Living the Dream, One Year at a Time

I'm happy to say I can continue to drive a car for another year... because my car passed state inspection.

Not that it was without some complications. I live in Pennsylvania, which among its other difficulties of life (not the least of which includes the fact that a certain institution of higher learning does not believe I really live here, but that's another story) is ridiculously stingy when it comes to automobile inspections. I have lived in Pennsylvania long enough to have required a state car inspection 5 times... and I have NEVER passed a car on the first try. There's always something that comes up which requires me to part with a hefty chunk of my money. When I told my roommate (who hails from Michigan) of my annual state-imposed misery, his reply was, "You need to get your car inspected?"

Apparently in Michigan, there is no such thing as a state car inspection. Considering Michigan is the epicenter of the American automotive industry, this puzzles me. I would think they would want in on this racket; the more cars flunk inspection, the more money you make on parts, or you may just sell more cars because the owner says the hell with it and buys a new one. But I guess the rule in Michigan is you are legally allowed to run your car into the ground, run it until it dies. And I guess there's nothing more American than that. It certainly makes more sense than flipping out because I have rust on my hood.

Of course it has rust on the hood, I moved here from New York! Where we need to keep our cars going in 3 feet of snow on a regular basis during the winter time; ergo, we use a LOT of salt on the roads, and ergo, our cars rust. New York is the state that gave birth to the "winter rat", the car that is pretty much a rust bucket, but you drive it all winter long because at that time of year, nobody cares what your car looks like as it's usually buried under snow just like all the other cars. Then when the weather gets better, you dump it or stash it in the garage and get a nice-looking car. But the point is we New Yorkers don't give a rat's ass about rust unless the car is literally about to fall apart (and I actually have failed a NY inspection on that point). That's how I was able to buy a used car 5 years ago and get it through 4 New York inspections with not a word about rust.

But in Pennsylvania, they are Rust Nazis. When I first moved to Chambersburg in 2001, the used car I had bought mere months earlier (which easily passed New York inspection) was declared undriveable by PA inspectors. So I had to buy another used car, which served me faithfully for the 3 years I lived down there... and flunked 3 state inspections on the first try. And every time it flunked, it required those hard-to-obtain VW replacement parts (oh those wacky Germans) and therefore cost me mucho dinero. But it was a faithful car that got me by for the 3 years that I had to make payments on it. I finished paying it off in December 2004... and the brakes went 4 months later. And the car completely died 4 months after that. Couldn't even get a year of freedom from payments.

But the point I'm making here is that PA state inspections are excruciating. Which is why last year when I first moved to Philadelphia and took the car in, I wasn't expecting it to skate. And indeed, it did not. I was told it needed a new hood because of the rust on the front. And a bunch of other things needed to be fixed, but the hood was the most expensive part... and the most pointless because the only thing wrong with it was cosmetic. Why did I not get rid of the car? Well I mentioned that my present car had passed 4 inspections in New York, but alas I was only 4 years into 5 years of payments. So I had to basically pay through the nose for the right to make the last year of payments. Makes a ton of sense, right? Such is car ownership in Pennsylvania.

Well in the year since, the car has put more miles on it, mostly in trips back and forth to Syracuse because I don't drive it much in Philly. However, I have had to drive on I-95 quite a bit, particularly last summer when I had to go back and forth to my teaching job. Driving on I-95 South between Center City and the Stadium Complex may as well be like driving in a bouncy house. You're on an elevated viaduct (much like I-81 in Syracuse) and the pavement comes at you in waves. It takes a toll on a car's struts, and sure enough, it did mine in, so I had to go in for repairs. While I was at the repair shop, I figured I may as well see what else needed to be done to get the car through inspection. Ya know, be proactive. I had a set dollar amount of how much I was willing to pay; after all, I was done paying the car off and therefore had no practical reason to keep it. Wouldn't you know they just barely estimated the cost for repairs within my price range. So I got everything taken care of and a week later, took the car in for inspection... and it STILL flunked.

Apparently, they overlooked a bolt in the engine mount. Yes... a freakin' BOLT. And so it was that I paid more than I wanted to for repairs. But the car is now legal for another year... so I have the privilege of legally driving my car, free of payments, for a year until the next time it comes up for inspection. Yay.

Now I guess I should be thrilled about this, but knowing what happened the last time I finished paying off a car, I'm hesitant to think I'm totally in the clear here. After all, I have next September to look forward to, when the car will go in for inspection again and (so history tells me) will likely flunk again. At this point in my life, I really can't afford a car payment so I'm happy to not have to make one. I could do without the outrageously high car insurance premium, but I do need a car even though I don't drive much. It's about having the freedom to drive when I want to (and can spare a few bucks for gas). Freedom, the American Dream, all that stuff. Not about my right to have a car, that's just ludicrous, about as much so as people thinking they have a right to health care or a house. But the fact that I made the money in order to afford to own a car and do all the things that having a car allows you to do... mostly psychological. I love long drives; they are so good for clearing your head. I've gotten to see a lot of places via automobile. I've had my car much longer than any one apartment I've ever lived in.

So if I had my way, I wouldn't make a car payment for quite a while, but in light of what awaits next year, I'm thinking it might be time to buy my first new car. If it is financially feasible next summer, perhaps I will. Or maybe there are other options... when I told a friend of mine about my latest inspection-related headaches, she replied, "You could always move to New Jersey... they don't do state inspections there." Point for New Jersey...

State of the Tube 2010

Once again, it is time for me to opine on the state of television as the new fall season is underway and all the new shows have been rolled out... and in some cases, have already rolled over. This year, we've had not one, not two, but three new series get the axe after just two episodes. I'm happy about one of them, that being Fox's "Lonestar", which got cancelled to make way for an earlier-than-expected return of "Lie to Me", one of my favorite shows. However, I'm disappointed that ABC's "My Generation" got yanked. Granted, it was not a show I could watch live because it was on opposite NBC's Thursday night comedies and CBS's attempt to counter with sitcoms (and that's likely what killed if off) so I had to watch on Hulu. But I cannot get into a series and then see the plug pulled but then be told that they'll continue to run the episodes they have. There's no point in continuing to watch. I thought it was a pretty decent show, but I found the "documentary format" to be limiting. They always had to remind you that the characters were on camera, so you got a sense that anything important happening wasn't going to be as good as it could have been, because they had to go through the charade of the characters telling the film crew not to record what they were doing.

Anyway, let's go through my rundown of what's on the tube and what you should be watching (because it's what I'm watching). Beginning with Sunday night... "The Simpsons" still pulls off the occasional decent episode but it's not appointment TV for me. I was relieved that what was billed as a "Glee"-themed episode was rather limited in that aspect and saved by the guys from "Flight of the Conchords". But I'm not inclined to go out of my way to watch the show anymore, it's just been on too long. As for what follows, well, "The Cleveland Show" is back for a second season and has ALREADY been on too long. "Family Guy" is still sharp; I'm not sure what the general reaction was to last week's Rush Limbaugh episode, but I think it had a lot to tell us about political discourse and respecting your opponent. Of course, there were things in that episode that made no sense (such as trying to convince us that Limbaugh and John McCain liked each other), but I was able to overlook that. And both sides were skewered equally; you had the Republican song-and-dance number, followed by Nancy Pelosi having to stash a lit crackpipe. However, it is still "Mad Men" that makes Sunday nights, and there are only 2 episodes left this season to enjoy it. Everything is building toward total collapse at Sterling Cooper Draper Price, and the last few episodes have been among the best in the series. Likely to win the show many more Emmys next year.

Monday night is still anchored by "How I Met Your Mother" on CBS, back for its 6th season. Yes, we're still waiting to find out who the "mother" is, but last season managed to come up with just enough triumphant moments (including not one, but two musical numbers) to warrant not only syndication but my continuing rapt attention this year. I'm not much of a fan of the other Monday night CBS comedies (especially "Two and a Half Men"). The return of "Lie to Me" after a gripping summer run of episodes makes 9:00 on Fox a regular routine for me. Although they clumsily wrote Mekhi Phifer out of the show (he got shot in the season 2 finale last month and Cal Lightman makes a throwaway line in the season 3 premiere about not working with the FBI anymore), the constant flux that is the Lightman Group's financial situation and the personnel of said organization provides a good backstory to the weekly attempts by Cal & Co. to spot the bad guys. This also has caused episodes of NBC's "The Event" to back up on my DVR. The pilot episode was intriguing enough and I want to find out what's going on and everything, but after going through the cancellation and the unsatisfying ending of ABC's "Flash Forward" last season, maybe I'm just hesitant to get jerked around again.

Tuesday nights have started to redeem themselves in my eyes. Last year, I couldn't find anything worth watching on Tuesdays, but now we have "Parenthood" on NBC and "Detroit 1-8-7" on ABC vying for viewers' attention in the 10pm slot. "Parenthood" is superbly written and has a great ensemble cast.

Wednesday nights are all about "The Middle" and "Modern Family" on ABC. The latter is clearly the best comedy on television (and has the Emmys to prove it), and the first few episodes of this season have all been home runs. Just a laugh-out-loud funny show and if you aren't watching it, you are missing out big time. "The Middle" seemed to stumble a little in its season premiere but has managed to retain the quirky charm that made it a hit last season.

Thursday nights continue to be the night when seemingly everything happens. With "My Generation" already suffering the same fate as "Flash Forward" last year (albeit MUCH sooner), things are only uncluttered a little. "Community" has its share of fans on NBC at 8:00 but I still don't really get it, and it's now up against CBS' "Big Bang Theory" which I also don't get but it got the guy who plays Sheldon an Emmy last year so it definitely has its core group of fans too. Do these two groups overlap and will that lead to a duel to the death for these two shows? NBC moved "30 Rock" to 8:30 to secure its audience from tuning out after "The Office" (more on that in a moment), and so far that show has also managed to knock every episode out of the park. From Tracy Jordan landing on "Cash Cab" in order to get to the birth of his daughter, to a hurried show of diversity in order to please a grandstanding congresswoman (whose sense of inflection without really saying anything seems to be a parody of a certain current president), the show is firing on all cylinders.

Meanwhile on CBS, you get William Shatner and "Shit My Dad Says" (which of course is bleeped for TV consumption but I don't bleep this blog). I want to like this show, but so far it only seems to be half a good show. By that I mean that for every great joke, there is one that completely fails. This is the drawback of the "heavy laugh-track" sitcom. When the jokes are really good, you don't really mind or notice the laugh track because you're laughing along. When the jokes are really bad, the laugh track comes off as silly to downright annoying. But I enjoy the chemistry between Shatner's character and the son, so the show has a chance. On the other hand, I forgot to record it last week, so maybe I've unconsciously made my call on that show...

I got into "The Office" a little bit through watching reruns and I kinda like the show but it's still not something I feel I have to watch every week. Having a show like that in syndication is kinda nice cuz I can catch up on it whenever I feel like it. But you kinda get a sense that they're REALLY trying to knock this season out of the park because it's Steve Carell's last season on the show and most hardcore "Office" fans have indicated that they're done watching the show when Carell leaves. As for the new 9:30 NBC show, "Outsourced"... well, remember what I said about tuning out after "The Office"? Yeah, that's what you want to do with this show. Big time. Fox's "Fringe" continues to be compelling, especially with the alternate universe figuring prominently into the way the show is presented. At this point, episodes alternate between taking place in one universe then the other, with the "red vs. blue" open of the show acting as your indication of which universe is the setting. It's fun looking for the various quirks of the alternate universe, such as the misspelling of "Manhatan" and the ads for the 11th season of "The West Wing", but you also want to know why is the air quality so bad? Did Walter kidnapping the Peter from this world cause that to happen somehow? Soon enough, our questions will be answered because you have to know they are moving toward a resolution of the switched Olivia Dunhams. I hear that the ratings are down for "Fringe", and if that's the case, it's disappointing and I also wonder where they've gone. Is "Nikita" on The CW that good a show for that audience to steal people away?

Oh, and speaking of the CW, there are werewolves on "The Vampire Diaries" now... because apparently you cannot have any vampire franchise that doesn't also have werewolves (see also: "Twilight", "True Blood", "Buffy", etc.)

"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" has returned to the 10pm slot on FX for another season. The most recent episode that featured WMMR's Preston & Steve, Mac trying to learn the art of skating and the hockey slapshot, and Dee and Dennis' attempt at podcasting was just the latest in a long line of razor-sharp presentations. And the best is yet to come... such as the fact that with Kaitlin Olson (who plays Dee) being pregnant when they shot Season 6, they will incorporate it into the show... by suddenly making Dee 8 months pregnant. Should be a classic.

The CW brings us the only redeeming television on Friday nights, that being the fact that "Smallville" is FINALLY in its last season. They've teased us with the promise that at some point soon, Clark Kent will don the red and blue tights and become Superman (they even quoted Nietzsche last week in their effort to hint at the inevitable). But first, Clark must defeat his greatest enemy... himself. Just as the "mirror match" is the climax for your classic video games, so too does it appear to be for "Smallville". I made it this far with the show, I may as well see it through to the finish.

As we well know, Saturdays are a wasteland unless you like college football and come December, they will just be a wasteland period. So I use Saturdays to catch up on everything I have saved on the DVR. After all I am a busy grad student who has class 2 nights a week and therefore doesn't get to see everything I want when it's on. Sadly, I am fighting a losing battle. You will all just have to go on without me... happy viewing!

A Phun Time to Be a Philly Phan

There's a liner (short promotional blurb) that often runs during Glenn Beck's show on his affiliate here in Philadelphia, where he says, "Nothing like being in Philadelphia... especially this time of year!" How true he is right now, because this may be a peak weekend of Philly phanaticism. Whether you consider this a good or bad thing requires some explanation.

Let's start with baseball... the Phillies won their 4th straight NL East championship and are resting up for the first round of the playoffs. The Braves are hoping they'll rest just enough this weekend to allow Atlanta to pull out the requisite wins to get into the playoffs. The Phillies fans are downright giddy but I'm glad my Mets were able to prevent them from clinching the division on their home field. Little victories (and more on the Mets later). They also are proclaiming that they will be playing Cincinnati in the first round of the playoffs next week, although this is not a foregone conclusion. The Padres are still alive and have a chance to catch Atlanta for the wild-card spot or San Francisco to force a one-game NL West playoff.

Also, I'm not sure why the Phillies want so badly to play the Reds. The Reds of 2010 are a lot like a younger version of the Phillies. They play in a homer-happy ballpark, but also feature lots of good pitchers. On paper, Johnny Cueto, Mike Wood, and Edinson Volquez don't appear to match Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, and Roy Oswalt, and the Phils did win 5 of 7 from the Reds this season, including a 4-game home sweep. However, a closer look reveals that most of these games either came down to the bullpens or were 1-0 games. The fact that the Phillies couldn't seem to score runs if their lives depended on it from about mid-May to about mid-July suggests that the Reds' young arms are definitely capable of shutting down the Phillies' bats. Add in flamethrower Aroldis Chapman (who wasn't in the bigs yet when these teams last played) in the bullpen, and this series becomes a toss-up. Treating this series as a walkover will result in early tee times for the Phillies.

But first, there's the events of Sunday at Lincoln Financial Field, and that's what really makes this such a major weekend for PhillyFan. Donovan McNabb returns to Philadelphia this weekend, but it's not what it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be the game where The Chosen One, Kevin Kolb, would prove why some Eagles fans thought he was better than McNabb. Except Kolb's reign as Eagles starting quarterback lasted all of two quarters. He sustained a concussion in the opener against Green Bay, Michael Vick came in and led a frenzied second-half comeback that came up just short, then he excelled in wins over Detroit and Jacksonville. As a result, Vick is now the starter and other teams are calling the Eagles about picking up Kolb in a trade... which many Eagles fans would be okay with. From "chosen one" to trade bait in two quarters... that's world-record fast even for Philadelphia.

So the Eagles will be counting on Seven (Vick) to beat Five (McNabb)... yes, the Philly media loves to nickname Eagles QBs after their jersey numbers. Meanwhile, PhillyFan will be counting on the Eagles D to beat the crap out of McNabb. The media is treating this story with kid gloves compared to what I'm really hearing from Eagles Nation. We see stories on TV and in print of "will the Eagles fans cheer McNabb when he takes the field as a thank you for the 11 years he gave them, or will they boo him because he's the enemy." Simple answer... they will BOO. LOUDLY. Just as they have ever since Draft Day in 1999 when they booed his selection by the Eagles. PhillyFan has always hated McNabb, has never appreciated the 5 NFC title games and 1 Super Bowl he got the Eagles to, and need I remind you that on the morning after he was traded to DC, local talk show hosts were suggesting a parade so they could officially run McNabb out of town. I have friends who are calling for a return to the Buddy Ryan "Bounty Bowl" days of Eagles players getting paid bonuses for knocking players out of the game. Never mind that most objective (read: not in Philadelphia) NFL fans considered that a classless chapter in the history of a classless city.

If it sounds like I'm rooting for McNabb to whoop the Eagles, you're completely correct. I want to see McNabb shred the Eagles defense, win by 3 TDs, and have Eagles fans freaking out over it. They deserve it for the way they treated one of the best quarterbacks (if not the best) in their beloved team's history.

And that may not be the only spectacle at the Linc tomorrow. This will be Vick's first home start as Eagles QB, and this has sparked renewed anger from some of the animal-rights crowd that was outraged when the Eagles signed him. Does this mean we're going to see a repeat of the dueling protests at his first home game as an Eagle last year, when PETA protesters sparred with NAACP members who were defending Vick's right to make a living? Well, considering this game is already going to have a circus atmosphere, may as well add another ring to it, right?

And the Flyers are about to begin their defense of the Eastern Conference championship. Their Stanley Cup playoff run last season has reinstilled a sense of hockey pride for PhillyFan, and I was reminded of this not too long ago while catching a bus. The SEPTA bus was (as usual) early, but the driver actually realized he was running early and he stopped, opened the door and saw me and a lady coming, so he waited for us to get there. Then he saw I was wearing a Buffalo Sabres jersey... and he told me matter-of-factly, "I should have shut the doors in your face for wearing THAT jersey." We're not even in the same DIVISION! Suffice to say that when the Sabres played the Flyers in a preseason game here last night, I was not in attendance because I'm sure I would not get the same tepid response I got last season. Does getting "Flyered up" mean increasing the rage quotient?

The real problem I have with PhillyFan these days is that when their teams aren't winning (as was the case all the time in the 1990s and in many postseasons before 2008), they're comical to watch. Not that they aren't funny to watch nowadays when they're getting tasered, but I digress. Their indignation and hypercritical attitudes are amusing when their teams fail... but since they've started winning, they've become different. They've turned up the shove-it-in-your-face factor almost to the point of (dare I say it) YANKEES FANS. Proving once and for all that my problem isn't really with the local sports teams, especially the Phillies... it's their FANS I hate. The Phillies play the game the way it should be played, they play hard, they're focused, they're a classy bunch. But how ironic that their fans are the epitome of NOT being classy...

And on that note, we return to my Mets. Recent news reports have the team firing both manager Jerry Manuel and GM Omar Minaya when the season ends tomorrow. I am more than okay with that decision. The goal for this season was to finish above .500; others had more lofty goals for this team and when the team was in contention in June, that seemed possible, but the more realistic expectation was a winning season. They failed to do that. The team imploded when Carlos Beltran and his "I don't care" attitude returned in July, and hopes of a winning season went down the crapper when the Mets just seemed to give up following a mid-September sweep by the Braves. Add to that an embarrassing situation where Beltran and fellow malcontents Luis Castillo and Oliver Perez skipped the team trip to Walter Reed to visit injured soldiers last month, and K-Rod's season-ending injury that he suffered while he was fighting with his girlfriend's father. This team had NO heart, too many players who had no interest in playing hard or winning, and it weighed the Mets down the entire second-half of the season.

The worst part is Beltran, Castillo, Perez, and K-Rod are all signed through next year to bloated contracts, making it very difficult to either trade any of them or waive them and eat the money. You can blame Jerry Manuel for not being able to fire up his players, but I don't think ANYONE could motivate these guys. Omar Minaya put this team together, paying out 8-figure deals for players who only care about their numbers and their paychecks, and in so doing he's made us into the baseball version of the New York Knicks. We have a ton of big contracts we can't get rid of and we can't get any decent free agents because our payroll is tapped out. The 2006 team had Paul LoDuca and Tom Glavine and others who had the pedigree to keep the clubhouse in line and everyone oriented toward the goal of winning a championship. As the years passed, Minaya let all of those players go. The end result is a 4th-place, sub-.500 team. The reward should be a swift kick in the ass out the door.

Now is the time to make a major move, because we have lots of young talent who, with the right personnel on and off the field, could gel into a contender as soon as next season. So this is my prescription for 2011: hire a winner, someone from a winning organization. Minaya was a good judge of talent, but not of temperament; we need someone who knows what a winner looks like. So I suggest swiping Damon Oppenheimer from the Yankees, for whom he is currently their scouting director. Not only does it look good on the back pages but it installs someone who knows how to help put together champions (although to be fair, he's also responsible for the abortion known as Joba Chamberlain).

Then you put a veteran winner in the clubhouse who knows how to handle players and keep them united. Bobby Valentine. He's managed the Mets to a World Series before, and he was unfairly thrown under the bus in 2002 for the misdeeds of another discredited former GM. He deserves this. Then you roll out the following lineup on Opening Day: 1B- Ike Davis, 2B- Ruben Tejada or Luis Hernandez, SS- Jose Reyes, 3B- David Wright, LF- Jason Bay, CF- Angel Pagan, RF- Daniel Murphy or Lucas Duda, C- Josh Thole, Starting Pitchers- Johan Santana, Mike Pelfrey, Jonathan Niese, R.A. Dickey, Dillon Gee, and Hisanori Takahashi as your closer. Notice all the names missing... Castillo, Beltran, Perez, K-Rod... that is because they must all be TRADED IMMEDIATELY. If you have to suck it up and get only beans for them, it doesn't matter, GET THEM OUT OF HERE. Do all of this, and maybe next year at this time, we Mets fans will be chuckling over PhillyFan returning to its natural, miserable state.