The S-Word
Just the other day, we had a beautiful 75 degree, sunny day. Not out of the ordinary of late, seeing as how it had been that way for most of the summer and on into September. However, that all came crashing down when it was brought to my attention that the forecast for this weekend is calling for snow.
OK, I apologize for ruining what was beginning to be such a civilized column with such profanity. Around here, we get more of that word than anyone in the nation, and as Casey Stengel said, "You could look it up." What is really starting to disturb me, and I don't know if any of the locals who read this are noticing, but does it seem like we're getting MORE and MORE of this stuff for LONGER and LONGER every year? Here we are, the first weekend in October, and we have snow in the forecast (there's that word again...) I'm still getting over the fact that the last time it snowed was only five, count 'em, FIVE months ago. And it has become more and more apparent to me that I cannot stand five months of nice versus SEVEN months of snow or possible snow per year.
Now, you didn't come here to read my whining and complaining for several inches of cyberspace about how I can't stand the "white stuff" or whatever euphemism you want to hang on it. When we were kids, we all loved the stuff. If it piled up enough, we got the day off from school (unless of course, you went to West Genesee, in which case you NEVER got a day off regardless of how high it piled up). When you did get a day off or a weekend, you went sledding or snowboarding. Now, being a man, and as such formerly being a boy, the object of my neighbors and I was to make the experience of sledding as violent as possible. So we went for "full contact sledding", where we started from the steepest part of the hill at the same time, and the object was to collide with the other guy at some point between the top of the hill and the bottom. It worked best when we got to the steep dropoff in the middle of the hill; airborne collisions were the messiest.
Then of course, you got older and when your older siblings left home (or you were the oldest and your parents decided it was time for you to start helping with the chores), it became your job to shovel the stuff. And the worst enticement became that when you were done shoveling the stuff, THEN you could go sledding. Of course, by the time you were done shoveling, not only was sledding out of the question, but you were pretty much thinking that spring couldn't get here fast enough. This combined with the fact that your neighbor inevitably had a snowblower and so it took a mere fraction of the time you were spending. It drove you nuts when they would come over, energetic as anything, wondering why you were so bushed and sick of staring at white all day and you wouldn't join them.
Then, you got older still, and your parents caved and let you get your license and perhaps some wheels. Which means you have to drive in the stuff, and if you're lucky enough, you get ice with the snow, which means the roads are a virtual skating rink. Of course, when you were younger, ice was cool, because it made the snow harder and faster, and therefore the collisions are a lot harder and faster. Collision is no longer a good thing when you are driving, take it from me on that one. I often wonder how neither of my two accidents to this point involved winter conditions; in fact both days were dry early fall days. Perhaps it's the paranoia that comes with driving in the snow. You all know what I'm talking about; you're out on the road with the rest of humanity during rush hour on a particularly wintry day, and you and every other driver are glued to the steering wheel, gripping the thing so hard you leave grooves in it. Your eyes are straight forward, except for the occasional glance to the left or right as if to tell the other drivers, "Get away, get away..."
So now you see my point, and I know you all think I'm still nuts, and that if I were so hung up on sn..., uh, that word, I would move. Don't think I haven't thought about that. In fact, after having to face near white-out conditions to drive ONE BLOCK to a pizza place in the MIDDLE OF APRIL last year, I swore I would not be here in snow country when the next winter arrived. Not that I didn't try, but on the other hand, I didn't figure the next winter would get here THIS FAST!!! Another thing I hear from snow-lovers (and that's just as bad a word as the s-word itself) is that winter is great because you can go skiing. I tried skiing when I was younger, and the thought of going at high speeds downhill on two rail-thin pieces of fiberglass doesn't exactly strike me as fun. You show me a happy skier, and I'll show you Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono. I'll betcha they were happy too just before they hit the tree.
Therefore, I think I have made my case for how unhappy I am at the prospect of that weather event of which I dare not speak its name. On the other hand, if we have a sudden warmup and it's 70-75 again next week, you can forget what I said for at least another week.
OK, I apologize for ruining what was beginning to be such a civilized column with such profanity. Around here, we get more of that word than anyone in the nation, and as Casey Stengel said, "You could look it up." What is really starting to disturb me, and I don't know if any of the locals who read this are noticing, but does it seem like we're getting MORE and MORE of this stuff for LONGER and LONGER every year? Here we are, the first weekend in October, and we have snow in the forecast (there's that word again...) I'm still getting over the fact that the last time it snowed was only five, count 'em, FIVE months ago. And it has become more and more apparent to me that I cannot stand five months of nice versus SEVEN months of snow or possible snow per year.
Now, you didn't come here to read my whining and complaining for several inches of cyberspace about how I can't stand the "white stuff" or whatever euphemism you want to hang on it. When we were kids, we all loved the stuff. If it piled up enough, we got the day off from school (unless of course, you went to West Genesee, in which case you NEVER got a day off regardless of how high it piled up). When you did get a day off or a weekend, you went sledding or snowboarding. Now, being a man, and as such formerly being a boy, the object of my neighbors and I was to make the experience of sledding as violent as possible. So we went for "full contact sledding", where we started from the steepest part of the hill at the same time, and the object was to collide with the other guy at some point between the top of the hill and the bottom. It worked best when we got to the steep dropoff in the middle of the hill; airborne collisions were the messiest.
Then of course, you got older and when your older siblings left home (or you were the oldest and your parents decided it was time for you to start helping with the chores), it became your job to shovel the stuff. And the worst enticement became that when you were done shoveling the stuff, THEN you could go sledding. Of course, by the time you were done shoveling, not only was sledding out of the question, but you were pretty much thinking that spring couldn't get here fast enough. This combined with the fact that your neighbor inevitably had a snowblower and so it took a mere fraction of the time you were spending. It drove you nuts when they would come over, energetic as anything, wondering why you were so bushed and sick of staring at white all day and you wouldn't join them.
Then, you got older still, and your parents caved and let you get your license and perhaps some wheels. Which means you have to drive in the stuff, and if you're lucky enough, you get ice with the snow, which means the roads are a virtual skating rink. Of course, when you were younger, ice was cool, because it made the snow harder and faster, and therefore the collisions are a lot harder and faster. Collision is no longer a good thing when you are driving, take it from me on that one. I often wonder how neither of my two accidents to this point involved winter conditions; in fact both days were dry early fall days. Perhaps it's the paranoia that comes with driving in the snow. You all know what I'm talking about; you're out on the road with the rest of humanity during rush hour on a particularly wintry day, and you and every other driver are glued to the steering wheel, gripping the thing so hard you leave grooves in it. Your eyes are straight forward, except for the occasional glance to the left or right as if to tell the other drivers, "Get away, get away..."
So now you see my point, and I know you all think I'm still nuts, and that if I were so hung up on sn..., uh, that word, I would move. Don't think I haven't thought about that. In fact, after having to face near white-out conditions to drive ONE BLOCK to a pizza place in the MIDDLE OF APRIL last year, I swore I would not be here in snow country when the next winter arrived. Not that I didn't try, but on the other hand, I didn't figure the next winter would get here THIS FAST!!! Another thing I hear from snow-lovers (and that's just as bad a word as the s-word itself) is that winter is great because you can go skiing. I tried skiing when I was younger, and the thought of going at high speeds downhill on two rail-thin pieces of fiberglass doesn't exactly strike me as fun. You show me a happy skier, and I'll show you Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono. I'll betcha they were happy too just before they hit the tree.
Therefore, I think I have made my case for how unhappy I am at the prospect of that weather event of which I dare not speak its name. On the other hand, if we have a sudden warmup and it's 70-75 again next week, you can forget what I said for at least another week.
Labels: snow
posted by Dave | 4:11 PM
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