Everybody Loves a Good (2006) List

Well here we are, we’ve almost made it out of 2006, and first of all, I want to thank Time magazine for naming me its Person of the Year, and I also want to thank all of you who made this possible. I mean, I know this column is very important to a lot of you but this honor was most unexpected…

Oh wait, by “You”, they meant everyone? Oh… never mind…

Anyway, what a crazy year in our world. I hate to predict the downfall of civilization but this wasn’t a year that made you all that positive about the human race. We’ve got civil war brewing in Lebanon, a civil war (or not technically) in Iraq, lawmakers are brawling in Mexico, an entire U.S. congressional campaign was won on hatred of the president, I can’t drive anywhere without getting cut off or almost run into at least once… you see my point. Across the globe, it almost feels like the two sides are lining up players for the next massive global conflict, with us one side and Iran on the other. Here in the States, Congress changed hands, Britney dumped K-Fed and showed her woo-hoo to photographers, Mel Gibson and Michael Richards became the latest targets of the PC crowd… who also blasted Bill Cosby for telling the truth about the problems of the black community. Locally, developments went up in Camillus, nothing went up at Carousel or the convention center (again), and most of the top stories of the year involved a lawsuit against either Bob Congel, the Oneida Indian Nation, or Honeywell for the lake cleanup project.

However not all was bad in the world this year; we had plenty to keep us occupied and entertained, or just plain scratching our heads. This was the year of YouTube, the year William Shatner got his own game show, the year Justin Timberlake “brought sexy back” and broke the record for the shortest amount of time it took for a catch phrase to get OLD… In an effort to prove that you can still laugh about all this unpleasantness, I have renewed my old tradition of compiling a list of some things you may have missed in the past year, or perhaps a new take on things you already knew. And here we go…

Parent of the Year: Wayne Derkotch of Philadelphia pulled a gun on his son’s Pee Wee football coach because the kid wasn’t getting enough playing time. The crazy thing is at the SAME GAME, a referee was also charged with assault for throwing a punch at someone…

Yeah, That Will Fix Everything: the NFL banned the use of the crowd anthem “Rock ‘n Roll Part 2” (a.k.a. that “hey” song) because of Gary Glitter’s child molestation conviction in Vietnam. Boy am I glad they did that, cuz I know every time I’m at a ballpark and that song comes on, the first thing I think of is child molesters…

Biggest Foot In Mouth Moment: After barely surviving his re-election campaign, Congressman Jim Walsh said he was “disappointed” by the voters in the Syracuse-area who didn’t vote for him. Jim, I know you’re trying to prove you’re a moderate now, but that’s something a liberal would say; going out and sounding elitist probably isn’t the sharpest thing to do when you almost lost your seat. As a result, the 2008 campaign to get Walsh out pretty much started the NEXT DAY…

Dumb PETA Protest of the Year: This used to be the “Dumb Protest of the Year”, but PETA won every year, so it just became academic… Anyway, this time around, PETA sent a protest letter to a church in Alaska because it bills its holiday nativity scene as a “living” one… however, they don’t use animals… oops…

Just In Case You Missed It: The guys from Blink-182 split up into two bands, Tom formed Angels and Airwaves, and Mark and Travis formed +44, and they’re both VERY GOOD. Also, there’s these bands called Paramore, Flyleaf, and Damone, who all prove that there is still a place for women in modern rock. Meanwhile, next up on K-Rock, Three Days Grace for the 1800^th time this week…

Most Overplayed Song of 2006: Rihanna, you may be quite hot, but you don’t screw with “Tainted Love”… “S.O.S.” is your big winner/loser this year…

I Guess Winning Really Is Everything: Poor Larry Coker, fired from the U… but not because of a televised bench-clearing brawl that made the Miami football program a national embarrassment… no, it was because the Hurricanes only went 6-6 this year…

Most Hilarious Commercial: And one I’m surprised hasn’t become the basis of ANOTHER PETA lawsuit… the Jeep commercial where the hawk sees what he thinks is a ladybug ripe for the picking… only it’s a Jeep Wrangler, which the hawk proceeds to crash into at high speed.

Best New CD I Got This Year: Beck “The Information”. Beck takes all that he’s picked up the last decade or so, teams with Radiohead producer Nigel Godrich and creates an album that is both introspective and danceable at the same time. Between this and “Guero”, he is definitely peaking artistically. Honorable mention goes to Pearl Jam’s self-titled album and “We Don’t Need To Whisper” by Angels and Airwaves.

Just In Case You Miss the ‘90s: Everclear is still putting out new stuff, and it’s pretty good. Also the DeLeos from Stone Temple Pilots teamed up with the lead singer of Filter to form Army of Anyone, and their debut album is excellent.

Who We Will Talk About in Music in 2007: Britney (unfortunately), Velvet Revolver, Corinne Bailey Rae, John Mayer, Jay-Z, Incubus, Fall Out Boy, and Switchfoot

Who Will (Hopefully) Just Go Away in 2007: Gwen Stefani (until you remember what GOOD music sounds like), Fergie, Pussycat Dolls, Nickelback, and Guns ‘n Roses… may that long-delayed new album miss the radar completely…

Memo to Developers Who Keep Telling Us They Want To Build Something In Syracuse: 2007 is put-up or shut-up time. Stop flapping your gums and BUILD!

We’ll Keep Trying Until We Get It Right: Remember all those doom-and-gloom predictions that global warming would cause a horrible hurricane season this year and we were due to get about 2-3 Katrina-like storms and we’d have to go into Greek letters to name them all again? Yeah… didn’t happen. Not even close. So naturally, the same forecasters have already predicted the same doom-and-gloom scenario for 2007. I’m inclined to not believe these guys, but not because I don’t believe global warming is really happening. It’s because these forecasters are at COLORADO STATE. How many hurricanes have you ever heard of that hit COLORADO?

And a Final Thought on 2006: I plan a full blog entry about the news media early in 2007 (in other words, the next entry), but let me just note now how many of the big items of the year took place toward the end of the year, because all we could talk about the first 9-10 months were things that were going to happen… North Korea was going to test a nuke, the election was upcoming… I’d like to think this will change next year, but just remember, we’re entering the now 2-plus year long presidential election cycle…

Bowled Over

This isn't going to be the first time I've made this rant, but it bears repeating, because absolutely nothing has changed in the 5 years since I last said this... and by that I am of course referring to this column. We once again have a matchup for college football's national championship game that a good chunk of the country didn't want, and once again it's preceded by WAY too many meaningless bowl games that were only created to give companies a chance to plug something.

It wasn't always like this... in 1970, Wake Forest won its last ACC title prior to this season... and they DIDN'T get invited to a bowl game. This year, the 7TH and 8TH place teams in the ACC got bowl bids. Teams actually used to decline bowl bids if they felt it wasn't proper or respectful; most notably Army, which turned down an invite to the Sugar Bowl during the Vietnam War. Today, you'd be crazy to turn down a bowl invite, because there's lots of money involved... either that or you would've had to be involved in a bench-clearing melee like South Carolina and Clemson were two years back. Then again, Miami's still going bowling after their national disgrace of a fight, so I guess that's out too. During the "golden age" of Syracuse football, from roughly 1952-1970, the Orange posted 16 winning seasons, including 1 11-win year (the '59 national championship) and 10 other years when they went 7-3 or better (the season was shorter back then, often just 9-10 games). Of those 11 great teams... 7 went to bowl games. The 1960 Orange followed their national title with a 7-2 season... NO bowl. Today, even a .500 record gets you in a bowl game.

When you think about great postseason college football games, names like the Orange Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Rose Bowl, and Cotton Bowl come to mind. Oh sure, there were a few clunkers... like the Bluebonnet Bowl, the Garden State Bowl (a bowl game in December in New Jersey?), and the Cherry Bowl (a bowl game in December in Detroit? I don't care if it WAS indoors...) But at least that was the fault of whomever named the game, not some corporate sponsor. About 20 years ago, corporations started putting their names on the games, so you had the USF&G Sugar Bowl, the FedEx Orange Bowl, and the Mobil Cotton Bowl. I remember joking about 10 years ago that they should just do away with the real bowl name and just name it after the corporation. Apparently someone thought this wasn't a joke... and now you have the Champs Sports Bowl, the Meineke Bowl, and the GMAC Bowl. Some companies even replaced longtime traditional bowl names with their own... hence, the Peach Bowl is now the Chick-Fil-A Bowl, the Hall of Fame Bowl is now the Outback Bowl, and the Florida Citrus (nee Tangerine) Bowl is now the Capital One Bowl. Some of these names don't even make sense. For example, why play the Papa John's Bowl in Birmingham, when the company is located in Louisville? The Armed Forces Bowl... played in Fort Worth, Texas, nowhere near any of the service academies, and none of the service academies are playing in this game.

And so, you're going to have a ridiculous 32 bowl games going on, starting tomorrow night with the Poinsettia Bowl... talk about your poisonous television (ba dum bum). And between then and New Year's Eve, you'll see clashes of the titans such as Troy State vs. Rice in the New Orleans Bowl (because having the Sugar Bowl just isn't enough for Nawlins), Central Michigan vs. Middle Tennessee State in the Motor City Bowl (again, a bowl game in December in Detroit?), and my favorite of all, those head-stompin' Hurricanes playing Nevada in the MPC Computers Bowl... in Boise, Idaho... a bowl game in December in IDAHO... and they play this one OUTDOORS. They even created bowl games for no apparent reason other than to give a team another home game... for example, New Mexico vs. San Jose State in the, ahem, New Mexico Bowl... and Hawaii vs. Arizona State in the (surprise) Hawaii Bowl. And then, after the actually relevant games on New Year's Day, and the first couple of BCS games... they throw 2 more meaningless games at you before the BCS National Championship. Tell me, after I just got done watching top 10 teams like USC and Michigan slug it out, why would I want to watch the GMAC Bowl between Southern Mississippi and Ohio (not Ohio State, Ohio U.)? Oh, and then there's the International Bowl in Toronto... the only way I would watch that is if they made the two schools play by Canadian rules.

Then, FINALLY, we get the national championship game: Unbeaten Ohio State and their Heisman-winning QB Troy Smith, taking on once-beaten Florida, SEC champs... except a lot of people think it should be a rematch of Ohio State and Michigan, which the Buckeyes won in a shootout back in November to win the Big Ten championship. Sorry folks, but you're WRONG... Michigan being in the championship game would be WRONG. You don't reward a team with a shot at a national championship if it A) didn't win its conference title, and B) LOST its last game. Take a lesson from 2001 when the computers decided Nebraska, who got throttled 62-20 in their regular season finale and didn't even make the Big 12 title game, was worthy of a shot at a national title. Nebraska then got clobbered by Miami, and poor Frank Solich was out of a job 2 years later.

This was the best possible matchup, and if we're gonna play it this way, then that's what you want. Now I know people are screaming about a playoff, and ya know what, there is absolutely ZERO reason not to have a playoff system. Coaches go screaming one minute about their kids not having time to focus on classes if they're playing playoff games, but then they rave about how going to a bowl game after a 6-6 season will help their team because of the extra practice time. The Big Giant Heads at the BCS (a little "3rd Rock" reference) say that now that they play a 12-game season, it makes even a 16-team playoff impossible. Ya know, I had no problem with the season being 11 games... but of course the big schools wanted a 12th game so they could get a 7th home game and make more money. That's what it all comes down to... money. As long as everyone's pockets are sufficiently lined, this mess will go on. As long as Fox is paying top dollar to carry the BCS games, there will be no playoff system. As long as universities salivate over even a $300,000 payout for the lowest-tier bowl game, there will be no playoff system.

Of course, when I first wrote about this 5 years ago, I had a solution that was even more absurd, because once you get the bowl genie out of the bottle, it's kinda hard to stuff him back in. I said that we should go back to what we had 20 years ago... just a dozen or so bowl games. If you don't finish in the top half of your conference, no bowl game for you. If you don't even show up in the "Others Receiving Votes" category in the national polls, no bowl game for you. Considering we live in a nation of ever-lowering standards, is it any wonder that we have the mess we're in now?

Surviving Christmas

We are well into the 2006 holiday season, and we're watching some old trends continue and new trends surface. It may be easy to get lost in everything that's going on, the dizzying display of lights, shopping, commercials, and lawsuits, so allow me to break some of it down for you.

Yes, I mentioned lawsuits. Every Christmas we get at least one of them, either threatened or actually in the courts, where someone gets offended about his holiday being excluded in a public display. We also get the occasional atheist who is offended that there is a public display AT ALL. This year, it's happening in Seattle, where they had to take down nine Christmas trees in the airport because a rabbi threatened to sue over the lack of a menorah display for Chanukah. Now hey, I'd love to solve the debate by noting that trees really have nothing to do with the nativity story and we can just call them "holiday trees" instead. Unfortunately, that would rile up Bill O'Reilly and the "War on Christmas" crowd, so we can't do that. So of course the solution is NO DISPLAY AT ALL. Merry Christmas.

Inevitably, someone is going to get pissed about a traditional Christmas display. Some call these people Grinches, I have a more appropriate name for them... one that cannot be printed here. Take for example, last Sunday in my hometown of Camillus. Every year, they put Santa on a fire truck and he rides around giving candy to the little kids. When I was a kid, that was a day everyone looked forward to... I'm sure it still is. Well, somebody online heard about this year's festivities, and immediately whined that it was a waste of taxpayer money. Gee I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that traditions need to be thrown out in the name of saving a buck. I'll remember that when you're getting excited about next year's Memorial Day parade in the village... or do you think that's a waste of taxpayer money, too?

A good escape would be the movie theatre, and there are plenty of options for good holiday viewing. Not necessarily holiday movies, cuz let's face it, when did the last good Christmas movie come out? Hint: Santa Clause 3 and Deck the Halls WERE NOT IT. But we do have an abundance of good movies for once, instead of the collection of junk and "Oscar-worthy" movies that nobody goes to. The new James Bond movie, "Casino Royale" is still doing well at the theatres, and if you haven't had the opportunity to see it, don't wait for it to come out on DVD. I had never seen a Bond movie in a theatre before this one, and this is certainly the best way to do it. The new Bond, Daniel Craig, of course is getting most of the attention, cuz the ladies like what they see, but more importantly, he fits the role of 007 as well as the best ones who have played him (in other words, not Timothy Dalton). Every good Bond movie has to have a great Bond girl, and we have that with Eva Green as Vesper Lynd, the sassy accountant who gives Bond all he can handle and then some. I won't give a lot away but they did everything right that you would expect in a Bond movie, and most importantly, they seem to have junked the computerized special effects that were so prevalent in "Die Another Day". If there's anything I can't stand about action movies these days, it's the feeling that you know what you're watching isn't real, but rather a bunch of actors running from a green screen.

The kids will like "Happy Feet", the animated penguin movie, so that takes care of them. Just before Christmas, we get the choice of a pair of sports-themed movies that caught my interest. First you have "We Are Marshall", about the real-life aftermath of the tragic 1970 plane crash that destroyed an entire college football program. Then there's "Rocky Balboa". Yeah, go ahead and roll your eyes, and believe me, there's a part of me that's been wishing Stallone stopped after "Rocky V"... hell he should have stopped after "Rocky III"... but I want to believe he's going to do one more SERIOUS turn in the role that made him famous. "Rocky IV" was just plain stupid, and although the plot of "Rocky V" was interesting, moviegoers didn't like a dark "Rocky" movie. So old-man Balboa steps back into the ring for one more round, and maybe Sly pulls it off. It's enough to actually get me in the theatre. Also noteworthy is "Black Christmas", coming out on Christmas Day... only because it may well be proof that Hollywood has used the last original idea it has left... a Christmas horror movie.

I direct you all to the theatres because it'll be a lot better than what you'll see if you turn on the TV this month. Oh sure, we have all the classic Christmas specials... "A Charlie Brown Christmas", "It's a Wonderful Life", and so on. We do have "The Polar Express" on network television, and that is a fantastic movie. But we also have a glut of miserable attempts to create a new Christmas classic. And so you'll get junk like "Robbie the Reindeer", "Olive the Other Reindeer", "The Year Without Santa Claus", and it goes on. Much like attempts to do new great Christmas songs, the truly good ones are few and far between, and most happened 40-50 or more years ago. We have to accept this and move on.

And in between all these Christmas specials are all the Christmas commercials... mostly Gap and Old Navy ads. I mean seriously, it seems like those are the only two commercials running right now. I can only derive two reactions from these ads: 1) I'm sorry, no matter how hard you try, I do not wish to get my "fash on"... nor do I believe that's a word... 2) I guess hoodies are officially out... because that's all these ads are pushing, and once it gets to that point, it's over.

More than anything, of course, Christmas is about one thing... guilt. Okay, I know what Christmas is REALLY about; it's about the spirit of giving and being with loved ones and helping those in need. However, some take it upon themselves to go so far overboard with this that if they feel you're not giving ENOUGH, they'll try to make you feel like you're deserving of a lump of coal in your stocking. You know what I'm talking about, the looks of disapproval when you don't put coins in the Salvation Army kettle every time you pass it... the people who want you to donate to every charity possible or you're nothing. My roommate the retail worker had to deal with that one... the charity representative went so far as to call her store "sad and depressing" because they wouldn't give to her charity in addition to the ones to which they already donate. Just remember, we all do what we can, so let us have the feeling that we really are making a difference and don't make us feel awful that we aren't making enough of one.

So it is possible to stay positive through all this holiday hype and hysteria, but you've gotta take it all in stride. And just remember, it's all over in two weeks.