Everybody Loves a Good List
2002. What a freakin' year, for all of us, everyone, everywhere. Nothing is the same as it was when the year started, that's for sure. Well, except we were threatening to invade Iraq when the year began, and we're still threatening to do that. And a "Lord of the Rings" movie is #1 at the box office. And there's still a 2001 calendar in my day planner... okay, well I'm getting off topic. You may see other attempts to encapsule the year in some sort of recap/list/whatever, but they're hardly worth your time. For example, here, in one sentence, is "Rolling Stone"'s 2002 recap: President Bush is an idiot, everything sucked, and Michael Jackson did a lot of messed up things. Now, here's the authoritative list ("authoritative" meaning "mine is better than yours, ha-ha") of all the important things that happened in 2002...
Biggest shock: Al Gore deciding not to run for president in 2004. Now, the Democrats are REALLY going to have to come up with a platform, because their congressional campaign was based on trashing Republicans, and they were planning to run the 2000 election all over again with Gore in '04. Apparently "I got screwed, vote for me" wasn't worth the effort for Mr. Gore. I predict the "Draft Hillary" movement gets revved up about mid-summer next year.
Second biggest shock: Moby got the you-know-what beaten out of him, and none of the conspirators had anything to do with Eminem. We think.
Dumb PETA Protest of the Year: So called because PETA always manages to do something dumb every year in the name of saving animals, and this year they had a doozy: they asked the Milwaukee Brewers to add a vegetarian sausage to the bratwurst races that they have during the 6th inning at Miller Park. Way to go, PETA, way to take one of the truly goofy fun things about baseball and make it all about animal rights.
Memo to Las Ketchup: It wasn't worth the effort, you tried to be this year's Lou Bega/Baha Men/Afroman and you couldn't even achieve their "lofty" accomplishments. Oh well, at least you earned yourself a spot in permanent rotation on Radio Disney right after "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
Dumbest Sports Lawsuit: This year, our "pissed off dad" award goes to Michael Croteau, who sued his son's amateur hockey league in New Brunswick, Canada. Why? Because his 16-year old son didn't win the league's MVP award. Now, it's not enough to have your kid on the team, he HAS to win the friggin' MVP to avoid getting your lawyer on the phone! Croteau is suing for $300,000 in psychological and punitive damages, and I can see the psychological damages, because that guy's son is gonna need counseling after having a dad like HIM.
Most Interesting Comeback: Mariah Carey, hands-down. Oh, Whitney Houston has tried, doing the whole Barbara Walters thing and all, but Mariah was everywhere this fall, promoting a new album that critics panned and failed to hit #1 on the sales chart. She was even on LARRY KING the other night! "Your story is most compelling, Mariah. After the break, Ms. Carey on the presidential prospects of Gov. Howard Dean of Vermont..."
Most Overplayed Song of 2002: "Without Me" by Eminem. It's bad enough when you have to hear a song every night on your show because your station has chosen to play it, it's even worse when your audience makes it #1 most requested every night for TWO MONTHS!!!
The Year of the Canadian: Think about it... Canadian rock band Nickelback scores a #1 hit with "How You Remind Me", and suddenly frontman Chad Kroeger corners the market on breakout modern rock artists (Default and Theory of a Deadman among his proteges), and scores another hit on his own with the song from "Spiderman". Meanwhile, Sum 41 (from Canada) becomes punk's new superheroes, Our Lady Peace (from Canada) makes an impressive comeback, and of course the new pop siren, reluctant fashion trend leader and dominant force of the new female singer-songwriter movement was Avril Lavigne, another Canadian. Hell, even Alanis Morissette had another hit album this year. And who were we all talking about when controversy reared its ugly French head at the Winter Olympics figure skating competition? The CANADIAN pair. Back in college, my friend Ryan Ritchey had a theory that the Canadians would subvert the American populace with their pop culture, leading to the inevitable Canadian takeover of the U.S. He may have had something there....
Speaking of the Olympic Controversy: I said it then, and you know what, I really haven't changed my mind any since... the Olympics would be a lot better if the Russians just left for good, and took their crooked judges and mobsters with them.
The Year of the "The": "The" bands, the next big thing we've been told, and you know me, I've been looking desperately for the next big thing, and apart from the aforementioned female singer-songwriter movement, this would qualify. The Strokes' "Is This It" is an instant classic, and The White Stripes' breakthrough album "White Blood Cells" evokes memories of The Kinks in their swingin' 60s days with a dash of Rolling Stones circa "Exile on Main Street". The Hives also impressed many. One exception here: the Vines. I cannot, for the life of me, see why everyone loves these guys. Is it because the lead singer's a wackjob? I dunno, but I can't stand them.
Best CD I Got This Year: I'd give it to The Strokes, but their album came out in 2001, and "Ben Folds Live" was very good, but I really shouldn't give it to a live album. So, I'm going to surprise you here: Pearl Jam's new CD, "Riot Act". They haven't put an album out this good since "Vs.", and many probably don't even care Pearl Jam exists anymore, because they've just been around for so long, but in a modern rock landscape littered with the carcasses of hot bands that couldn't stay together very long, these guys are survivors, my generation's Led Zeppelin. On every album, they test new waters, but they always have that familiar basic sound that reminds you why you like them in the first place.
Who We Will Talk About In the Next Year In Music: Metallica, Linkin Park, Michelle Branch, Jay-Z, the White Stripes, Blink 182, Staind, The Donnas, and Madonna.
Who Will (Hopefully) Just Go Away in 2003: Limp Bizkit (new album tanks), any former members of boy bands who are trying to go solo, The Vines, and (temporarily) Eminem.
My Record on 2002 Predictions: Pretty much all the artists I predicted good things for got them, although I didn't even know Brandy was expecting when I put her on the list. The boy bands unfortunately dissolved into several solo stories, even if it was just Lance Bass trying to go into space or Joey Fatone in "Rent", that was still more than I needed to see. Everyone laughed when I said the Baltimore Ravens were legit playoff contenders, but they weren't eliminated until the final Sunday of the season. The Syracuse football team achieved my 2001 prediction for them a year late with their 4-8 mark. Steve Spurrier did indeed become the Redskins head coach, as I said would happen the day he stepped down from the Florida job. The Orioles didn't lose 100 games, but there's always next year...
A Final Thought On This Year and Next: 2002 wasn't bad for a mostly blah year. I mean it's good that we didn't have another 9-11 or anything like that, but not a heckuva lot good happened, either. Here's hoping 2003 can be as good, or at least as blah.
Biggest shock: Al Gore deciding not to run for president in 2004. Now, the Democrats are REALLY going to have to come up with a platform, because their congressional campaign was based on trashing Republicans, and they were planning to run the 2000 election all over again with Gore in '04. Apparently "I got screwed, vote for me" wasn't worth the effort for Mr. Gore. I predict the "Draft Hillary" movement gets revved up about mid-summer next year.
Second biggest shock: Moby got the you-know-what beaten out of him, and none of the conspirators had anything to do with Eminem. We think.
Dumb PETA Protest of the Year: So called because PETA always manages to do something dumb every year in the name of saving animals, and this year they had a doozy: they asked the Milwaukee Brewers to add a vegetarian sausage to the bratwurst races that they have during the 6th inning at Miller Park. Way to go, PETA, way to take one of the truly goofy fun things about baseball and make it all about animal rights.
Memo to Las Ketchup: It wasn't worth the effort, you tried to be this year's Lou Bega/Baha Men/Afroman and you couldn't even achieve their "lofty" accomplishments. Oh well, at least you earned yourself a spot in permanent rotation on Radio Disney right after "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
Dumbest Sports Lawsuit: This year, our "pissed off dad" award goes to Michael Croteau, who sued his son's amateur hockey league in New Brunswick, Canada. Why? Because his 16-year old son didn't win the league's MVP award. Now, it's not enough to have your kid on the team, he HAS to win the friggin' MVP to avoid getting your lawyer on the phone! Croteau is suing for $300,000 in psychological and punitive damages, and I can see the psychological damages, because that guy's son is gonna need counseling after having a dad like HIM.
Most Interesting Comeback: Mariah Carey, hands-down. Oh, Whitney Houston has tried, doing the whole Barbara Walters thing and all, but Mariah was everywhere this fall, promoting a new album that critics panned and failed to hit #1 on the sales chart. She was even on LARRY KING the other night! "Your story is most compelling, Mariah. After the break, Ms. Carey on the presidential prospects of Gov. Howard Dean of Vermont..."
Most Overplayed Song of 2002: "Without Me" by Eminem. It's bad enough when you have to hear a song every night on your show because your station has chosen to play it, it's even worse when your audience makes it #1 most requested every night for TWO MONTHS!!!
The Year of the Canadian: Think about it... Canadian rock band Nickelback scores a #1 hit with "How You Remind Me", and suddenly frontman Chad Kroeger corners the market on breakout modern rock artists (Default and Theory of a Deadman among his proteges), and scores another hit on his own with the song from "Spiderman". Meanwhile, Sum 41 (from Canada) becomes punk's new superheroes, Our Lady Peace (from Canada) makes an impressive comeback, and of course the new pop siren, reluctant fashion trend leader and dominant force of the new female singer-songwriter movement was Avril Lavigne, another Canadian. Hell, even Alanis Morissette had another hit album this year. And who were we all talking about when controversy reared its ugly French head at the Winter Olympics figure skating competition? The CANADIAN pair. Back in college, my friend Ryan Ritchey had a theory that the Canadians would subvert the American populace with their pop culture, leading to the inevitable Canadian takeover of the U.S. He may have had something there....
Speaking of the Olympic Controversy: I said it then, and you know what, I really haven't changed my mind any since... the Olympics would be a lot better if the Russians just left for good, and took their crooked judges and mobsters with them.
The Year of the "The": "The" bands, the next big thing we've been told, and you know me, I've been looking desperately for the next big thing, and apart from the aforementioned female singer-songwriter movement, this would qualify. The Strokes' "Is This It" is an instant classic, and The White Stripes' breakthrough album "White Blood Cells" evokes memories of The Kinks in their swingin' 60s days with a dash of Rolling Stones circa "Exile on Main Street". The Hives also impressed many. One exception here: the Vines. I cannot, for the life of me, see why everyone loves these guys. Is it because the lead singer's a wackjob? I dunno, but I can't stand them.
Best CD I Got This Year: I'd give it to The Strokes, but their album came out in 2001, and "Ben Folds Live" was very good, but I really shouldn't give it to a live album. So, I'm going to surprise you here: Pearl Jam's new CD, "Riot Act". They haven't put an album out this good since "Vs.", and many probably don't even care Pearl Jam exists anymore, because they've just been around for so long, but in a modern rock landscape littered with the carcasses of hot bands that couldn't stay together very long, these guys are survivors, my generation's Led Zeppelin. On every album, they test new waters, but they always have that familiar basic sound that reminds you why you like them in the first place.
Who We Will Talk About In the Next Year In Music: Metallica, Linkin Park, Michelle Branch, Jay-Z, the White Stripes, Blink 182, Staind, The Donnas, and Madonna.
Who Will (Hopefully) Just Go Away in 2003: Limp Bizkit (new album tanks), any former members of boy bands who are trying to go solo, The Vines, and (temporarily) Eminem.
My Record on 2002 Predictions: Pretty much all the artists I predicted good things for got them, although I didn't even know Brandy was expecting when I put her on the list. The boy bands unfortunately dissolved into several solo stories, even if it was just Lance Bass trying to go into space or Joey Fatone in "Rent", that was still more than I needed to see. Everyone laughed when I said the Baltimore Ravens were legit playoff contenders, but they weren't eliminated until the final Sunday of the season. The Syracuse football team achieved my 2001 prediction for them a year late with their 4-8 mark. Steve Spurrier did indeed become the Redskins head coach, as I said would happen the day he stepped down from the Florida job. The Orioles didn't lose 100 games, but there's always next year...
A Final Thought On This Year and Next: 2002 wasn't bad for a mostly blah year. I mean it's good that we didn't have another 9-11 or anything like that, but not a heckuva lot good happened, either. Here's hoping 2003 can be as good, or at least as blah.
posted by Dave | 11:19 PM
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