Choking the Life Out of the Torch

As I'm writing this entry, the Closing Ceremony of the Winter Olympics is playing. I think it was awesome that they started the ceremony by making fun of the cauldron-lighting mess-up from the Opening Ceremony. Nobody knows how to laugh at themselves quite like Canadians.

However, now that I get a chance to think back about the last 17 days, the more fitting metaphor for these games was what happened after the boo-boo at BC Place. Wayne Gretzky lighting the official outdoor cauldron in a pouring rainstorm. Because what has transpired for the past two weeks has been nothing short of a rainy parade of negativity threatening to douse all the enthusiasm we had for these Olympic Games.

First we had the weather to complain about, because at a time when 49 U.S. states had snow cover thanks to various Snowpocalypses, Vancouver did not. Then a luge competitor died in a tragic accident during a practice run the day the Olympics began. Then there was a barricade collapse. Then we had people complaining that the cauldron was fenced off and nobody could go anywhere near it. We had that Yahoo blogger ripping on everything.

We had people who didn't know anything about curling two weeks ago (and probably still don't know anything about it) trashing the U.S. team and its captain for their disappointing showing. Poor John Shuster. Nobody knew who he was 2 weeks ago and he managed to become for a few days the most criticized athlete in the country (until Tiger Woods reclaimed that mantle with his joke of a press conference...) It got to the point where following a poor stone delivery in the Americans' last match, NBC microphones picked up Shuster muttering, "I hate this game." Well, who could blame the guy? He got BENCHED, for Christ's sake! Who gets benched in CURLING? Leave it to us Americans to find a new sport to love and immediately go into Monday morning quarterback mode over it.

And the curling theatrics didn't end there, as the Canadian curling crowds got so rowdy and loud that they drove an opposing women's curler to tears at one point. Sorry if this upsets people, but I actually have no problem with the Canadians going berserk for their team. Yes, it's only curling, but this is the sport's biggest stage, and if you can't handle a loud opposing crowd, oh well. It's not like you were a Villanova basketball player facing 35,000 screaming Orange fans at the Carrier Dome last night, and based on how 'Nova did last night, you probably wouldn't want to be them. And after all this, do I still love curling? Oh you betcha, yah!!!

Then we had what may have been the highlight of the Olympics for many, the USA men's hockey team stunning the host Canadians last Sunday. And although the game set ratings records for both a hockey broadcast and for MSNBC, there were a lot of angry people the next day... because the game was on MSNBC, and not the main broadcast network, NBC. A lot of guys weren't happy that ice dancing took precedence over what wound up being the biggest USA hockey win since the Miracle on Ice. Well, Mr. Extra Snarky Yahoo Blogger REALLY pissed people off (myself included) when he replied to the protests by expressing raves for the NBC coverage and essentially saying that nobody really cares about hockey. EXCUSE ME??? NBC wound up making amends by televising all of the USA medal round games on the mother network.

Meanwhile the Canadians were getting into the angry negative act, as crowds of heretofore polite Neighbors to the North filled the streets of Vancouver chanting "F--- USA!!!" after last Sunday's hockey upset. The Canadian media was criticizing the early disappointments of their Olympians, changing the motto "own the podium" to "blown the podium". But all that changed when the Canadians started stockpiling gold medals in the team sports. The women's hockey team beat the U.S. for the gold, then proceeded to have a full-blown party on the ice, complete with beer, champagne, and cigars. If it were the men, it would probably be an amusing story... but it was the women. So we had to deal with the IOC considering "penalties" for the Canadians. Oh for the love of god... let 'em have a good time! I loved it!

And what Winter Olympics isn't complete without a judging controversy involving the South Korean short-track speed skaters? A women's relay event that was thought to be won by the South Koreans was instead given to the Chinese because one of the South Koreans bumped a Chinese competitor out of her way en route to the finish. Just like in 2002 when Apolo Ohno got a gold medal following a similar incident in Salt Lake City, South Korea went apeshit. One particular South Korean was arrested when he threatened to BLOW UP THE AUSTRALIAN EMBASSY because the judge in both incidents was from Australia. Between their Olympic meltdowns and their World Cup lunacy (stay tuned for what they'll do this summer), I think South Korea needs a nice lesson in not taking international sporting events so damn seriously. It's just sports!!!

We finished with a stirring USA-Canada rematch for the men's hockey gold medal, this time on NBC. The Americans dramatically tied the game with 22 seconds left in regulation, only to see the Canadians finally come through for the home fans in overtime. The winning goal was scored by Pittsburgh Penguins superstar/NBC hockey posterboy Sidney Crosby, which immediately sent NHL conspiracy theorists into overdrive trying to prove that NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and NBC rigged the gold medal game in order to goose ratings for their NHL coverage when it returns next weekend. It didn't help when Al Michaels and Bob Costas kicked off the Closing Ceremony coverage by saying that if Canada had lost the game, it would have pretty much ruined the ceremony.

But the Canadians' hockey victory gave them their Winter Olympic-record 14th gold medal, so they may not have owned the podium, but they certainly owned the top of it. And it seemed like every Canadian athlete wanted to get a picture with flag bearer Joannie Rochette, who did not win one of the 14 gold medals, but instead won a bronze medal in ladies figure skating just days after her mother passed away. And with all due respect to the South Korean who did win gold, Joannie gets the unofficial 15th gold from everyone who watched these games for providing the most inspiring performance. I would hope that moments like those would be the legacy of these games and not all the negative moments we heaped on this 17-day international sporting get-together.

Which once again leads us to the question we have at the end of every Olympics: Do we really want to do this all again 4 years from now (or 2 in the case of the next summer games)? Of course we do. But hopefully when we do this again in Sochi, Russia in 2014, the Russian consulate will somehow misplace the Yahoo blogger's press credentials. It would be a start...

Turn Down the Snarky Just a Little

Yeah, I know I'm the last person you would ever expect to hear this from, considering... well, every word I've blogged for almost a decade, but I think we could go without always having to see someone somewhere criticizing something. And yes I realize that I'm criticizing those who criticize (to use a fancy academic-type word, I'm "metacriticizing"), but you need to call people on this stuff, and I'm just the guy to do it. Who better to play the role of Snark Police than someone who knows what it is to be snarky? But I know where the line is, so I'm out to stop this trend toward snark overkill in cyberspace.

I can only use my experiences to illustrate my point, so we'll start with Yahoo... I use them for my e-mail so I'm on their site a good, oh, 10-12 times a day. I'm a little tired of logging on to Yahoo, seeing something interesting or amazing that happened, and then their need to post a link to one of their bloggers who wants to trash it. Case in point: the Winter Olympics. So far, their blog (which I won't identify by name because they don't deserve the publicity) has found a way to trash just about EVERYTHING that has happened. Their "top 10 moments of the Opening Ceremony"? The 10 things they hated the most. They managed to find a US snowboarder who had a problem with other snowboarders' PANTS! And it's not just overanalyzing (and overcriticizing) the Olympics. After every week of NFL playoff games this year, you had the big headline, followed by "Blogger: The Refs Hosed Us".

This also extends to their television blog, which I've taken issue with for some time. The blog has, among other things, trashed "Heroes" for daring to give their superhuman characters (*gasp*) feelings and emotions, trashed "Fringe" for not being a carbon-copy of "Lost" or "Alias", and... oh yeah, they trashed everything about the Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony as well. I guess I feel the need to ask Yahoo if this is what they consider "balance". Have the glowing news stories and then balance it with bloggers trashing everything. It's not really "balance" if you ask me, and frankly you don't need it. It's not like you're ever going to be taken seriously as a news outlet.

Whoops, now I'm trashing Yahoo... once again, I'm part of the problem. Oh well...

So let me tell you something positive about the Winter Olympics, so I can balance myself... I actually thought the Opening Ceremony was pretty good, despite the presence of Bryan Adams (and the fact that I couldn't get that damn "bang the drum" song out of my head for days afterward). Even with the number of times we had to hear about low budgets, I didn't really think of what I was watching in terms of dollar signs. It was a tremendous show, especially with the 3D floor effects. Okay, yeah they screwed up the cauldron lighting, but don't let that epic fail color your memories of a great few hours before that. And there's the events, of course... my favorite, naturally, is the hockey, but I haven't been able to watch it yet. Why? Because NBC won't air it in prime time. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised by this, after all it's the same network that has the friggin' contract for the NHL and punted half of the Stanley Cup Finals to the Versus network, despite record-high ratings. And I have yet to see the U.S. play. Oh don't get me wrong, it's kinda cool to watch the Czechs play Latvia, but I would think NBC would be all over the U.S. team, since that's what they do. And now I'm being snarky about NBC, so I'll move on to other sports...

Like speed skating. I always enjoy that, cuz if you've ever seen me skate then you know that I can barely stay upright, let alone skate quickly. Then there's the demolition derby known as short-track speedskating. It wasn't as exciting that Apolo Ohno won yet another medal in his event, so much as the fact that he got it because 2 of the 3 South Koreans ahead of him went flying off the track into the wall in the last turn as they jockeyed for podium position. And speaking of crashing, there's the skiing events. I especially like watching the moguls (although they make my knees sore just watching). But you really have to appreciate that every freestyle moguls skier has a backstory that goes something like: "she's broken her leg twice, had 6 knee surgeries, broke her jaw... but here she is skiing for the gold". That is DEDICATION.

And then there's curling... I mean what can you say about curling? Especially considering I have no freakin' clue how you're supposed to play this game, and yet I can't stop watching it! I spend some time with it every 4 years during the Winter Olympics, and each time I learn something new. This time around, I learned that there is a CLOCK in curling. Yeah, it's timed. And as such, there are time-outs. Why, I'm not sure.

And it wouldn't be the Winter Olympics if we didn't have the Russians raising hell about judging in figure skating. This time, it was on the men's side, where American Evan Lysacek downed Russian favorite Evgeni Plushenko, despite many seeing Plushenko's routine as more athletic and more daring. One Russian media outlet dismissed the hoo-ha, recalling Salt Lake City 8 years ago when they were "robbed" by judges who gave the women's gold to Sarah Hughes. "Nobody remembers Sarah Hughes," they said, "So it's no big deal." While it may be true that Sarah Hughes' name doesn't immediately come to mind when we think of all-time Olympic figure skaters, we DO remember you guys bitching every time you don't win a gold medal. Oops, I'm being too snarky about the Russians... ah screw it, they deserve it.

So it is possible to review the Winter Olympics without finding every little thing to criticize. I'll leave the bad-mouthing of the Canadian organizers for other people and take a page from our neighbors to the north and be a little nicer and a little less snarky... for this entry anyway. I'm not making any promises for the next one...

Son of the Return of the Snowpocalypse

This is a really cruel joke, and I'm not laughing...

One of the distinct advantages of moving from Syracuse to Philadelphia to get my doctorate was the fact that I wouldn't have to deal with nearly as much snow during the winter time. The average winter snowfall in Philadelphia is about 20 inches... in Syracuse, it's about 120. It's not exactly a well-kept secret how much I hate snow and all that comes with it. Even when Philly got a 23-inch snowstorm in late December, I laughed about it, because I was back in Syracuse at the time.

Then this week happened. First we get a massive snowstorm last weekend that dumped 28.5 inches of snow on Philadelphia. Just shy of an all-time record for one storm, and have I mentioned that the average snowfall for an ENTIRE WINTER here is 20 inches? People across the mid-Atlantic (including Baltimore and Washington, who got walloped as well) started calling it "Snowpocalypse", or "Snowmageddon" if you prefer. But the one thing you can count on in Philadelphia is that attitude of making the best of a bad situation, so you had kids (of all ages) getting out their snow tubes and sledding down the steps of the Art Museum, you had neighbors helping neighbors with the shoveling, it was just one major inconvenience. Hell, CBS is probably thanking Old Man Winter for his help, because so many people were forced to stay at home for the Super Bowl (and therefore more TVs were tuned to the game) that the Saints' victory over the Colts set an all-time record for most-watched program (formerly held by the M*A*S*H finale). Meanwhile in DC, people once again held impromptu mass snowball fights, and this time there were no off-duty cops waving guns at the participants.

By Monday, things were starting to get back to normal... then came word we were getting ANOTHER MAJOR STORM. Snowpocalypse II... except I didn't count the December storm, so it's really more like Snowpocalypse III, or "Son of the Return of the Snowpocalypse." Anyway, despite everyone's best efforts, we still weren't all that dug out from the FIRST storm. But then again, it's hard to plow streets where people park on both sides and in some cases, double park. The "odd-even" parking laws they have in Syracuse would NEVER work in Philadelphia. I'm sure people probably rushed out to the grocery stores again, because you can go through a LOT of bread, milk, and eggs in three days. And on that note, let me add to a number of my friends who don't get the whole "must have bread, milk, and eggs" thing before a major storm. Does "major storm" equal "French toast" to everyone? I had already done all my grocery shopping before the first storm... and did not need bread OR milk OR eggs. Incidentally, note to the South Philly ShopRite: during the panic before a winter storm, it might not be the best idea to play "It's the End of the World" by R.E.M. over the PA system. I'm just sayin'...

So after a quasi-normal Tuesday, here we go again, heavy snowfall, blizzard conditions, local TV stations running coverage all day in place of regular programming (which would NEVER happen in Syracuse... mostly because the local stations have cut back so much that they wouldn't have the manpower). All told, another 15.8 inches of snow, smashing the all-time record for most snowfall in one winter in Philadelphia. And this time, it wasn't the fluffy, easily wind-blown, easily removable snow from the first storm... no, this stuff is icy, thick, heavy, may-require-power-tools-to-get-it-off-your-car snow. How do I know this? Cuz I just had to go drive my roommate to the subway station because the buses still aren't running. And it's pretty clear what the plows considered to be "high-priority" streets, because it goes from clear to passable to CRAP really quickly, in some cases you pretty much have to go where the plows went or you're screwed. My school has closed for the second straight day, so my "weekend" technically began Tuesday night... not that you really get a "weekend" when you're a grad student because you always have so much work to do.

So how much snow exactly have we gotten here in the New Snow Belt? Glad you asked, because it may spin your head around. I as a native Central New Yorker had only ever heard of the Golden Snowball (which by the way is the stupidest name for an award EVER), which goes to the Upstate city that gets the most snow. Apparently there is also a Golden Snow Globe (MUCH better name) that goes to the biggest snowmaker in the United States. Syracuse usually wins both awards. Well, at the moment, Syracuse has been knocked off it's lofty perch... by BALTIMORE. Yup, if you're scoring at home (or even if you're by yourself), here's the current standings:

1. Baltimore: 79.9 inches
2. Syracuse: 75.9
3. Erie, Pah: 71.7
4. PHILLY: 71.6
5. Rochester: 63.9

This is NOT an award we want to be in competition for. Syracuse can handle 75 inches of snow, people down here clearly CANNOT, especially when most of it falls IN ONE WEEK! Oh by the way, rumor has it there's ANOTHER STORM coming Monday. So that being the 4th storm of the series, would that make it "Revenge of the Son of the Return of the Snowpocalypse?" Stay tuned...

And speaking of mayhem and chaos, what the hell is going on in Albany? New York State government once again is showing us how not to do things. Senator Hiram Monserrate, one of the guys behind last summer's Senate "coup" but now a convicted felon, was expelled from the state Senate by a vote of 53-8 on Tuesday night. Extra Capitol police were called in just in case the now ex-senator had to be forcibly removed from the chamber. Monserrate's colleague, Ruben Diaz, called the Senate "racist". EXCUSE ME? It's now RACISM to toss A CONVICTED FELON out of elected office? Pedro Espada, the other kingpin of the 2009 coup, said that terrorists had more civil rights than Monserrate. Well Pedro, considering what YOU did last summer and what you got out of the deal, you really should have nothing to say about this, because at the very least YOU should be a convicted felon, and at worst, I'd almost consider YOU a TERRORIST.

And that's not even the craziest part! There must now be a special election to fill Monserrate's seat... and he could legally run in that election! He could actually win his seat back... and considering how blindly New Yorkers vote for incumbents no matter what they do, it's a real possibility! In the meantime, the Democrats hold a 31-30 majority... which means that if, say, the Republicans walk out AGAIN like they did last year, the Democrats wouldn't have quorum and the government would be shut down AGAIN. Which could well happen because they have that exercise in partisan futility called the state budget to take care of before April 1.

And I haven't even gotten to the rumor that spread around Albany like wildfire last week about Gov. Patterson. Supposedly the New York Times had a bombshell article that would catch Patterson red-handed cheating on his wife (though not with a prostitute like his predecessor, Client #9), and Patterson would have to resign in disgrace. This got everyone panicking with nightmare scenarios like... well, like Philadelphia before a Snowpocalypse. The worst-case scenario? Patterson resigns, leaving a power vacuum, because the Lt. Governor was appointed by Patterson and many think that was unconstitutional, so his legitimacy would be challenged all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States. If the appointed Lt. Gov. were to be thrown out, the next in line would be the president of the Senate, but that would make it 30-30 and REALLY shut things down. As it is, the NY Times has yet to publish anything on Patterson, so this story may just be evidence of how a rumor can cause paralyzing fear without there being anything to it. But even a non-story like this just further proves that New York really does have the most dysfunctional state government in the country.

And now that I'm done being hysterical, I think I need to go get some bread and milk...

Stretched to the Limit

Thank you, Old Man Winter, for that nice 28.5-inch present you dropped on us here in Philadelphia. I really appreciated being reminded of what I was supposedly missing in Syracuse. Oh well, I don't need to drive anywhere for a few days... I'll let the snow melt, let the maintenance folks dig out the parking lot, then I'll extricate my car from its spot. And the worst part is no classes will be cancelled because of this...

Anyway, brief nod to the weather reality aside, let's get to what I really want to talk about. Philadelphia made news earlier this week before the snow hit by implementing a new law requiring restaurants to eventually display such information on their menus as number of calories and amounts of trans-fats, saturated fats, carbohydrates, and sodium. Yet another "nanny state" measure designed to curb obesity by making you think about what's in that chocolate donut before you buy and inhale it, the strictest law yet. However, I'm not taking the "nanny state" angle this time... something in the Philadelphia Inquirer story about the new law caught my eye. A quote from someone at the Center for Science in the Public Interest, which might actually be the first intelligent thing I've ever seen from someone there. In case you're not familiar with CSPI, they're the guys who have spent the better part of the last two decades telling you that everything you like to eat will kill you. The end result of such stories have been trans-fat bans, frivolous lawsuits against McDonald's for making people fat, and as some right-wingers fear, eventual government micromanagement of everything you eat.

But again, I'm back on the "nanny state" track, so let me tell you what Margo Wootan of the CSPI had to say about the whole dining-out experience: "Back in the 1970s, eating out was a special occasion. What people ate didn't matter as much." Turns out that Americans now get an estimated 1/3 of their calories from meals outside the home. Restaurants have doubled and tripled their portion sizes... and wouldn't you do that if you were making such a brisk business the last 3 decades? But it got me thinking about what changed, and I think it comes down to two things: time and debt. We have too little of one and too much of the other.

Now I try not to eat out much, because I'm very particular about the things I eat and drink. Getting serious peptic ulcer problems in your mid-20s will do that. It would probably be good for me to make my lunch and bring it to campus with me... I'm just saying that "out loud" as a suggestion to myself that I will probably never follow. Anyway, when I can, I eat lunch at home and go to campus right afterward. That means that all I have on campus (if anything) is maybe a soft pretzel and an iced tea, which both can be had quite cheaply. I eat dinner when I get home. But at least 2 days a week, I'm on campus all day, so I've gotta eat lunch there. I consciously try to eat something healthy, but sometimes you've just gotta have a cheeseburger... or a cheesesteak (when in Rome, after all). I work out at the gym on these particular days so I'm probably okay doing this. Then again, I'm not most people.

No, most people are in this situation: they work all day, maybe more than one job if they can't get full-time hours at either, trying to make ends meet in a tough economy. They've overspent (sometimes their own fault, sometimes not), they've got a lot of debts weighing down on them, no pun intended. In order to make that money to keep the credit card bills and the mortgage paid, they extend themselves as far as they can timewise, so when it's time to eat... well, you gotta grab what's handy, and for most, that's fast food. Believe me, I've been there. In the past, on the way home from work was time to hit the Mickey D's drive-thru or grab a pizza. And when you can spare a little time for a tension-breaker with friends... well, you hit the restaurant or the bar that serves typical pub fare. Convenience. But also probably not too good for us. If you have kids, you stop and buy enough fast food for everyone... and then the kids share in your obesity problem. And they can't go outside and play after school because you live in a rough neighborhood, or you have them scheduled out the ying-yang with activities, or because letting kids be kids these days might result in a charge of child neglect against you. Or because they'd rather play Call of Duty.

The sad truth is buying groceries and making your meals at home costs a lot less than dining out or fast food, so you're adding to your budget problems for the sake of having time to make the money that might make your budget problems go away. Classic Catch-22. But how do we break the cycle? Restaurants have it tough enough with the bad economy (not to mention two-plus feet of snow falling on the weekend, when you expect the bulk of your weekly business), I certainly wouldn't want to tell people to stay away. But maybe it's time we restore going out to eat to its rightful place as something you do on a special occasion or to "treat yourself", not because it's there. If I want a nice night out with a friend, I'll bite the bullet and do the sports bar thing, but again, on occasion. I had the crab fries, I had the Tony Luke's cheesesteak, I don't need to go back repeatedly to remember what was so good about it. And as for the problem of not having time to cook, yeah I know it's rough working long hours and then having to make something for you and/or your family to eat, but time with your family's important too. We hear all the time about those studies on the benefits of families eating together at night... at home, not at Burger Death.

I guess what I'm saying is don't throw your hands up and say there's nothing you can do, because there is. So grow a conscience and at least make an effort. A little self-improvement never hurt anyone...

And nothing says bad eating behaviors quite like the Super Bowl, which of course happens tomorrow night, so I better make my prediction before it's too late. I'm on a bit of a roll, having only missed last year's final score by one point. I've gotten the last four games right (Pittsburgh, Indy, the Giants, and Pittsburgh again), pushing my lifetime record to 14-8, for entertainment purposes only of course. And I always qualify that lifetime mark by noting that I picked the Bills all 4 times they were in the Super Bowl. So this year, it's Indy and New Orleans. I always get in trouble when I pick with my heart (again, I picked the Bills 4 years straight, and I picked the Eagles in '05 for McNabb, my last wrong pick)... but I can't pick against New Orleans. Too great a story, so do with that what you will. Saints over the Colts, 35-31.