 12 out of 30 like the NFL, or 16 out of 30 like the NHL and NBA, but it's still a lot, and like those other teams, it increases the possibility that the year's top teams (like last year's Phillies) will flame out in the early rounds and we won't have a super-team win it all as they deserve. It also increases the possibility that teams will make the playoffs when they don't necessarily deserve to. Particularly with a one-and-done playoff game that could potentially tip a 85-77 team into the NLDS over a 94-win team that barely missed winning its division.

How ironic that ESPN started the Opening Night broadcast by showing the moment-by-moment highlights of the last night of the 2011 regular season; that night was so exciting, so riveting... and under the new playoff system would have been so IRRELEVANT. Because the Red Sox, Rays, Braves, and Cardinals would have all been assured of playoff spots entering that final night if we were working with two wild cards last year. They would have only been playing for home field in the "play-in game." And therefore you see the problem with this new setup. By watering down the playoffs, you are actually ensuring that exciting nights like last September 28th DON'T happen. And worse yet, if we'd had the 2012 playoff setup in place last year, you would have the Braves and Red Sox backing into the playoffs... imploding yes, but not in historic fashion, especially if they had both rebounded to win the "play-in game" over the Cards and Rays, respectively. Two teams making the playoffs essentially by default and then having a chance to bounce the hotter, perhaps more deserving teams.

But this is Major League Baseball under Commandant Selig... they don't necessarily make moves with "the best interests of baseball" in mind anymore. Like that tie in the 2002 All-Star Game... or the "playing for World Series home field advantage" incentive added the next year. Don't get me wrong; I got used to the 3-division, wild-card format pretty quickly once it finally was implemented after the 1994-95 strike. However, that was put in place to reward really good teams that don't win a division. This new setup potentially "rewards" okay teams. Baseball is special because even when an 85-win Cardinals team wins it all (like in 2006), they got in the playoffs because they WON THEIR DIVISION. They didn't get in by winning 85 games, finishing 3rd, but squeezing into the 2nd wild-card spot.

So let's get on with the predictions of who will fill those 10 playoff spots, starting with the National League. All the added playoff spot means in the NL is that 3 teams from the NL East will make the postseason instead of 2. Yay, a 3rd-place team making the playoffs! Anyway, here in Philadelphia, fans are in full-on panic mode because they can feel the championship window closing on their team. Ryan Howard blew out his Achilles on the last swing of the season, Chase Utley's knees are declining quickly, and that leaves the middle of the order to such luminaries as Ty Wigginton and Laynce Nix. Yes, you have the 3 aces (Halladay, Lee, and Hamels), and 4th-ace-in-training Vance Worley, but as the Cardinals proved last year, if it comes down to pitching and scratching out runs in the postseason, it's anyone's series (or play-in game if it comes to that).

Meanwhile, you have the now-Miami Marlins and their young core of talent helped by big-money acquisitions Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle, and Heath Bell, not to mention the hiring of big-mouth manager Ozzie Guillen. You also have the Atlanta Braves, looking to atone for their 2011 collapse, and still with the talent to be there at the end of the season. You also have the Washington Nationals... take a moment to let that sink in. THE NATIONALS ARE LEGIT CONTENDERS. And yeah, I've said this before about the Nats, but every time they realize they don't quite have enough pieces yet, they either draft them or sign them to big-money contracts. There's an awful lot riding on Stephen Strasburg's surgically-repaired shoulder, however, and with his mandated innings limit, the Nats could potentially face the all-important September stretch run (and playoffs if they make it) without their ace. I think the Phillies will somehow find a way to get that 6th straight division title, because they always come on in the 2nd half of seasons, and that's when they should be getting the big bats back. With the Marlins needing time to put it all together, that leaves them trying to keep up with the Phils down the stretch, and I just don't think it will happen, but it will leave Miami with a wild-card. Atlanta gets the 2nd NL wild-card, as Washington fades in September with Gio Gonzalez and Edwin Jackson forced to pitch the big games and Strasburg maxed out on innings, unable to push them over the hump. Yay, a 3rd-place team in the playoffs...

On to the NL Central... first of all, let me say every time I see that MLB2012 PlayStation commercial with the Cubs finally winning it all, it makes me want the Cubs to win the World Series. And then the commercial ends and I realize the Cubs have no chance in hell this year. So who does have a chance? Milwaukee still does, despite the loss of Prince Fielder to free agency. The Cardinals still do, despite the loss of Albert Pujols to free agency. Cincinnati does; 2011 was a big letdown for this team that was supposedly on the rise, and I get the feeling 2012 will be make-or-break for the Reds as presently constituted. Hell, even Pittsburgh has a chance after they contended well into 2011, until an awful safe/out call at home plate in late July sent the Pirates spiraling to their usual sub-.500 finish. I'm tempted to put the 4 teams in a hat and pick one... but I will take the Reds to bounce back to 2010 form.

Over in the NL West, the Giants are a trendy pick to reassume their 2010 form as well, the form that won them a World Championship, mostly because Buster Posey is back for a full season. They certainly have the horses and the stretch-run experience, but all I can think of is how many runs they will give up because Bruce Bochy's overprotective "don't block the plate" stance on Posey. I can see 3rd base coaches giving the green light to many more runners against the Giants than any other team, knowing that if it's a close play at the plate, Posey will get out of the way. Arizona was very impressive in outlasting the Giants for the division last year, and they are definitely a postseason contender once again. The Dodgers have Magic... as in Magic Johnson, new part-owner of the franchise. With the McCourt debacle behind them, they can focus on baseball, but I just don't see them getting back to October this year. Colorado and San Diego are non-factors. Despite the extra runs scored on Posey, I take San Francisco over the D-Backs for the division.

Over to the American League... how's it feel to be a Detroit fan right now? I can't tell you the last time a team from Detroit other than the Red Wings entered a season with so much in the way of expectations. You have the team that got to the ALCS last year, with the best pitcher in baseball (yeah, you heard me Phillies fans, Verlander's better than Roy Halladay) and some capable arms backing him up, and the Tigers go out and get Prince Fielder to MORE than fill the gap created by Victor Martinez's ACL tear. Detroit is the runaway favorite to win the AL Central, and with big question marks on the usual AL East contenders, they may well be the favorite to win the AL. I don't know about October, but the Tigers will certainly take the Central. Minnesota will bounce back from its horrible 2011; Target Field will not prove to be as much of the Twins' undoing as Citi Field was for the Mets. Still, the Twins' best shot at October is to grab a wild-card. Cleveland needs Ubaldo Jimenez to return to his 2009-2010 Rockies numbers... after he sits out his suspension for drilling Troy Tulowitzki in HIS Rockies number. If he does, the Indians could make a run for an over-.500 finish. They'll battle with the White Sox for 3rd place as rookie manager Robin Ventura settles in on the South Side. The Royals... are the Royals.

So, about those AL East teams... the AL East used to be the best division in baseball, but the NL East has overtaken its Junior Circuit counterpart. Now you look at the top AL East teams and scratch your head a little. Will Bobby V and "no beer in the clubhouse" really make a difference in Boston? Will the Yankees figure out how to win with a starting rotation that presently has an ace (CC Sabathia), a possible ace-in-waiting (Ivan Nova), the disappointing Phil Hughes, and the aging Hiroki Kuroda and Freddy Garcia... soon to be joined by... Andy Pettitte? Really? Didn't he retire? Will the Rays continue to win, even as they play in front of empty seats night after night? Despite all the no-shows at the Trop, you have to figure Tampa Bay to have it together more than the other teams entering the 2012 season. Whether that will hold up over 162 games is a question in itself, but I'm going with the Rays to win the AL East. Boston and the Yankees will battle for a wild-card; both will not make it... I give the edge to the Red Sox, mostly because I've always liked Bobby V and he has plenty of players in their prime, as opposed to Joe Girardi's aging Bombers. I want so badly for Toronto to have a contender; it's the Canadian-by-osmosis in me, but it's just not going to happen until Jose Bautista and co. have a solid starting rotation to keep the opposition in check while they swing for the fences. The Baltimore Orioles... just lost to a community college team. For real.

Finally, the AL West... Texas is the 2-time defending AL champion, but failing to hold things down in Game 6 of the World Series last year may haunt them long into this season. If the Rangers stumble, Anaheim is right there to take the division with Pujols anchoring a lineup that also welcomes back Kendry Morales from his nearly 2-year absence following that bizarre home plate celebration injury. Either way, Texas is too good to miss the playoffs entirely. I'll take Texas to hang on and get the division, with the Angels taking the 2nd wild-card. Oakland and Seattle... are presently 1-1. And soon to be joined by the Astros at the bottom of the AL West.

Ah yes, the decision to put 15 teams in each league and have an interleague series going on every day of the season. That's about as stupid as... having 2 wild-card teams playing a one-game "play-in game" to decide who makes the NLDS...