Son of the Return of the Snowpocalypse

This is a really cruel joke, and I'm not laughing...

One of the distinct advantages of moving from Syracuse to Philadelphia to get my doctorate was the fact that I wouldn't have to deal with nearly as much snow during the winter time. The average winter snowfall in Philadelphia is about 20 inches... in Syracuse, it's about 120. It's not exactly a well-kept secret how much I hate snow and all that comes with it. Even when Philly got a 23-inch snowstorm in late December, I laughed about it, because I was back in Syracuse at the time.

Then this week happened. First we get a massive snowstorm last weekend that dumped 28.5 inches of snow on Philadelphia. Just shy of an all-time record for one storm, and have I mentioned that the average snowfall for an ENTIRE WINTER here is 20 inches? People across the mid-Atlantic (including Baltimore and Washington, who got walloped as well) started calling it "Snowpocalypse", or "Snowmageddon" if you prefer. But the one thing you can count on in Philadelphia is that attitude of making the best of a bad situation, so you had kids (of all ages) getting out their snow tubes and sledding down the steps of the Art Museum, you had neighbors helping neighbors with the shoveling, it was just one major inconvenience. Hell, CBS is probably thanking Old Man Winter for his help, because so many people were forced to stay at home for the Super Bowl (and therefore more TVs were tuned to the game) that the Saints' victory over the Colts set an all-time record for most-watched program (formerly held by the M*A*S*H finale). Meanwhile in DC, people once again held impromptu mass snowball fights, and this time there were no off-duty cops waving guns at the participants.

By Monday, things were starting to get back to normal... then came word we were getting ANOTHER MAJOR STORM. Snowpocalypse II... except I didn't count the December storm, so it's really more like Snowpocalypse III, or "Son of the Return of the Snowpocalypse." Anyway, despite everyone's best efforts, we still weren't all that dug out from the FIRST storm. But then again, it's hard to plow streets where people park on both sides and in some cases, double park. The "odd-even" parking laws they have in Syracuse would NEVER work in Philadelphia. I'm sure people probably rushed out to the grocery stores again, because you can go through a LOT of bread, milk, and eggs in three days. And on that note, let me add to a number of my friends who don't get the whole "must have bread, milk, and eggs" thing before a major storm. Does "major storm" equal "French toast" to everyone? I had already done all my grocery shopping before the first storm... and did not need bread OR milk OR eggs. Incidentally, note to the South Philly ShopRite: during the panic before a winter storm, it might not be the best idea to play "It's the End of the World" by R.E.M. over the PA system. I'm just sayin'...

So after a quasi-normal Tuesday, here we go again, heavy snowfall, blizzard conditions, local TV stations running coverage all day in place of regular programming (which would NEVER happen in Syracuse... mostly because the local stations have cut back so much that they wouldn't have the manpower). All told, another 15.8 inches of snow, smashing the all-time record for most snowfall in one winter in Philadelphia. And this time, it wasn't the fluffy, easily wind-blown, easily removable snow from the first storm... no, this stuff is icy, thick, heavy, may-require-power-tools-to-get-it-off-your-car snow. How do I know this? Cuz I just had to go drive my roommate to the subway station because the buses still aren't running. And it's pretty clear what the plows considered to be "high-priority" streets, because it goes from clear to passable to CRAP really quickly, in some cases you pretty much have to go where the plows went or you're screwed. My school has closed for the second straight day, so my "weekend" technically began Tuesday night... not that you really get a "weekend" when you're a grad student because you always have so much work to do.

So how much snow exactly have we gotten here in the New Snow Belt? Glad you asked, because it may spin your head around. I as a native Central New Yorker had only ever heard of the Golden Snowball (which by the way is the stupidest name for an award EVER), which goes to the Upstate city that gets the most snow. Apparently there is also a Golden Snow Globe (MUCH better name) that goes to the biggest snowmaker in the United States. Syracuse usually wins both awards. Well, at the moment, Syracuse has been knocked off it's lofty perch... by BALTIMORE. Yup, if you're scoring at home (or even if you're by yourself), here's the current standings:

1. Baltimore: 79.9 inches
2. Syracuse: 75.9
3. Erie, Pah: 71.7
4. PHILLY: 71.6
5. Rochester: 63.9

This is NOT an award we want to be in competition for. Syracuse can handle 75 inches of snow, people down here clearly CANNOT, especially when most of it falls IN ONE WEEK! Oh by the way, rumor has it there's ANOTHER STORM coming Monday. So that being the 4th storm of the series, would that make it "Revenge of the Son of the Return of the Snowpocalypse?" Stay tuned...

And speaking of mayhem and chaos, what the hell is going on in Albany? New York State government once again is showing us how not to do things. Senator Hiram Monserrate, one of the guys behind last summer's Senate "coup" but now a convicted felon, was expelled from the state Senate by a vote of 53-8 on Tuesday night. Extra Capitol police were called in just in case the now ex-senator had to be forcibly removed from the chamber. Monserrate's colleague, Ruben Diaz, called the Senate "racist". EXCUSE ME? It's now RACISM to toss A CONVICTED FELON out of elected office? Pedro Espada, the other kingpin of the 2009 coup, said that terrorists had more civil rights than Monserrate. Well Pedro, considering what YOU did last summer and what you got out of the deal, you really should have nothing to say about this, because at the very least YOU should be a convicted felon, and at worst, I'd almost consider YOU a TERRORIST.

And that's not even the craziest part! There must now be a special election to fill Monserrate's seat... and he could legally run in that election! He could actually win his seat back... and considering how blindly New Yorkers vote for incumbents no matter what they do, it's a real possibility! In the meantime, the Democrats hold a 31-30 majority... which means that if, say, the Republicans walk out AGAIN like they did last year, the Democrats wouldn't have quorum and the government would be shut down AGAIN. Which could well happen because they have that exercise in partisan futility called the state budget to take care of before April 1.

And I haven't even gotten to the rumor that spread around Albany like wildfire last week about Gov. Patterson. Supposedly the New York Times had a bombshell article that would catch Patterson red-handed cheating on his wife (though not with a prostitute like his predecessor, Client #9), and Patterson would have to resign in disgrace. This got everyone panicking with nightmare scenarios like... well, like Philadelphia before a Snowpocalypse. The worst-case scenario? Patterson resigns, leaving a power vacuum, because the Lt. Governor was appointed by Patterson and many think that was unconstitutional, so his legitimacy would be challenged all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States. If the appointed Lt. Gov. were to be thrown out, the next in line would be the president of the Senate, but that would make it 30-30 and REALLY shut things down. As it is, the NY Times has yet to publish anything on Patterson, so this story may just be evidence of how a rumor can cause paralyzing fear without there being anything to it. But even a non-story like this just further proves that New York really does have the most dysfunctional state government in the country.

And now that I'm done being hysterical, I think I need to go get some bread and milk...