I Don't Like American Music... Baby...

A little nod to the Violent Femmes there...

The American Music Awards was on the other night, so I decided to watch in my continuing efforts to critique pop culture. I have to tell ya, what I saw was enough to make me want to stop writing this blog/column again. I mean I can't make fun of this stuff... because I FEEL SORRY for these people. I mean, do they realize how much they suck? Do they really think they're making good music? News flash: you're not. Not even close.

First of all, you know the night's not getting off to a good start when what was perhaps the night's biggest ovation went to Britney Spears for dumping K-Fed. Sorry I never had a chance to weigh in on this when it first happened; I was too busy chronicling a peaceful transition of power in Washington. Also what's more, I didn't care. So Britney can now attempt to sell copies of her next album by portraying herself as newly single and wanting it bad, and K-Fed can go back to what he was doing before he got with Britney... nothing. Oh wait, that's also what he was doing when he was with Britney...

Let's face it, there's not much room for real rock on these awards shows, like the AMAs or the Billboard Music Awards... this is where you go for the music picked by the people who determine the pop culture of this country: teenage girls. As a result, the rock nominees get smashed together with the pop nominees, and the result is a list of nominees for best pop/rock album of the year that reads as follows: Nickelback, the Red Hot Chili Peppers... and "High School Musical"? I'm sorry, was the soundtrack to "Hannah Montana" not eligible this year? Turns out, actually, that the soundtrack to this Disney production was the TOP-SELLING ALBUM of 2006. And what better place to spotlight this then Disney's TV network, ABC? I thought when Eisner was kicked out, that would stop Disney's plans for world domination; apparently I was wrong.

Meanwhile, we also get treated to things like the Pussycat Dolls, a Los Angeles burlesque act that some record exec decided to take out of the gentleman's clubs and drop on Main Street USA. Congratulations, America... it only took you 10 years, but you've finally come up with an answer to the Spice Girls. Not that we WANTED one.

If you care, the Chili Peppers were the top winners for awards, taking home three, which I guess gave the evening some measure of justice, since their new stuff is quite good. However, it's not about who wins awards on this show... no, apparently this year it was a race to see who can divebomb their career faster. Hence, we got to see the spectacle of Gwen Stefani channeling JULIE FREAKIN' ANDREWS. The result was a combination of a bad copy of "Hey Baby" and a song from "The Sound of Music". It wasn't pretty. Who is Gwen taking career advice from? Her husband? Quite possible, considering nobody's bought an album any of his various projects have released in years.

See folks, Jay-Z had to come back, because he's the only non-rock artist who is seemingly capable of making good music. It will be EASY for Hova to dominate this current pop landscape, and why come back unless you know you're going straight to #1? I do like his music, especially the mash-up he did with Linkin Park; the live version of that at Live 8 last year was arguable the top moment of the show. Only downside to all this: I never thought we'd have to lump Jay-Z in with Garth Brooks and Celine Dion, but now that he's done the "I'm retiring... oh wait, I'm back" thing, I guess we have to.

So as the night went on, it got worse and worse, and when I heard the words, "Coming up next: the return of Lionel Richie", I was done. The most amusing part of it may have come the next day when I got to read an AP reporter's recap of the show. The things she said could only have been written because you HAVE to be objective if you're writing a news story. Among the things she reported were that Britney Spears "looked sleek", Gwen Stefani "yodeled and rapped convincingly", and Nicole Richie is apparently just "dimunitive". Okay... here's the review of both me and my friend Nikki who also saw the show... Britney looked like CRAP, Gwen SUCKED, and Nicole is ANOREXIC, not "diminutive."

Well, I guess we really do need me to continue writing this blog, because I need to tell you how it really is. Okay, I feel better now... not about pop culture, just about the need for me to continue making fun of it...

PS3? Psh...

We have reached the eve of Black Friday, the kickoff to the holiday shopping season, which is a sure sign... that the holiday shopping season actually started a month ago.

Don't get me started again on how ridiculously early we get bombarded with Christmas. I said all I needed to on that in a column about 5-6 years ago. So what's the big news this year for Christmas? Well, it's new video game consoles. Sony started the madness last weekend by releasing its PlayStation 3. Due to the enormous demand for such a system, Sony shipped out its initial rollout of the PS3 to stores in a large quantity... of about 2 per store. And thus, the good people at Sony decided to create a little sociological experiment, the same one we've seen in the past when a hot new item like the Cabbage Patch Kids or Tickle Me Elmo comes out. It goes like this:

1) Whip up a huge frenzy for the new item comes out by telling you all the great things it does and how your life will be made so much better by owning one.

2) Announce the release date for your item so you get people camping outside the stores waiting for them to open on release day.

3) Ship enough units to cover only about 10 percent of the demand for this item.

4) Sit back and watch mass chaos.

Well brother, we had all of that and more with the PS3. The day before its release, we were treated to tons of news stories of no-lifers camped outside their local Best Buy or Wal-Mart so they could have a place in line when the store opened last Friday. I'm sorry, I have never camped out in line for ANYTHING. Not even concert tickets. Certainly not for a video game system. I used to play video games when I was younger, but now I simply have no time for such things, so spending $600 for one of these things (you heard me right, it costs $600) is just not an option.

So the stores opened on Friday, and the mayhem began. A teenager in Allentown was robbed of his PS3 at gunpoint. There's a report from Connecticut of someone waiting in line for a PS3 being shot by armed robbers who wanted his spot in line. And what did most of these lucky people do when they actually got their PS3 and managed to get home in one piece?

They put them up for sale on eBay.

Welcome to the new form of scalping... but now instead of tickets for sporting events or concerts, it's hot Christmas toys. One person reportedly paid $15,000 for a PS3 on eBay and he was willing to bid $25,000. Well when there's that kind of money to be made off of losers like that, go nuts! All I can say is thank goodness Sony actually had the good sense not to roll these out on Black Friday, because the no-lifers would have been stampeded at 5am by all the white trash moms trying to get to all the other big ticket items.

Meanwhile, Nintendo has released its new system called the Wii (pronounced WEE), and they actually had the sense to ship MANY MORE UNITS! So people can plop their hundreds of dollars for their hot new video game consoles, maybe actually play them instead of selling them for thousands, and have a merry Christmas. I guess anything that keeps the economy going is a good thing. As for me, I will continue to be happy in my PS3 or Wii-free existence and continue to finish up my Christmas shopping in a nonviolent manner.

Only 34 shopping (or bidding) days left...

Oh Canada

Last night, we had the exciting Ohio State-Michigan game, which I was able to watch most of. It's not often that we get #1 vs. #2 playing each other in a regular season college football game, and with the passing of Bo Schembechler the day before, it was an unbelievable atmosphere. ABC carried the Ohio State marching band spelling out the script "Ohio" live.

And yet... not the most important football game of the weekend. No, it's not a big NFL tilt like Colts-Cowboys or Jets-Bears (which I am currently listening to). It's the Grey Cup.

Yes, the Grey Cup.

If you're not familiar with that particular game, it's the championship of the Canadian Football League. This is an EVENT in Canada, much like the Super Bowl here. Diehard NFL fans may know of the CFL but probably haven't seen much more than the occasional obscure highlight on SportsCenter. However, if not for the CFL, you never would have seen the likes of Warren Moon, Marv Levy, or Doug Flutie having the success they had in the NFL. All won a couple of Grey Cups in their time north of the border.

The CFL is just a little bit different from the NFL. I mean it's the same running, passing, blocking, and tackling, but they apparently felt the need to tweak everything else when the Canadians developed their version of the game. The field is 110 yards long instead of 100, 65 yards wide instead of 55, and the end zones 20 yards deep instead of 10. With the bigger field, you can have more players, so they have 12 on each side. The wide receivers are allowed to get a running start up to the line like in Arena Football. This modification is probably due to the fact that you have more passing in the CFL than in American football... because you only have 3 downs to get 10 yards instead of 4. They even call the penalties by different names; for example, it's not "unsportsmanlike conduct", it's "objectionable conduct".

Scoring is also different. You can get a point for kicking the ball into the end zone if it's not returned. In other words, if a punt goes into the end zone in the US, it's a touchback and the receiving team gets it at the 20. In Canada, the same is true but you get a point for it; it's called a "single". The goal posts are on the goal line, like they were in the NFL until the mid-70s. Because of this, all missed field goals are returned like punts; to not do this would give the kicking team a point.

So it's a little bit different, like a lot of things in Canada such as bilingual signs, the metric system, and universal health care. Canadian fans are just as rabid for their teams as NFL fans are, though. However, it doesn't get much notice here in the States. There was a brief attempt to bring the CFL to America in the mid-90s, with teams in football-starved cities like Baltimore and Las Vegas, but it didn't really work. Until a couple years ago, CFL games weren't even televised here. However, some local cable sports networks here in the Northeast decided it would be a good way to hold football fans interest during the summer until the NFL regular season started. The CFL starts in mid-June, so you get half the season before the NFL starts, enough time to develop attachments to players and teams. Ricky Williams came north of the border this year after the NFL banned him for substance abuse, both so he could play and probably due to the fact that marijuana is legal in Canada. However, the CFL just changed its policy so no banned NFL players are allowed anymore. Still, that got the league some attention down here.

So all in all, I've become quite the CFL fan. However, that has a lot to do with the fact that I'm fascinated by all things Canadian in general. I love the fact that there is a whole different nation just 90 minutes to the north of me, with a different history, a different culture, and even different football. So I have a Canadian flag in my room, I enjoy the CFL, I watch "Degrassi" on Friday nights. I visit whenever I can, and I'm quite peeved at the effort to require buying a special ID card to cross the border. I even considered (for about a half-second) going to grad school in Canada. We've all gotta have our quirks, and that's just one of... well... many I have.

So at 6:00 tonight, I'll be in front of the TV watching the British Columbia Lions and Montreal Alouettes tangle for the Grey Cup. It helps that I now know what an Alouette is (it's an owl). As most of you will no doubt read this after the game is over, you've only got until next June to get psyched up for next season...

True Colors Come Out After the Election

You'll have to pardon me for not having written in a while. It's been a very busy week-plus, and besides, the election just ended yesterday.

What's that? I can hear you saying, "Dave, the election was back on the 7th." Well, the election finally ended here yesterday, when Dan Maffei FINALLY got a shot of reality, realized he wasn't going to defeat Jim Walsh for Congress, and finally conceded. I'm not sure this was the last race to be decided, but it's gotta be one of them.

I really didn't want to have to write another political column. I have had non-political column ideas piling up these last few weeks, so they will probably all come out in the next week or so in a mass display of prolific writing. However, I keep getting fed these obvious opportunities to let the lunatic fringes have it, so here we go again.

See, it's so much fun to watch the hyper-partisans respond to an election; this is a prime exercise in people-watching. Once again, it was proven that when Democrats lose an election, they immediately cry foul. Yes I know, the Dems won the Congress, both the House and the Senate, and therefore you would think they would be elated, especially Maffei. After all, his campaign was only about the Democrats winning the Congress, it wasn't about him or what he would do for the people of Central New York. So, mission accomplished, right? Well, no. See, when the votes were tallied on the night on November 7, Walsh led Maffei by about 4000 votes, or 1 percent. All that was left was to count the absentee ballots, which usually fall to the Republican. CNN and the AP called the race for Walsh by Wednesday afternoon.

However, neither Maffei, his campaign manager, nor his supporters could accept this. Maffei refused to concede, this despite the local county Democratic chairman saying it was impossible for Maffei to win. Maffei's campaign manager, Mike Whyland, said there would be a recount, and he then stuck his foot in his mouth by proclaiming, "All it takes is one little old lady to transpose one set of numbers." Typical of the liberal playbook; when you lose, it's because people are stupid, or in this case old. As for the people who had done nothing but parrot Maffei's talking points in the letters page for months? Well, now that they actually had to think of something to say, their true colors came out...

One blamed the Post-Standard for endorsing Walsh and called them "a bunch of Republican lackeys." This despite the fact that the P-S endorsed MANY more Democrats. Another writer said that the P-S withheld printing the results of the flawed Zogby poll because they wanted Walsh to win. Still another said Walsh won because of gerrymandering and if you can't win your hometown then you shouldn't win the election. Well by that measure there shouldn't have been such an uproar over Gore in 2000, considering he lost his "home state" of Tennessee. As for drawing districts to win you elections, ask all those Republicans who lost supposed "safe seats" how well that practice works. If the Dems have control of the Congress in 2010, I'm sure they'll gerrymander the districts into something more to your liking. Another letter writer went so far as to proclaim conspiracy theory by saying Walsh won because the Republican line was first on the ballot. Because apparently, undecided voters have such short attention spans (and low IQs) that they won't go past the first line when they read who the candidates are. And as the days went on, we were treated to more of the obligatory "how stupid are you people" letters from upset liberals.

Funny thing is when control of the Senate was on the line and Conrad Burns and George Allen, both Republicans, were within one percent of their competitors, they both did the honorable thing and conceded. They didn't scream for a recount, they didn't blame "little old ladies", they didn't blame a newspaper endorsement or where they were on the ballot, and most importantly, they DIDN'T BLAME THE VOTERS. They realized they weren't going to win and they congratulated their Democratic opponents on defeating them. That is why I am still proud to be a Republican; when we lose, we are gracious and we hunker down to figure out why we lost (and John McCain is leading the charge on that). When Democrats lose, they criticize everyone else but themselves and spout conspiracy theories.

That much is funny; what isn't is what the national liberal Democrats have said since they won. Liberal columists are giddy, refusing to believe their centrist colleagues who say it wasn't so much that the Dems won but rather the Republicans lost. Some no doubt view this as a mandate for impeachment. Molly Ivins is pleading with the Dems to NOT be bipartisan. Paul Krugman of the New York Times, perhaps the most liberal columnist out there, proclaimed that Reaganite conservatism was dead, "because the movement is fundamentally undemocratic; its leaders don't accept the legitimacy of opposition." Funny thing... aren't you guys on the same side of the ideological fence as the old Soviet Union? Yeah, there was a nation that accepted opposition... And then in the next paragraph, he threw out the obligatory racism charges against Republicans... and may I say that I guess that shows how accepting you are of YOUR opposition. On the other hand, we have good ol' Cal Thomas on the right wing side, proclaiming that the terrorists were the big winners of the election and that conservatives need to re-embrace the religious right in order to get the majority back. Uh, Cal? Nobody apparently bought that on Election Day, they're not going to buy it now. Let those of us who actually know what America wants (like McCain) fix our party's problems.

I know a lot of people are saying that we in the middle were the big winners in this election, because a lot of centrist Democrats won seats. That may be true but the leaders (Pelosi, Steny Hoyer, Dean at the DNC) are still liberals. What happens the first time the liberals want to push through a typical liberal measure, destined to be vetoed by Bush? Will the centrists put partisan loyalty above their core beliefs? Only time will tell.

THIS JUST IN!!! Election Guide 2006

The midterm elections are upon us. Two days from now, we will cast our votes. Two days from now, we will choose the direction our state and country will be heading in. Most importantly, two days from now, all these negative attack ads will be OVER.

This has been, without question, one of the harshest election seasons ever. Candidates for office and trying to paint a happy face on their advertisements, but the national parties play the role of "attack dogs", savaging the opponents in all races. Due to an unforeseen side effect of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance bill, the national parties can pretty much do what they want; the candidates can't even stop their own parties, as that now violates the law somehow. It is obvious this needs to be stopped, but will it? We heard a lot of bellyaching this time 2 years ago about the so-called "527" groups, but once the election was over, it was quickly forgotten about.

Democrats everywhere have been trying to make this an election about President Bush, and the lengths to which some Democrats are going in order to help themselves cause me to just scratch my head. For instance, New York's comptroller, Alan "Baby You Can Drive My Car" Hevesi was running ads talking about how he stood up to Bush's Social Security privatization plan. Assemblywoman Joan Christensen is similarly running an ad pointing out her opposition to the president. I thought these two knew this but I guess I'll have to point it out to them... you are in the STATE government. You have NO bearing on ANYTHING that happens at the federal level. That's wonderful that you two oppose the president but it means absolutely ZERO to your jobs.

As for the people who actually DO matter in that regard, namely Congress, we have the Jim Walsh-Dan Maffei battle. Zogby International made two attempts to conduct a poll on this race, and both times they came up with egg on their faces after doing it incorrectly. As you might expect, the representatives for the campaign of Maffei (the Democrat) blamed not Zogby, but THE WALSH CAMPAIGN, saying it was an attempt to suppress the fact that Maffei is winning. As a result, we will go into this election having no idea who is winning... which to some is actually a refreshing change.

I wrote an entire blog entry about this campaign some weeks ago and I stand by everything I wrote. Maffei moved here just to run for Congress, he doesn't know what we need here, and he has made NO effort to tell us what he'll do for us, apart from advocating a federally funded bailout for the area, paid for by higher taxes. This election is NOT about Iraq, because no matter what we do about the war, those decisions will not create a single job here nor will they keep a young professional from moving away in search of a better life. I think Jim Walsh is the clear choice in this race; that is why I will be voting for him.

As for the Senate campaign, when I see a Hillary Clinton ad, I just ask myself one question: Why does she even NEED to run ads? She has re-election sewn up, mostly due to the lack of an effective Republican candidate. Save the money for '08 and start now on plotting how you're going to beat Barack Obama if he runs against you for president.

The New York gubernatorial campaign is a similar story. Democrat Eliot Spitzer has been the Presumed Governor-Elect since he announced his candidacy. The Republicans did not help themselves in either this race or the U.S. Senate race by running two bland candidates with THE SAME FIRST NAME. As a result, I can't tell them apart. Seriously, I forget whether it's John Faso or John Spencer who is running against Spitzer, and the same with who is running against Hillary.

The real trouble in the state races lies in the state senate races. The Democrats have the Assembly, they will win Governor by a landslide, but the Republicans still control the Senate going into Tuesday. Democrats are pushing hard to win the Senate under the guise of "reform", making people believe that if Joe Bruno gets flushed out of his seat of power, things will get better in Albany. Not true. If this happens, what you will have is one-party rule, led by Democrat leaders who all hail from the New York City area. Upstate New York already feels left out in the governing process; this will make it even worse. What you will wind up with is a governor with almost emperor-like power, backed by a "rubber-stamp" legislature. The most likely result is taxes will go up and more businesses will flee Upstate. The truth is our Democratic state senator (Dave Valesky) voted for tax increases and for sending our tax dollars to NYC. When his opponent, Jeff Brown, pointed out his votes in commercials, Valesky called it mudslinging and negative campaigning, and then called Brown a tool of the GOP bosses (that's NOT mudslinging?) I can't vote in this race, as I am in the 50th District, where John DeFrancisco will easily win 2 more years of getting to oppose Destiny USA. But if you're in the 49th District, vote for Jeff Brown so we can avoid one-party rule in Albany.

Now I know one-party rule is what we have in Washington, and it hasn't exactly worked ideally for all of us, but it's better than the alternative. If Democrats do win the House, you can expect the impeachment hearings to begin as soon as they get back in session. That will be their aim for the next two years, not passing any beneficial legislation for anyone. Why would they do this? Simple. Because the Republicans did it to Clinton. That's the reason. If they don't start immediately, it will be because they'll actually make a half-hearted attempt to implement some sort of agenda. When Bush stonewalls or vetoes it, THEN they'll try impeachment. We still have a chance to enact some positive change in this country, but replacing partisanship with partisanship isn't the way to go.

So when you go to vote on Tuesday, remember that we elect our officials to represent us in government and provide important services to our communities; that is the TRUE function of government, not stupid political gamesmanship. Vote for the person who you think will do the best job for you, the person who is voting for him or her. Everyone has their political bent, everyone has things they are for and against, but it all comes back to what your representatives will do for your community. That being said, do go out and vote. I know this is a midterm election and you may be sick and tired of the negative ads but this is your chance to have a true say in things and I've never heard of anyone who voted and then felt bad that they did.

Chewing the Trans-Fat

I wouldn't exactly consider myself to be a health nut. I work out 3 times a week when I give myself the time to, I'm better now at eating balanced meals than I used to be when I was younger. That's mostly because I can afford more than Ramen noodles these days. My other issue is that unlike most Americans, I'm trying to PUT ON weight, not lose it. I'm blessed/cursed with a hummingbird-like metabolism. I know most other people are not, so what I have to say here may ring hollow but I'll give it a shot anyway.

You may have recently heard of New York City's attempt to ban so-called "trans-fats". I'm not quite sure what makes them "trans-fats"; maybe they are she-fats that used to be he-fats, I dunno. They are what are called "partially hydrogenated oils." Like I said, I'm no health nut and I'm certainly not a nutritionist, but I know enough to know that trans-fats are bad. Like "consume a lot of them and you'll be looking at future heart problems" bad. And this stuff is apparently in a lot of food that a lot of Americans consume, thus contributing to America's obesity problem.

Well, when there is a problem in this country that leads to harm for its people, we pretty much know what comes next: the lawyers. I'm not even going to get into the lawsuits against places like McDonald's where fat people have sued the chains for making them that way; those suits are just foolish. These were actually sensible... which are rare among lawsuits of this type. First Kraft was sued for having trans-fats in Oreos and other junk food products, and more recently KFC (which already has PETA after them) was sued to get the trans-fats out of their chicken. Both companies relented because it does make sense to not make a product that will eventually kill you.

However for some, this isn't good enough... hence the need to now pass laws banning trans-fats. A group called "Ban Trans Fats" is leading the way to getting these passed. So all restaurants in New York City must remove trans-fats from everything they make. The group's rationale, as described on their website, says, "The government is already in restaurant kitchens, ensuring that our food is safe. We would be in big trouble if the government stayed out of restaurant kitchens." Hey, nobody's challenging the fact that restaurants have to serve food that isn't poisonous or anything like that. Fact is, when I go to a restaurant, I'm pretty sure that what I order is gonna be not 100% healthy on some level, unless I intentionally order something 100% healthy. The group goes on to cite that New York City tried educating people about trans-fats but the message didn't take, so apparently they now have to act in our best interest.

You may say that this is an isolated case and it makes sense to ban trans-fats and we don't really need to go farther. Wrong. This is not about the substance being banned; it's about principle. This is a bad precedent being set. After all, if we can ban trans-fats, we can ban other things... and this is where the group known as Center for Science in the Public Interest comes in. You may have heard of these guys in the past; they're the group who at one point or another has said that pretty much EVERYTHING you eat is bad for you. They were also a party to the KFC lawsuit, and aside from KFC chicken, they also think you shouldn't be eating the following... (deep breath)... ice cream, chicken pot pies, cookies, cheesecakes, Frappachinos, Campbell's soup, and popcorn.

See, trans-fats are not the only things that can lead to heart disease. Ban Trans Fats states on its website, "The huge levels of saturated fat, salt and calories in KFC's products are very bad for heart health and weight and definitely not recommended." So I guess once we've banned trans-fats, we should go after high calorie foods and high sodium foods next, right? And if we can ban these things from restaurants, well, we can certainly ban them from the store shelves. What's next? Having the Food Police raiding people's homes? Getting tossed in the slammer because I've got an opened bag of potato chips in my car?

We KNOW this food is bad for us, but there is a significant number of people among us who DON'T CARE, apparently enough in number to keep Caroline Rhea working as host of "The Biggest Loser" for decades to come. Funny I should bring that show up, though, for as much as I don't like reality shows, you have to hand it to the people who appear on those programs. They actually are willing to do what it takes to lose weight and become healthy... WITHOUT suing anyone or trying to get unnecessary laws passed. They are willing to try self-discipline, and that's really what is missing in this country. People don't become obese overnight. They won't stop being obese overnight but it doesn't mean they can't try... without the government trying to fix the problem for them.