Why We Care About Celebrity News

Last Sunday's "Family Guy" was one of the best episodes ever. Aside from all the music jokes and references, Seth MacFarlane and co. took a huge risk in chopping out 2 minutes of episode in order to sneak in a timely gag. If it comes off as stupid, it ruins the whole show, but it didn't. It was brilliant... with no time to do animation, they showed a reel-to-reel tape player running while we heard the now-infamous tape of Christian Bale reaming a stagehand... with Peter Griffin in the role of the stagehand.

With this gambit, "Family Guy" has now approached the level of "South Park" for being able to throw in jokes that are what people are talking about right at that moment. But it also prompts one to wonder, what is the big freakin' deal here? Why is a tape of an actor yelling and cursing at some guy such a matter of public interest?

The same could be said of the Michael Phelps situation. Phelps, as most people now know, was photographed at a college party in South Carolina with a bong. I get it, he's a role model, this was a stupid thing to do, but we all monitored this day after day, seeing what Phelps' sponsors would do, wondering if that backwoods sheriff was going to press charges. We'll talk about both the Christian Bale tape and the Michael Phelps picture for years, probably.

The criticism we've seen over the last several years is that our news media networks and our media observers (such as myself) are obsessed with celebrity news like this, to the detriment of informing the public about "the things we should be talking about." Things like politics, the war in Iraq, climate change. Those who deal in conspiracy theories say that this was how President Bush avoided impeachment, because the "conservative-owned corporate media" was feeding America the latest on Britney instead of all the supposed crimes Bush and co. were committing.

Frankly, that's bullshit.

I can't speak for other people, but I can tell you why this stuff fascinates me, instead of debates over the stimulus package or mortgage bailouts. I'm all tapped out as far as political rhetoric goes these days. I hoped for bipartisanship with the new administration, we're not getting it, and frankly, I don't want to fight all the same battles all over again. I don't want to argue with conservatives who want to run the Republican Party into the ground, and I don't want to fight with supporters of the president who can't be happy with getting what they want; they have to continue with their criticism so that they can continue their quest for permanent one-party rule. We as Americans had our big party on Inauguration Day, and now we don't like the hangover. We still have to deal with the economic-related problems in our lives, and we just don't have the fight in us right now. So let's sit this one out and laugh at Christian Bale.

It's all about whatever has the most relevance in our lives, and while we're thinking close to our own situation and trying to make the best of things on our own, why not just kick back and laugh at the misfortunes of those who should know better. If we cannot laugh at stupid things, we're never gonna get through this recession. And the news media SEES THAT. What those who decry the media's fixation with celebrity news don't seem to understand is we like this stuff. There is a demand for Access Hollywood and Perez Hilton and TMZ, and as long as there is a demand for it, the media will give the people what they want. And there are people who care about politics, and they will have the places that they can go. That is never going away. So let us rejoice in the fact that we can all get what we want, whether it's who Kate Winslet was wearing at the Oscars (which I couldn't care less about) or the mortgage bailout or Christian Bale and his bad temper. There's nothing more American than that...

Where Are They Now, TJI Edition

Jimmy Fallon is preparing to take over as the new host of "Late Night" on NBC. I'm intrigued to see how he'll work out in this job, as I remember his performance as host of the 2002 MTV Video Music Awards, and I wrote at the time that his stage presence was like that of a high school kid making his first speech in public speaking class.

That was back in the days of the old blog, or "Internet column" as I called it then (since the word "blog" hadn't become commonplace yet). This got me thinking about the other things I wrote about back in the old days, things and people I ripped apart, and whatever happened to them. So I went back and read some of those old "columns" and I put together this update on some of the many subjects of my criticism. I hope you appreciate it, since this is one of the few times that I will do actual RESEARCH for this blog (Research? What's that?)...

In one of my early entries, I attacked impatient sports fans who aren't satisfied with having a winning team; they need championship contenders. Every season. In the pros, this has become commonplace, and it gets worse when one of these impatient types is the team's owner. This was the case with the Washington Redskins in 2000, when owner Daniel Snyder whacked Norv Turner with two games left in the season because Snyder kept cutting kickers every time they missed an important kick and half the team got injured.

Well, Turner went on to coach for another impatient owner (Al Davis of the Oakland Raiders), and he got his walking papers two years later. Since he landed in San Diego, however, he's won 2 AFC West titles and done something that his recent predecessors couldn't: win playoff games. Meanwhile, the Redskins have gone through 4 different coaches, brought Joe Gibbs out of retirement (resulting in their only 2 playoff appearances of the decade), and now current coach Jim Zorn is on the hot seat after one season for going 8-8.

However, this kind of behavior was not just reserved for billionaire football owners. Also in 2000, Jim Donnan was fired as Georgia's head football coach because his 8 and 9-win seasons weren't good enough. Donnan never coached again. Georgia under Mark Richt has gone 74-19 and won 2 SEC titles so the administration got what it wanted, but at what cost? Several Georgia players have been arrested in the last year.

And of course here in Syracuse, Paul Pasqualoni was under fire in 2000 for not winning enough. After a 10-win season in 2001, the program fell apart. Pasqualoni was fired in 2004 but by then there was actual good reason; the Orange had gone 16-20 from 2002-04 and recruiting had suffered. Replacement Greg Robinson did even worse, going 10-37, and his failures made the people who still supported Pasqualoni in the end call for the heads of both Athletic Director Daryl Gross and the friggin' CHANCELLOR of SU. Because, of course, the most important function of a university chancellor or president is to make sure the FOOTBALL TEAM does well. As for Coach P, well, he's now the defensive coordinator of the Miami Dolphins, and a big factor behind the team's sudden 1-15 to 11-5 turnaround this season. He also had former SU assistant Steve Bush brought in from West Genesee, and next thing you know everyone in football is talking about the "Wildcat" offense... named for West Genny.

Speaking of West Genesee... in 2000, Hall of Fame basketball coach Jerry Wilcox was being pressured by upset parents and fans because the team had slumped to .500 and certain kids weren't playing enough. One year later (after a league title), Wilcox became just the latest WG coach to say he'd had enough of being treated like dirt. He went to Liverpool and continued winning; now with well over 450 career wins, he's 3rd all-time among local head coaches. Steve Dunham took over as West Genny's head coach, won 6 games his first season (matching my prediction for that season), then led the Wildcats to several 2nd place league finishes but no Section III finals. The last 2 season, West Genesee has slipped to a combined 16-25. I haven't heard any rumblings, but I'll bet Dunham is on the hot seat.

One thing I loved to rip on were the one-hit wonders of the moment, counting down their 15 minutes of fame while their annoying songs got overplayed out on the radio. Wonder what's happened to some of the one-hit wonders of the early 2000s? Well, Lou Bega of "Mambo #5" infamy put out two more albums, but no hits. The Baha Men may have let the dogs out in 2000 but since then, they've managed three albums and one single that hit #94. Afroman has been the most prolific post-one-hit artist, putting out a whopping SIX albums... but no hits.

Of course in those days, we were all more concerned with the artists putting out more than one hit, namely the teen-pop junk that infested radio at the time. I predicted that of all the pop princesses of that era, Christina Aguilera would stick around the longest, and that's certainly been the case. She doesn't put out new material all that often, but when she does, it's a whole new flavor of X-tina. Now I know some may argue that Britney Spears lasted the longest because she's put out more albums and is much more active in that regard than her fellow pop tart, plus she's managed her second #1 hit (and first in nearly 10 years)... but the real reason she's stuck around so long is the (pardon the pun) circus that follows her. I know people who monitored her breakdowns like Rotisserie geeks monitor their fantasy baseball rosters. So maybe the debate is still open on that one. And then there's Jessica Simpson, who has only managed to get married, become a ditzy reality TV star, get divorced, get blamed for the decline of the Dallas Cowboys, turn country star, and now be the center of silly public scrutiny over her weight.

One prediction I am happy about regarding that era was when I said that Mandy Moore should follow Brandy into the world of sitcoms. Well, she did become an actress and a pretty good one at that, but in films. Speaking of popular music of past years, the rap-metal fad thankfully died. Linkin Park has really emerged as a one-of-a-kind survivor of the era, Limp Bizkit is long gone, and bands like Saliva and Papa Roach have extended their careers by phasing out the rap and proving that they can really rock when their lead singer is actually singing.

I devoted a 2002 column to atheist agitator Michael Newdow, who lives to sue the government over fleeting references to God. The big news of the time was his lawsuit to have the words "under God" taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance. He lost, but that hasn't deterred him. Most recently, he filed suit to have all references to God thrown out of President Obama's inauguration festivities. I presume that would include the phrase "so help me God" at the end of the oath of office... that would have messed up the oath even more than it already was...

I've gone after what I've termed "Average Syracusan" many times, and I will be doing so again in the upcoming months as the mayoral race heats up, but suffice to say, Average Syracusan still opposes any new ideas. The Town Shop in Camillus is still in its home on Main Street in Camillus, despite efforts by local blue-hairs to have them tossed. The Town Shop is proudly displayed on the Camillus Parks & Recreation website. Speaking of blue-hair opposition, I wrote a 2001 column about the Hellfest summmer music festival and the Mattydale residents who were convinced that these nice straight-edgers were actually evil devil-worshippers. I actually got a complimentary e-mail from a parent the next year who was concerned about his daughter attending Hellfest until he read my take on the concert. Well, in the end, Average Syracusan won out... the show was tossed out of the area after the 2003 edition, and following a successful 2004 Hellfest in New Jersey that featured Alt-rock powers like Coheed & Cambria, Hawthorne Heights, and Underoath, the next year's show was canceled and that was all for Hellfest.

It was really interesting to follow up on a lot of these past topics, and it keeps me thinking that I'm not just wasting Internet space by posting my thoughts and opinions every week or so on here. Who knows what will happen to the people of the moment in the late 2000s, but I'd like to think that when the time comes to wonder whatever happened to them, I'll still be here to blog about it.

When There's Nothing Going On, Make Something Up

We're in a bit of a doldrums cycle in the world of sports right now. The S**** B*** has come and gone (but I still don't want to get sued, hence the asterisks). Pitchers and catchers don't report to Spring Training for another week or so. Nobody watches or cares about the Pro Bowl, and yeah the NBA and NHL are still in the meat of their regular seasons, but nobody watches the NBA or NHL either. So we have college basketball, but we're still a month away from M**** M****** (yeah, you can't say that either without getting sued... just remember it's a month and a synonym for "craziness"). Also, given Syracuse's play of late (having 100 dropped on us 2 out of 3 games), I'd rather not think about the college game right now. Suffice to say, there's not much exciting to write or talk about.

Which is probably why we've had a massive amount of non-news dominating the sports media conversation of late. I get the obligatory day or two of post-Big Game coverage; you have to follow the MVP to Disney World and forecast whether or not the Steelers and Cardinals will be just as good next year. However, five days of discussion about the officiating in the Super Bowl? Yeah. FIVE DAYS OF IT. First there was all the hubbub about Kurt Warner's fumble at the end of the game and whether or not it should have been reviewed. This is all moot of course because the NFL director of officiating said that it was the correct call. Therefore, WHY WERE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT? Then, we get not one, but TWO days of talk about whether or not Santonio Holmes should have been flagged for excessive celebration after the game-winning TD. WHY?

Meanwhile, I have to watch Mel Kiper give endless draft projections and the friggin' draft is over two months away. I propose a total moratorium on talking about the draft, right up until 2 weeks before. You can talk about the combine, you can talk about college juniors declaring early, but you CANNOT project, and you CANNOT talk about whose "stock" is going up or down. Period.

This phenomenon of inventing things to talk about is not just limited to football, however. The New York media has been hard at work trying to create a story about Manny Ramirez. A player which NEITHER New York team has had any interest in signing from the moment he became a free agent. But what do I see on the back page of the New York tabloids not too long ago? A headline declaring that the Mets are screwed in 2009 if they don't make a run at Manny.

Excuse me? Why on earth would we want Manny in that clubhouse? We don't need a Manny Ramirez with all the baggage he brings... ohhhhh, I get it. The New York sports media want the Mets to sign him because then THEY'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT! Nothing like a little clubhouse drama and tension to sell newspapers, even if there is none. So naturally Omar Minaya and Brian Cashman both had to issue denials this week about being interested in Manny, simply because it's now a story, and it shouldn't be. We're quite happy with the roster we have, especially since we resigned Oliver Perez. Of course, I saw that one coming... all we had to do was wait until the first few days of February and Scott Boras would relent, realize that nobody was going to sign Oliver for what Boras was asking, and come crawling back to us. Pretty good strategy. Besides, we can't do anything about the fact that a sizable segment of the baseball world thinks we're screwed in 2009 regardless of whether or not we have Manny; they all live in Philadelphia.

And speaking of Scott Boras clients and things I was right about... today we did get a LEGITIMATE SPORTS STORY. A-Rod reportedly tested positive for steroids back in 2003. Of course, I called this one back in the summer of '07 when I said he didn't look natural at all. Well, that'll knock the most overrated player on America's favorite 3rd-place team down a peg. Oh by the way, don't forget I correctly predicted the Yankees' 3rd-place finish last year. Geez, when you lump in me being just one point off on the S**** B***, I'm getting really good at this prediction business.

Anyway, A-Roid can't be punished for this transgression, since this was under the supposed anonymous testing program back in 2003, but he becomes just one more player from the last 10-15 years whose numbers you have to put a mental asterisk after. But this is a real story, and thank god because I really can't stand watching SportsCenter these days when it's 15 minutes of made-up NFL controversy, 44 minutes of NBA and college basketball highlights, and maybe 60 seconds of hockey coverage. After all, ESPN has the NBA and NOT the NHL, so they have to promote their product.

Thank god for MLB Network... Spring Training cannot come soon enough.

So Much for Bipartisanship

A new Gallup poll shows that most people think things are the same or worse when it comes to partisan strife in our government.

Oh well, it was nice to believe in hope and change, but any hopes of bipartisanship died last Thursday when President Obama's stimulus package failed to get a single Republican vote in the House. They didn't need a single Republican vote, of course; the Democrats have such a large majority in the House that they can pretty much do whatever they want. However, since President Obama made the effort to meet with Republican leaders to try to get their help on matters, this was unacceptable, so immediately, the attacks began again.

MoveOn.org started running ads against Republicans, pretty much telling their constituents, "Your Congressman doesn't want you to have a job." Oh, and of course many liberals promptly recycled their lines about "the failed policies of the last eight years."

Funny thing is that one of those Republicans targeted by MoveOn and company was Senator Judd Gregg of New Hampshire... who was tapped days later by President Obama to be his new Commerce secretary. Oops.

The Gregg appointment has Republicans everywhere holding their breath and crossing their fingers. You see, the governor of New Hampshire is a Democrat, and if he really wanted to, he could appoint that all-important 60th Democrat to the Senate that would make the Senate filibuster-proof and turn the Congress into a Democrat steamroller. Supposedly a deal is in the works... but after everything we had to go through in the past month or two with Blago in Illinois, do we really want to hear about any kind of "deal" being struck involving an open Senate seat?

Senator John Kyl of Arizona, however, would suggest that the Congress is already behaving like a Democrat steamroller. Republicans were completely frozen out of the process of crafting the stimulus package bill in the House; after all, their votes weren't needed to pass the thing. The prevailing wisdom for the Democrats, according to Kyl, is "we won, get out of our way." Yeah, that sounds really bipartisan, doesn't it? That's really "Change We Can Believe In", huh? I don't fault Obama in this, really. He's doing what he wanted to do, at least TRY to change the tone in Washington, but it's hard to do that when your own party's leaders in Congress won't buy what you're selling. And as the days pass and the Senate vote on the stimulus package grows closer, Obama seems to be falling into line and repeating the mantra that we have to pass this now or else. Isn't this the same thing we heard with the bailout package? It really feels like we're getting force-fed our medicine; you can understand it if people resist, that's just human nature.

Along those lines, the process has been slowed down enough that people have actually been able to read about some of the junk that is in the stimulus package and have fought back. In fact, very little of the bill seems to be about what we want most of all: for people to have jobs. Unless, of course, you want a job with the government. Ahhhh, that's how it works, we save or create 3 million jobs by either keeping businesses afloat with government handouts or creating a massive amount of new government jobs. The Republicans, of course, want more in the way of tax cuts, arguing that it would create more jobs and create them faster. Not sure about that if all it will do is reinforce the policy of get $300 tax rebate, spend $500, get $200 deeper in debt that was the mantra of Bush economics. This of course is not to be confused with the Democrats' conception of Bush economics: all tax cuts, even the ones that go to the middle-class, are really going to the rich... and that didn't create any jobs. Wait, didn't we create millions of jobs during the Bush presidency? Oh I see... all the lost jobs are pinned on Bush so it's a wash.

These lost jobs include the ones at New Process Gear here in Syracuse. The company that owns the plant (which has been around since 1888 and just a couple years ago employed 3000 people) ran it into the ground. They swore they would reinvest but workers argued that it was a pipe dream, and when Magna came back to them and said, "Accept more concessions or we're closing the plant," the workers overwhelmingly said to close the plant. It's a sad situation, a casualty of the dead SUV market caused by $4-a-gallon gas prices in the past couple years. But when a local UAW rep spoke today, who did he promptly blame? Bush.

Of course, because President Bush told a Canadian company to mismanage the place and of course is solely responsible for high gas prices because of all his oil buddies. Right. Good to see that Bush Derangement Syndrome hasn't been completely wiped out... of course many have just segued to the hot new disorder: Palin Derangement Syndrome.

So the Senate is working on trimming $100 billion from the stimulus package in the hopes that it will peel off a couple of Republicans... because it's a given that all the Democrats will vote for it, so they need to get to 60 somehow. Then it will go to the conference committee where much of the $100 billion might come back, it will fly through the House again with zero Republican votes, go back to the Senate where the Democrats hope they'll have their 60 votes by then with Franken winning in court and the NH governor going back on his "deal" and sail through easily. But not without more partisan bickering and not without both sides returning to their ideological corners and turning this back into being about nothing more than power.

Because that's what it is. Why else would people really care if no Republicans voted for the stimulus in the House? Because MoveOn and its ilk are now concerned with one goal: permanent one-party rule in Washington. And the Republicans of course want to regain power in Washington, so their leaders will map out the best course of strategy to get them there, which so far involves kow-towing to right-wing talk show hosts. I won't name them here; they love hearing their names mentioned too much as it is. Of course Obama didn't help things much when he publicly called out a certain talk show host and brought the spotlight back to this guy who had just managed to earn national scorn for hoping Obama failed as president.

The more things change, the more they stay the same...