2001: A Year In Two Acts
Well, here we are wrapping up a year many of us never thought would end. Looking back on our spaced-out odyssey through 2001, I can only think two things: 1) I had to get one more "Space Odyssey" joke in before the year was over, and 2) it's hard not to divide the year into 2 halves, one before September 11, and one after. I almost did my end-of-year list that way, giving my salute to one person or thing from before 9-11 and one from afterward. However, I decided that was kinda dumb and it focused attention on the attacks, and that's certainly something we don't need to do anymore than has already been done. So, therefore, it's on with this year's really dumb list of noteworthy events, because if I don't make fun of people, then the terrorists win, dammit...
The "We Hardly Hated Ye" Award: the XFL, hands-down. Any sporting league whose main attention getter is a guy who puts "He Hate Me" on the back of his jersey is doomed to failure. That of course didn't stop me from watching it for the first couple weeks, but just like the rest of the country, I tuned out. Still, there were some positives to take away from the whole experience: "He Hate Me" himself, Rod Smart, has a promising career as a Philadelphia Eagles special teamer, and as TV shows go, at least the XFL lasted longer than "Bob Patterson".
Dumb PETA Protest of the Year: Originally, this was the Dumb Protest Award, but since it was virtually assured of going to PETA, just like it did last year, I just gave them the award for good. This year, it was at the Ultimate Fishing Derby on Syracuse's Onondaga Lake in early August. PETA put up a billboard by the side of the lake showing a dog with a hook in its mouth, saying "You wouldn't do this to your dog, why do it to a fish?" My answer: because unlike Korea, we don't eat dogs here.
Funniest Thing I Saw This Year: a bus coming down South Main Street in front of the radio station where I work, with a lighted destination sign that read, "Are We There Yet?"
Afroman: Meet Lou Bega and the Baha Men. I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about.
Dumbest Lawsuit: Coming in just under the wire this month, a parent sued the local school district in Union City, California, after his son didn't make the varsity basketball team. He is suing for the coach's termination, and oh yeah, $1.5 MILLION!!! The money, he says, makes up for lost wages the kid could have made someday as a pro. Oh please, you gotta have a lot of faith in your kid if you think he's guaranteed to go to the NBA and he can't even make his school's varsity squad (and yes, I know Michael Jordan got cut once). Of course, up at West Genny, all the parents had to do there was whine and complain to get the coach to leave, which is how they went from 16-6 last year to 2-7 this year.
The Final Insult: the release of the media recount of the disputed Florida presidential ballots, right in the middle of our war on terrorism. Although Rolling Stone claims that it was a total spin job to keep Bush's approval ratings up, people don't read Rolling Stone for political insight, they read it to see near-nude pictures of Britney Spears. The end result is what we knew all along: Bush won, the Supreme Court did not elect him president, end of story. Funny how nobody wants to bring that up anymore...
Most Overplayed Song of 2001: Let me put it to you this way, "Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks came on the radio in my car the other day and even though I hadn't heard it in months, it STILL reminded me of "Bootylicious".
Road Rage Incident of the Year: March 22 in Annapolis, MD, the perhaps misnamed Majestic John Gough III was stopped by a flag man in a road construction zone. Gough proceeded to get out of his car and beat the crap out of the flag man. He'll be spending the next 10 years in jail, but isn't kicking some construction guy's ass something we all wish we could do?
Dumbest Invention: By far, the Segway. You've seen it, the scooter-like thing that goes 20 miles an hour and is supposed to get you places quicker. The inventor explained this product by saying, "If you're going from New York to Philadelphia, use a car. If you're going from 21st Street to 42nd Street, use this." Uh, no. How about if you're going from 21st Street to 42nd Street, you WALK! I can see a nation of obese people using these as just another excuse to avoid any form of exercise.
Best CD I Got This Year: Once again, Pink Floyd can't win this award for their greatest hits compilation, but I did get it and of course I loved it. This year, the honor goes to Ben Folds for "Rockin' the Suburbs", which has pretty much gone under the mainstream radar, but then again, the "mainstream" is still trying to figure out how Staind can sell more albums than 'N Sync.
Who Will We Talk About In the Next Year In Music: Foo Fighters, more from Alicia Keys and Michelle Branch, The Strokes, Jimmy Eat World, Weezer, Pink, the Rolling Stones, and Brandy.
Who Will (Hopefully) Just Go Away In 2002: I think you know where I'm going here... Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync, O-Town, Britney, pretty much the whole TRL bunch, as well as Kid Rock and the interchangeable Disturbed-System of a Down-Linkin Park rap-metal groups.
My Record On 2001 Predictions: well, Christina Aguilera got yet another #1 hit for "Lady Marmalade", and while Mandy Moore didn't get a sitcom like I predicted, she is practically a VJ now, so I was sorta right there. I hit the nail on the head for big years from Dave Matthews, Destiny's Child, and Tool. However, the new STP album fizzled, Jessica Simpson, O-Town, and rap metal still won't go away, and oh yeah, I said the Chicago Bears would go 1-15.
Dumbest Thing I Wrote Here This Year: Other than the aforementioned 1-15 Chicago Bears prediction? Well, I of course, think that dumb statements from me here are rare. Actually, I would point out the number of causes I thought were important to talk about (moderate Republicans leaving the party, kicking young people out of their primary hangouts and onto the streets, even all the coach and ref-bashing in high school sports) that seem pretty silly now after the events of 9-11.
Finally, A Couple of Thoughts For 2002: First of all, those of us who are over 11 years old are lucky enough to be the few who will get to live in two palindromic years in their lifetimes (numbers read the same forward and backward-- 1991 and 2002). The next one won't be until 2112, which was a pretty good Rush album, by the way. And secondly, there's a live-action Scooby Doo movie in the works for next summer, rumored to be starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Fred and Daphne. Now, considering the fact that Freddie and Sarah are dating, doesn't that lend credence to that whole "Fred and Daphne split off from the rest of the gang so they could boink" theory???
Oh, and Happy New Year.
The "We Hardly Hated Ye" Award: the XFL, hands-down. Any sporting league whose main attention getter is a guy who puts "He Hate Me" on the back of his jersey is doomed to failure. That of course didn't stop me from watching it for the first couple weeks, but just like the rest of the country, I tuned out. Still, there were some positives to take away from the whole experience: "He Hate Me" himself, Rod Smart, has a promising career as a Philadelphia Eagles special teamer, and as TV shows go, at least the XFL lasted longer than "Bob Patterson".
Dumb PETA Protest of the Year: Originally, this was the Dumb Protest Award, but since it was virtually assured of going to PETA, just like it did last year, I just gave them the award for good. This year, it was at the Ultimate Fishing Derby on Syracuse's Onondaga Lake in early August. PETA put up a billboard by the side of the lake showing a dog with a hook in its mouth, saying "You wouldn't do this to your dog, why do it to a fish?" My answer: because unlike Korea, we don't eat dogs here.
Funniest Thing I Saw This Year: a bus coming down South Main Street in front of the radio station where I work, with a lighted destination sign that read, "Are We There Yet?"
Afroman: Meet Lou Bega and the Baha Men. I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about.
Dumbest Lawsuit: Coming in just under the wire this month, a parent sued the local school district in Union City, California, after his son didn't make the varsity basketball team. He is suing for the coach's termination, and oh yeah, $1.5 MILLION!!! The money, he says, makes up for lost wages the kid could have made someday as a pro. Oh please, you gotta have a lot of faith in your kid if you think he's guaranteed to go to the NBA and he can't even make his school's varsity squad (and yes, I know Michael Jordan got cut once). Of course, up at West Genny, all the parents had to do there was whine and complain to get the coach to leave, which is how they went from 16-6 last year to 2-7 this year.
The Final Insult: the release of the media recount of the disputed Florida presidential ballots, right in the middle of our war on terrorism. Although Rolling Stone claims that it was a total spin job to keep Bush's approval ratings up, people don't read Rolling Stone for political insight, they read it to see near-nude pictures of Britney Spears. The end result is what we knew all along: Bush won, the Supreme Court did not elect him president, end of story. Funny how nobody wants to bring that up anymore...
Most Overplayed Song of 2001: Let me put it to you this way, "Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks came on the radio in my car the other day and even though I hadn't heard it in months, it STILL reminded me of "Bootylicious".
Road Rage Incident of the Year: March 22 in Annapolis, MD, the perhaps misnamed Majestic John Gough III was stopped by a flag man in a road construction zone. Gough proceeded to get out of his car and beat the crap out of the flag man. He'll be spending the next 10 years in jail, but isn't kicking some construction guy's ass something we all wish we could do?
Dumbest Invention: By far, the Segway. You've seen it, the scooter-like thing that goes 20 miles an hour and is supposed to get you places quicker. The inventor explained this product by saying, "If you're going from New York to Philadelphia, use a car. If you're going from 21st Street to 42nd Street, use this." Uh, no. How about if you're going from 21st Street to 42nd Street, you WALK! I can see a nation of obese people using these as just another excuse to avoid any form of exercise.
Best CD I Got This Year: Once again, Pink Floyd can't win this award for their greatest hits compilation, but I did get it and of course I loved it. This year, the honor goes to Ben Folds for "Rockin' the Suburbs", which has pretty much gone under the mainstream radar, but then again, the "mainstream" is still trying to figure out how Staind can sell more albums than 'N Sync.
Who Will We Talk About In the Next Year In Music: Foo Fighters, more from Alicia Keys and Michelle Branch, The Strokes, Jimmy Eat World, Weezer, Pink, the Rolling Stones, and Brandy.
Who Will (Hopefully) Just Go Away In 2002: I think you know where I'm going here... Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync, O-Town, Britney, pretty much the whole TRL bunch, as well as Kid Rock and the interchangeable Disturbed-System of a Down-Linkin Park rap-metal groups.
My Record On 2001 Predictions: well, Christina Aguilera got yet another #1 hit for "Lady Marmalade", and while Mandy Moore didn't get a sitcom like I predicted, she is practically a VJ now, so I was sorta right there. I hit the nail on the head for big years from Dave Matthews, Destiny's Child, and Tool. However, the new STP album fizzled, Jessica Simpson, O-Town, and rap metal still won't go away, and oh yeah, I said the Chicago Bears would go 1-15.
Dumbest Thing I Wrote Here This Year: Other than the aforementioned 1-15 Chicago Bears prediction? Well, I of course, think that dumb statements from me here are rare. Actually, I would point out the number of causes I thought were important to talk about (moderate Republicans leaving the party, kicking young people out of their primary hangouts and onto the streets, even all the coach and ref-bashing in high school sports) that seem pretty silly now after the events of 9-11.
Finally, A Couple of Thoughts For 2002: First of all, those of us who are over 11 years old are lucky enough to be the few who will get to live in two palindromic years in their lifetimes (numbers read the same forward and backward-- 1991 and 2002). The next one won't be until 2112, which was a pretty good Rush album, by the way. And secondly, there's a live-action Scooby Doo movie in the works for next summer, rumored to be starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Fred and Daphne. Now, considering the fact that Freddie and Sarah are dating, doesn't that lend credence to that whole "Fred and Daphne split off from the rest of the gang so they could boink" theory???
Oh, and Happy New Year.
posted by Dave | 11:20 PM
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