Everybody Loves a Good (2008) List

Ah, 2008... what a crazy year. The economy went in the crapper. Gas prices hit all- time highs of $4-$5 a gallon, then plunged to $1.50 or less in some places. We elected an African-American president, and watched the media destroy a female presidential candidate and a female vice-presidential candidate in quick succession. We may be a less racist nation, but I guess we still have a long way to go on the whole sexism thing, huh? As a grad student in Media Studies, I find the media coverage of the election and aftermath pretty fascinating, but I think what’s even more fascinating is how Beck suddenly and disturbingly looks like Buster Brown...




Construction slowed at Carousel, but they’ll be done with Phase One in March. Phase Two got caught up in the credit crunch and now one wonders if Congel will make the deadline to get that started next summer, and what he will do if he doesn’t make it. Meanwhile, nothing was built at the Convention Center... again. Dan Maffei finally got the seat in Congress that he campaigned for non-stop for over three years. Of course, given the current state of politics in this country, now that he has the seat, he will immediately start campaigning for 2010. K-Rock FINALLY discovered Paramore in December; maybe there’s hope for them after all. And the most important development in Syracuse this year... we finally got Tim Horton’s.

It was the year of the Beijing Olympics (known over there as the two weeks when it WASN’T smoggy), the year Cloris Leachman became known for more than playing Phyllis on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”, and of course, the Year of Miley. I truly wonder if the non-stop pop culture machine that is Miley Cyrus (and her brother’s band, Metro Station) is actually Billy Ray’s revenge on America for all the ways we laughed at him after “Achy Breaky Heart”. It was the year the music video officially died... at least that’s what I believe now that “TRL” is off the air and “FNMTV” turned out to be nothing more than a 3-hour long block of ads telling you to go to MTV.com to watch videos cuz they’re not gonna play them in their entirety on TV anymore. Plus I have a whole Masters thesis riding on this “music videos are dead” thing...

So now let’s dispense with the sublime and ridiculous that make up the 2008 List, shall we?

Dumb Lawsuit of the Year: A kid in Danbury, CT sued his teacher after she banged on his desk to wake him up. I mean, how dare she, interrupting his sleep like that!

SMART Lawsuit of the Year: Tanya Andersen was sued by the RIAA for downloading music illegally. Unlike so many others who were intimidated into settlements, she actually fought back, got the case dismissed, then countersued the RIAA for conspiracy and malicious prosecution. The RIAA has now dumped its policy of suing downloaders, but only after ruining 35,000 innocent lives. On the upside, I now feel safe to go find that obscure Loudmouth song that isn’t available on iTunes...

Dumb PETA Protest of the Year: PETA tried to run an ad comparing the sicko who beheaded someone on a Canadian Greyhound bus to how we treat animals.
(Honorable Mention: PETA attacked Shane Victorino for liking Spam. He's Hawaiian, they LOVE the stuff! Also, I wonder if that means PETA will go after fellow native Hawaiian Barack Obama for enjoying a Spam dish during his recent holiday vacation. Side note: at least PETA is admitting there is actual meat in Spam...)

Most Overplayed Song: Katy Perry “I Kissed a Girl”, even though I do enjoy it when right-wingers like Sean Hannity have a shit-fit over something like this…
(Honorable Mention: that damn “Saved By Zero” Toyota jingle)

Most Embarrassing Syracuse Moment of the Year: No, not the 55-13 ass-whupping the SU football team took from Penn State in front of Hollywood stars and ABC cameras... it was the day before, the day of the gala world premiere of “The Express”, when the Post-Standard screwed up TWO front page headlines about the movie, referring to the musical/movie “The Boys From Syracuse” as “The Boys OF Syracuse” and spelling excel “exel”... and you wonder why I call it the Sub-Standard...

From Obscurity to Political Rock Star and Back to Obscurity in 4.3 Seconds: Mike Huckabee.

Who We Will Talk About in Music in 2009: Green Day, U2, Eminem, Beyonce, Fall Out Boy, Miley (like she's gonna go away any time soon)

Who Should Just Go Away in 2009: Two words-- Axl Rose. Thanks for the free Dr. Pepper, now get the hell out of here.

Predictions I Was Right On This Year: Well, actually I predicted this in 2006, but that’s how long it took Axl to finally finish “Chinese Democracy”, and it looks like I’ll be right on with it not even going gold. I picked the Giants to stun the Patriots and win the Super Bowl. I got a good number of Grammy picks right, especially the ones concerning Amy Winehouse. And it looks like Hugo Chavez is going to subvert the will of the Venezuelan people who denied him president-for-life status by trying to ram the constitutional changes through again... although I don’t find that nearly as scary as the Russian warships that took up residence in Venezuela and Cuba recently.

Predictions I Totally Blew: Apparently, the 15 minutes of fame are over for Simple Plan and nobody copied me on that memo. Also, nobody figured Herbie Hancock would win the Album of the Year Grammy, but maybe we should have; ridiculous moments like these have become commonplace with the Grammys.

The Viewing Public Wouldn’t Know a Good TV Show If It Zapped Them Back From the Dead: “Pushing Daisies” got cancelled. Not only that, but two weeks ago it got beaten in the ratings by UNIVISION. Seriously, people, there are better things on TV than “I Love Money”, please start watching them. And if I hear one more TV critic bitch and moan that “Heroes” sucks now, I will completely go Sylar on their asses...

The Rubinoos v. Avril Lavigne Moment: Joe Satriani sues Coldplay for copying him on “Viva La Vida” (and I’ve heard it, it’s spot-on). My only comment: it took him 6 months to realize he’d been copied? The damn song was only on every 5 minutes!

Best New Album I Got This Year: Weezer's "Red Album". Not only did they come back strong after all the breakup rumors that followed "Make Believe", but we found that the band is much more than Rivers Cuomo.
(Honorable Mention: Coldplay, "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends". Even with the Satriani plagiarism, this band has grown since the first couple albums where they had a maudlin piano-based sound. Now there's a variety of textures to them, and I approve.)

And finally... Why We Can All Be Optimistic About 2009: No, not the economy turning around, not even the start of the Obama presidency... the Mets got rid of Heilman and Schoeneweis. Doesn’t get better than that...

You're Never Too Old to Be a Kid

So Christmas has come and gone for us all, and mine went really well. We had a larger-than-normal number of people there this year, as my sister, brother-in-law, and nephews made the trip from the DC area to join us. With the ever-expanding number of children in my extended family, we've had some rather chaotic holidays in recent years, but that's just because I'm seeing the other side of it now. When I was a kid, we always went to my great-aunt and uncle's farm after breakfast and presents at the grandparents'. It was the only time all year I got to see my cousins (incidentally, I haven't seen all of them in years) and we spent the better part of the evening running through the old farmhouse and causing general chaos and mayhem.

The best part of having so many kids around this year is that we got to finally pass on an important Christmas duty to the next generation. The tradition in my family is that the youngest person always hands out the presents. I did it for years, then my cousin did it... then she got stuck with the job until she was into her 20s. This year, my two oldest nephews and another child relative were given tandem duty to hand out the presents. Despite the fact that the two nephews have been brought up in a military family, the maneuver did not quite go off with military precision; the one who was charged with bag duty (taking care of all the bags the presents came in) got bored with his job and was soon laying on the floor just killing time the way 6-year olds do. Also it was a challenge having to differentiate amongst all the "Moms" and "Grandmas" in the room.

Meanwhile, the two youngest members of the contingent (2 and 1, respectively) were learning how to play well with others, namely each other. They learned that this does not include punching each other.

However, the important thing to remember at Christmas time is that even if you're an adult, that does not mean you are relegated to just sitting around remembering what it was like to be a kid. You still get to be a kid, no matter your age, and when Nat King Cole sang of "kids from 1 to 92," he just about covers my whole family these days. My aunt, who no longer has kids at home (she might disagree and say she still has her husband) got a Nintendo Wii, with Wii Sports. I've heard a lot about the Wii, written about it, but never actually played it myself, so this was a lot of fun. Luckily, everyone (kids included) remembered to wear the strap for the Wii remote so they did not join these unfortunate souls. My brother-in-law tried the Wii Boxing and found out how much of a real workout these things give you. I tried my hand at baseball and bowling, with mixed results. I figured out how to throw all the different pitches, but I hit the ball about as well as I did in real life back in my Little League days. I figured out how to make the bowling ball curve in Wii Bowling, which I've never been good at in real life. However, unlike with real bowling, my Wii Bowling skills did not improve after a couple of beers.

And just to prove that the toys given out this Christmas were not just for the little ones, my aunt got a "community" present of sorts for all of us: "Rock Band 2". Obviously, this was a present for the adults in the family. I can see why that game is so addictive. I think I was a pretty quick study on the guitar, considering I have very little experience with a real guitar (plus it was only Warmup Mode). I can also tell you that I never want to hear "Eye of the Tiger" or "Hungry Like the Wolf" again. Those are the only two songs the 6-year old nephew wanted to play when he took his turn on the drum kit. As for my aunt, when she was offered the chance to jump in, she said that was something she would reserve for a time when nobody else was around.

Perhaps this spirit is best embodied by my great-aunt (the same one who still lives on that farm we used to visit every year). She got everyone the same gifts: a 2009 appointment calendar... and a wind-up Santa. Yeah, I'm 30 years old, and I still immediately took that wind up Santa and cranked him up a couple of times. It's automatic: get wind-up toy, wind it up and let him go. Perhaps it's that innate response to those things that shows better than anything that we still want to act like kids at Christmas time. And it's perfectly acceptable.

The Obligatory Christmas Rant

Anybody out there hit the "oh, shit" point yet?

Sorry to be so blunt, but I think you know what I'm talking about. You're busy with things and all of a sudden, it hits you that we're 2 weeks away from Christmas and you're saying, "Oh, shit! I've done NOTHING!" Luckily, I'm not in that spot quite yet, although my family probably would have appreciated me sending them my wish list a little sooner.

That's how it works in my family... I don't think I'm going too far when I say we're not normal. Where other families or friends get each other something they think they'd like to receive, we outright ask each other what we want. Less chance of grand disappointment that way. Although I will say that my grandmother still raves about the fact that I gave her wind chimes one year when I didn't know what to get her. Another thing we do that is a little atypical is we don't mind getting gift cards. I know that for some people, getting a gift card is the ultimate "you don't know me, you don't understand me" moment, but let's face it, a gift card makes it pretty easy to get what you really want for Christmas. Maybe it's because we're all Republicans, but we like the personal freedom that comes with someone giving us a gift card and saying, "Do whatever you want with it." And these things last a while, too... I just finished off my last card from last Christmas.

Anyway, we are well into another Christmas season and my complaints are the same... primarily this year it has to do with Christmas music. I want new Christmas classics! It's not that top artists of today aren't trying: a look at the "hot new music" list I get each week (cuz I used to be a Program Director, don't ya know?) shows the likes of Jack Johnson, Sara Bareilles, and Plain White T's who have new original Christmas songs out this year. The sad thing is that I can already tell what will be played instead: the likes of Miley Cyrus, KT Tunstall, etc. singing the 88th different version of "Sleigh Ride" or some other Christmas song that was written in the 1950s or earlier and people still think is relevant today. Hell, even the Pretenders (who came up with one of the great modern Christmas classics, "2000 Miles", 20 years ago) have given up and are doing a cover.

I guess it's one of the few popular music traditions we still have, that the youth of America can't stand the oldies that Mom and Dad listen to, but they'll gladly listen to Brenda Lee and Bing Crosby at Christmas time. Still, I've never understood why nobody gives new Christmas songs a chance. Here's the top 5 Christmas songs since 1970: 1) the aforementioned "2000 Miles", 2) "Father Christmas" by The Kinks, 3) "Last Christmas" by Wham, 4) "Christmas All Over Again" by Tom Petty, and 5) "I Want an Alien for Christmas" by Fountains of Wayne. I could maybe expand it to a top 10 and include things like "Green Christmas" by Barenaked Ladies and "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses, but once you get past that, it's slim pickings. The last reputable rock act to try an original Christmas song was Linkin Park a few years back, and "My December" isn't exactly a happy, uplifting song.

It may be a chicken-and-egg situation where it's not worth doing a song if nobody will play it, but the stations won't bother playing new original Christmas songs if nobody reputable records them. All I'm saying is let's work on it, folks.

The other thing I could never figure out about "Christmas songs" is that half of them don't even MENTION Christmas! "Sleigh Ride"? "Winter Wonderland"? "Let It Snow"? NOT ABOUT CHRISTMAS. But play or sing that song after December and people will think you're about a burger shy of a Happy Meal. I'm just speaking for myself here, but is it possibly because Christmas time is the only time of year that we like or for some, even tolerate snow? Because snow is lovely at Christmas time, but by January, you're sick of it unless you like skiing or snowboarding or any of that stuff. So I guess I answered my own question there... we're not just celebrating Christmas, we're celebrating snow. Oh well, guess when you're living in a place that gets more snow than anywhere else in the country, you should try to be positive about it.

All that being said, I am very much in a festive spirit these days, although that may have more to do with the fact that I am almost through another semester of grad school and soon to be on break for a month. Whatever the case, happy holidays to all, and may all of you happily get shnookered on egg nog while listening to Nat King Cole sing about roasting chestnuts.

Black Friday Has Gone Too Far

I have made it clear in the past that I always make it a point to get my shopping done before Black Friday, because I want no part of Psycho Shopper after that date. I have only once in my lifetime dared to venture out to go shopping on a Black Friday and it wasn't at 5am but it was still enough to keep me from ever doing it again. This day brings out the worst of humanity, but never was this more apparent than this year. This year, Black Friday went from something we could laugh at to something we may need to start putting better control on.

You know the scenes, they get shown on TV every year on Black Friday. I like to think of it as the Running of the White Trash. The doors to (enter big box or toy store here) open at 5am, and you see the pushing and shoving begin... and then the mob reaches the Hot Item of the Year and all hell breaks loose. Piranhas are more well-behaved. But generally nobody ever gets hurt. Certainly nobody ever gets KILLED.

Until this year. When a Wal-Mart on Long Island opened (and I have since been educated about the Long Island Attitude that causes these things), the mob was so vicious that they broke the doors down and trampled a Wal-Mart employee to death. When the police showed up to try to save the guy, the mob wouldn't let them through; getting the big-ticket item that was on sale was too important to let the police save someone's life. When they announced they were closing the store (ya know, the proper and respectful thing to do when someone in your store GETS KILLED), the shoppers were indignant and angry and tried to keep shopping. This whole story just tells you how selfish we have become as people. Nothing else matters but getting the big score for yourself (even if it's really for your kid... but spoiling your kid makes YOU feel good and that's what matters, right?) They're trying to go through the security video footage to find people to hold responsible, but management says it's going to be near impossible to hold anyone accountable.

I say BS. Hold ALL OF THEM accountable. Every single member of that mob should be charged with manslaughter and get the book thrown at them. And then Wal-Mart should make it official corporate policy that they will no longer do early-morning Black Friday opening specials.

Meanwhile on the other coast... An argument broke out in a Toys 'R Us in California in the checkout line. Other shoppers said that the two arguing should go outside, which was quite sensible; after all, there were KIDS in the store. At that point, the girlfriends got involved and next thing you know, the two guys were running down the aisles shooting each other. Both died. So at what point do you NO LONGER CARE THAT THERE ARE KIDS AROUND? Or ANYONE ELSE, for that matter? I don't care that they may have been in rival gangs. Again, SELFISH BEHAVIOR resulting in someone dying. I say throw the book at the girlfriends for their role in this, then... metal detectors? At a Toys 'R Us? Do we really need them? Apparently we do.

And speaking of stupid people with guns... that night, Plaxico Burress, star wide receiver for the New York Giants, hero of last year's Super Bowl, was out at a nightclub. With a gun. Why he felt he needed one I'll never know. I get that pro football players are concerned these days after the tragic deaths of Sean Taylor and Darrent Williams, but that's what BODYGUARDS are for. Anyway, Burress is sitting there in the club and the gun he has stuffed in his pants starts sliding down his leg, he goes to grab for it and... BANG.

He shot himself. In the leg. Luckily it didn't hit his femoral artery... luckily it didn't hit anything important for having kids... although all things considered, maybe the world would be better off if someone like him couldn't reproduce. Yeah I know this had nothing to do with shopping or Black Friday itself, but the timing couldn't have been more impeccable. This close to becoming a Super Bowl AND Darwin Award winner. Oh by the way, it took the Giants 5 days to suspend him for the rest of the season and the NFL has not yet meted out its own punishment... for someone who took an unlicensed gun to a nightclub and shot himself... but Sean Avery makes a remark about his ex-girlfriend that was deemed "improper" and gets suspended by the NHL within HOURS. Which of these is more ridiculous? Anyway, I digress...

So how was MY Black Friday? Well, it involved anger, heavy traffic, and a mall... but not because I was shopping. I was actually on my way home from seeing the relatives, about 2 miles outside of Auburn, when I hit the mother of all traffic backups. A group representing some pissed-off truckers chose last Friday for their protest in Skaneateles; they rumbled through town to protest a state law preventing them from using back roads like the ones that run through Skaneateles. I had no problem with the protest... I had a problem with the protest lining up 30 miles away and choosing to go to Skaneateles by way of a two-lane highway that goes past a mall on BLACK FRIDAY! Suffice to say, there were a lot of pissed-off people on Routes 5 & 20 that day, myself included.

However, let me bring it back to where I started with the quotes of some of the inconvenienced travelers who said that their biggest concern from the whole situation was that they were going to miss the opening specials at Bass Pro Shops. I had to go to work, I had a valid reason to be upset... but these people? Thank goodness they didn't reach for their guns...