Americana Panorama, Part 1
First of all, an obvious tip of the cap to John Records Landecker with the title of the column this week. He used to do a bit called "Americana Panorama" where he would talk almost like the Central Scrutinizer from the Frank Zappa album "Joe's Garage", soft voice through a megaphone into the mic. He told a long story about somebody famous and it all wound up being a long setup for the punchline, which was the name of the next song he would play. Worst example: a story about Israeli prime minister Golda Meir, which ended with the song "When My Hair Was Short", or as he said, "When Meir was short..."
All-time great DJ stories aside, I've been down here in Chambersburg long enough to provide more observations about the area I live in, and the most striking thing is the comparison between things here in PA (pronounced "Pah", of course), and things on the Maryland side of the old Mason-Dixon line. It is like night and day. Now, I've only been to Maryland three times since I moved here five months ago (five months today, in fact), but it's enough to see that there are striking differences between the two states. For that matter, it's all much different down here than it is in New York, so I may as well make it a three-state comparison.
The first trip was to Westminster back in September for the Western Maryland-Susquehanna debacle, errrr, football game. Westminster is a very nice town, nice houses and quiet but still room for things to grow and thrive along MD routes 140 and 97, which go on to Baltimore and Washington, respectively. Now I should note for geographical purposes that Westminster is NOT in western Maryland, it is in roughly the middle of the state, it's closer to Baltimore than the actual western portion of Maryland. Because of this, they're looking to change the name of the college. The given reason is because school officials claim that people from Baltimore, Washington, Philly and the like hear "Western Maryland College" and immediately think it's out in the boonies. First of all, if any of those people actually think that, it means A) they were too stupid to actually grab a map and look at where it is, and B) they skipped the part in the literature where it said "only an hour from Baltimore". Then again, I'm sure the people of Balmer have the same attitude toward western Maryland that Noo Yawkers have toward upstate New York. Noo Yawkers believe civilization ends at the Westchester County line, and Baltimoreans think it ends at the I-695 beltway. Hence, calling the upscale and growing city of Frederick by the "colorful" nickname "Fred-neck".
Speaking of Frederick, I can tell you a lot about the place now that I've been there twice in the past month. The first time was quite unintended, as I finally found an excuse to check out the Hagerstown side of the Chambersburg-Hagerstown radio market I am in (please don't ask about the new ratings, by the way). I was en route to Circuit City to get a new CD player for my car, my reward to myself for being a good little columnist/radio guy this year. First thing I noticed when I drove under the PA 163 underpass and into Maryland was how it resembled driving into Camillus, but in a different way. When you drive down the hill on West Genesee Street and under the old railroad underpass into Camillus, you feel like you're descending into the seventh level of hell and rational thinking ends at the underpass. When I went under the State Line Road underpass and across the Mason-Dixon Line, I immediately noticed how new and clean and exciting everything looked. Considering I'm from Syracuse, which greets you with the smell of sewage and garbage in the highway medians, this is a big deal to me.
I get to the plaza on US 40, and it looks like the thing was built last week. Maybe it's because it's Christmas time, but the place looks exciting and full of life. There are no real strip shopping centers in Chambersburg, and they just remind me of traffic headaches caused by lack of foresight when building these things. In Hagerstown, they planned: roads leading into and around the shopping center and traffic lights and stop signs neatly arranged. It's the same way in Frederick. How do I know this? Well, it's because the trip to Hagerstown proved fruitless, so I decided to go to Best Buy in Frederick. Only I have no clue where the place is, as I had not intended to go there in the first place. So, a half-hour later, I get off I-70 onto US 40 and drive through a labyrinth of strip malls, cuz I figure this is the main drag, it must be here. Well, I wind up in the wrong lane, 40 goes one way, I go another, and next thing I know, I'm lost in downtown Frederick.
So I find a nice parking garage to drop off the Passat and walk over to the Welcome Center. 5 minutes later, I have a nice pamphlet on greater Frederick and (more importantly) my bearings. It also gives me a chance to check out the downtown area, which is bustling even at 2:00 in the afternoon (again, maybe just because it was Christmas time). Coffeeshops on street corners, nice modern buildings interspersed with spruced-up older ones, I got a vibe from the town I hadn't gotten from anywhere else since the last time I had been to NYC. Yes, I have to deal with my nemesis once again, the one-way street. However, unlike in Chambersburg, the streets aren't so narrow that you fear that you are two inches away from side-swiping either the car in the other lane or a parked car. And (best part) NO FOUNTAINS TO DRIVE AROUND!!! I have come to find out that in many of the towns across my part of Southern Pah, they decided to put up nice Civil War memorial fountains in the center of town soon after the war ended. Obviously, they could not have foreseen the kinds of car and truck traffic we have today, so what you have is, to put it mildly, a challenge. In Chambersburg, a one-way street goes around the fountain both ways, so that's pretty easy; left lane, go around on the left, right lane, go around on the right. Make a left turn onto US 11 from the left lane on US 30, make a right turn onto US 30 from the right lane on US 11. In Gettysburg, it's harder. It's the intersection of a pair of two-way streets, so on my way back from Westminster, I go to make a left turn onto US 30 and I first have to look out for people looking to make a right turn on red from 30, then I have to stop on the other side of the fountain for oncoming traffic, then I can whip around the fountain into the westbound lane of 30. How that intersection is not a death trap I'll never know.
Anyway, back to my first Frederick experience. Eventually, I find Best Buy, amidst construction work, and I'm in and out and on my way home. Another major difference between this area and Syracuse: since we don't get that much snow, construction pretty much goes year-round. However, that's not the end of the story, or the end of the comparisons. My friend Jay's attempt to install the CD players didn't work out so hot (no fault of his own, I think they set it up so you CAN'T install it yourself), so recently, it was back to Frederick. That trip and the headaches that go with shopping at a Pennsylvania supermarket... next week.
All-time great DJ stories aside, I've been down here in Chambersburg long enough to provide more observations about the area I live in, and the most striking thing is the comparison between things here in PA (pronounced "Pah", of course), and things on the Maryland side of the old Mason-Dixon line. It is like night and day. Now, I've only been to Maryland three times since I moved here five months ago (five months today, in fact), but it's enough to see that there are striking differences between the two states. For that matter, it's all much different down here than it is in New York, so I may as well make it a three-state comparison.
The first trip was to Westminster back in September for the Western Maryland-Susquehanna debacle, errrr, football game. Westminster is a very nice town, nice houses and quiet but still room for things to grow and thrive along MD routes 140 and 97, which go on to Baltimore and Washington, respectively. Now I should note for geographical purposes that Westminster is NOT in western Maryland, it is in roughly the middle of the state, it's closer to Baltimore than the actual western portion of Maryland. Because of this, they're looking to change the name of the college. The given reason is because school officials claim that people from Baltimore, Washington, Philly and the like hear "Western Maryland College" and immediately think it's out in the boonies. First of all, if any of those people actually think that, it means A) they were too stupid to actually grab a map and look at where it is, and B) they skipped the part in the literature where it said "only an hour from Baltimore". Then again, I'm sure the people of Balmer have the same attitude toward western Maryland that Noo Yawkers have toward upstate New York. Noo Yawkers believe civilization ends at the Westchester County line, and Baltimoreans think it ends at the I-695 beltway. Hence, calling the upscale and growing city of Frederick by the "colorful" nickname "Fred-neck".
Speaking of Frederick, I can tell you a lot about the place now that I've been there twice in the past month. The first time was quite unintended, as I finally found an excuse to check out the Hagerstown side of the Chambersburg-Hagerstown radio market I am in (please don't ask about the new ratings, by the way). I was en route to Circuit City to get a new CD player for my car, my reward to myself for being a good little columnist/radio guy this year. First thing I noticed when I drove under the PA 163 underpass and into Maryland was how it resembled driving into Camillus, but in a different way. When you drive down the hill on West Genesee Street and under the old railroad underpass into Camillus, you feel like you're descending into the seventh level of hell and rational thinking ends at the underpass. When I went under the State Line Road underpass and across the Mason-Dixon Line, I immediately noticed how new and clean and exciting everything looked. Considering I'm from Syracuse, which greets you with the smell of sewage and garbage in the highway medians, this is a big deal to me.
I get to the plaza on US 40, and it looks like the thing was built last week. Maybe it's because it's Christmas time, but the place looks exciting and full of life. There are no real strip shopping centers in Chambersburg, and they just remind me of traffic headaches caused by lack of foresight when building these things. In Hagerstown, they planned: roads leading into and around the shopping center and traffic lights and stop signs neatly arranged. It's the same way in Frederick. How do I know this? Well, it's because the trip to Hagerstown proved fruitless, so I decided to go to Best Buy in Frederick. Only I have no clue where the place is, as I had not intended to go there in the first place. So, a half-hour later, I get off I-70 onto US 40 and drive through a labyrinth of strip malls, cuz I figure this is the main drag, it must be here. Well, I wind up in the wrong lane, 40 goes one way, I go another, and next thing I know, I'm lost in downtown Frederick.
So I find a nice parking garage to drop off the Passat and walk over to the Welcome Center. 5 minutes later, I have a nice pamphlet on greater Frederick and (more importantly) my bearings. It also gives me a chance to check out the downtown area, which is bustling even at 2:00 in the afternoon (again, maybe just because it was Christmas time). Coffeeshops on street corners, nice modern buildings interspersed with spruced-up older ones, I got a vibe from the town I hadn't gotten from anywhere else since the last time I had been to NYC. Yes, I have to deal with my nemesis once again, the one-way street. However, unlike in Chambersburg, the streets aren't so narrow that you fear that you are two inches away from side-swiping either the car in the other lane or a parked car. And (best part) NO FOUNTAINS TO DRIVE AROUND!!! I have come to find out that in many of the towns across my part of Southern Pah, they decided to put up nice Civil War memorial fountains in the center of town soon after the war ended. Obviously, they could not have foreseen the kinds of car and truck traffic we have today, so what you have is, to put it mildly, a challenge. In Chambersburg, a one-way street goes around the fountain both ways, so that's pretty easy; left lane, go around on the left, right lane, go around on the right. Make a left turn onto US 11 from the left lane on US 30, make a right turn onto US 30 from the right lane on US 11. In Gettysburg, it's harder. It's the intersection of a pair of two-way streets, so on my way back from Westminster, I go to make a left turn onto US 30 and I first have to look out for people looking to make a right turn on red from 30, then I have to stop on the other side of the fountain for oncoming traffic, then I can whip around the fountain into the westbound lane of 30. How that intersection is not a death trap I'll never know.
Anyway, back to my first Frederick experience. Eventually, I find Best Buy, amidst construction work, and I'm in and out and on my way home. Another major difference between this area and Syracuse: since we don't get that much snow, construction pretty much goes year-round. However, that's not the end of the story, or the end of the comparisons. My friend Jay's attempt to install the CD players didn't work out so hot (no fault of his own, I think they set it up so you CAN'T install it yourself), so recently, it was back to Frederick. That trip and the headaches that go with shopping at a Pennsylvania supermarket... next week.
posted by Dave | 11:44 PM
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