The 200th Entry Spectacular

Since I resumed doing this blog nearly two years ago, I haven’t been numbering these entries like I did in the olden days, but I have been keeping track of how many I’ve written and with this entry, I have hit 200. I’ve found enough to say enough different ways to fill 200 editions of “This Just In!!!” And this being our nation’s birthday, I can’t think of a better occasion to hit the big two-oh-oh and do some reflection.

When I started doing this blog (before they called these things blogs, I called it an “Internet column”), I was much younger and felt I could represent the views of the disgruntled young person very well. Now, I’m pushing 30 and the things I like are increasingly out of style, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still comment, so I do. Some of the things I ranted about back in 2000 (ahem, “boy bands”, ahem) are a thing of the past, and some of them (reality shows) are still around. During the original run of this “column” (2000-2002, or “The Yahoo Years”), I used the anniversary date of the column in early August to pick out some of the more clever things I’d said during the previous year. And since I haven’t done that since I resurrected this blog, and because let’s face it, a milestone like this on television would just be an excuse to churn out a “clip show”, I’m going to treat you to some of the more witty things I’ve said in Cyberspace over the past 8 years. Self-congratulatory? You bet. This whole damn blog is self-congratulatory…

I’ve noticed there are certain themes I have in my entries; these things start to just come to you naturally when you’ve done enough academic data analysis. For one thing, I love my baseball (and thankfully I was wrong when I repeatedly predicted a sport-destroying players strike in 2002), and I love my Mets…

“I've seen Vince Coleman throw firecrackers at little kids, seen the Mets become the butt of every late night comedian's jokes, seen one strike, one lockout… and worst of all, I lived through two and a half years of Greg McMichael blowing games out of the Mets bullpen. After all that, I think I can safely say that I love my teams and will always stick by them.” (9/25/2000)

“The baseball season is finally upon us, and I once again have the unique thrill and pleasure to be able to turn on my TV, watch my beloved New York Mets, and scream, ‘WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING SWINGING AT THAT PITCH, ORDONEZ???’" (4/6/2001)

“In fact, Steve Phillips is still trying to perfect the team, making a couple of deals in the past week involving unknown relievers in an apparent effort to find the perfect 25th man. He may be the most anal-retentive GM in baseball” (4/8/2002)

“By ‘we’, I of course refer to my New York Mets, defending champions of the National League East, and almost-champions of the National League but for Yadier F*@#ing Molina and a home run ball that even Endy Chavez couldn't catch.” (3/28/2007)

“It's done. It's over. The New York media and ‘Joe from Long Island’ on the Fan got their pound of flesh. The Mets organization handled it in about the most unprofessional way imaginable, and this life-long Mets fan is just ashamed right now.” (6/17/2008)

I rant about the well-intentioned but horribly conceived “zero tolerance” policies that schools have…

“Whoever thought a kid would be suspended for pointing a chicken finger at a teacher? The most ridiculous thing of all of this is the principal's quote: ‘People saw real threats to the safety and security of their students.’ What do you mean, were you afraid the kid was going to throw the thing at the teacher and leave a stain on his/her clothing? OH THE AGONY!!!” (3/2/2001)

“Now there had been rumors of a food fight at Laramie Junior High, and the principal had warned of consequences if anyone got caught throwing food. The girls were suspended for three days. Okay, that's fine. But having the police charge them with ‘hurling missiles’?” (3/6/2008)

And I wax poetic on the way things work (or don’t work) in this world…

"I tried skiing when I was younger, and the thought of going at high speeds downhill on two rail-thin pieces of fiberglass doesn't exactly strike me as fun. You show me a happy skier, and I'll show you Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono. I'll betcha they were happy too just before they hit the tree." (10/6/2000)

"I am proud to be an American, and therefore, I am proud to buy something I know will not work 100% of the time and yet do absolutely nothing to make sure that it will work 100% of the time... However, I also have the right to bitch and moan all I want about THE FACT that it does not work 100% of the time." (10/13/2000)

"Common rational thought to the single male apartment dweller is very rare; the thing that usually takes precedence is common rational laziness." (1/5/2001)

"...the proper procedure is to just to go into your motion, roll the ball down the lane and then meditate on it some. OMMMMMMMM... unless of course, this doesn't work out so hot, and your ball winds up in the gutter, in which case it's more like OMMMMMOTHERF#$%ER!!!" (7/5/2001)

"Have any of you ever actually given or received a Chia Pet? How do these people make any money? The same goes for the Clapper. I have never met anyone who actually has one of these things. Maybe it's because I'm a little too culturally enlightened, perhaps it may be that I just haven't met enough people in my life. Perhaps it's the fact that I've never hated someone or had them hate me enough to actually consider this as a present to give or get." (11/30/2001)

“They're going to have ‘Punxsutawney Phil’ pick the winner of the (S**** B***)... So, tomorrow, they're going to apparently listen for a grunt or squeak that sounds like either ‘Patriots’ or ‘Rams’, I guess; more likely, ‘Phil’ will be saying the groundhog equivalent of ‘PUT ME DOWN, YOU TOP-HATTED BASTARD!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME EVERY YEAR?!? I JUST WANT TO GO FORAGE FOR SOME FOOD!!!’" (2/1/2002)

“You may have recently heard of New York City's attempt to ban so-called ‘trans-fats’. I'm not quite sure what makes them ‘trans-fats’; maybe they are she-fats that used to be he-fats, I dunno.” (11/2/2006)

“Next thing you know, you may have reached zen... or at least as close to zen as you can get on a golf course. Mind you, I'm still just chipping balls with a 7-iron, so don't try hoping for inner peace when you're in the middle of an intense round of 18; I'm sure it doesn't work the same.” (6/25/2007)

“When I turned 29, my friends and I joked that leaves only one more year to mess up, do stupid things, act without thinking, that sort of thing that you can blame on being ‘young and stupid.’ While for the most part, I'm not really LOOKING to do stupid things between now and November, I still like having the excuse.” (3/22/2008)

Yeah, I talk about politics a lot, and it seems like my entries in the LJ/Blogger era are more serious than the ones during the Yahoo years, but more than anything, this blog has always been about the crazy thoughts in my head being spread to the masses. That and trying to be right about as many things as possible. Incidentally, with the whole Tim Donaghy blowing-the-theoretical-whistle-on-the-NBA situation, let us revisit my thoughts after the suspicious Kings-Lakers playoff game in ’02…

“Now, Sacramento loses Game 6 tonight to the Lakers because, among other things, Mike Bibby was called for a foul for getting run over by Kobe Bryant and almost getting his nose broken in the process. Regular season-- foul on Kobe, maybe even a flagrant. Game 6 with the Lakers trailing in the series-- Bibby's nose got in the way. Kings coach Rick Adelman has claimed there was something fishy about the officiating tonight, and for that he'll lose a sizable portion of his next paycheck.” (5/31/2002)

Hey, it may take 6 years for me to prove to be right about something but that doesn’t mean I won’t still gloat about it…