Role Model

Every week, I empty out my thoughts onto this patch of cyberspace and I pretty much just come away from it all thinking that's all there is to it, and that my words have little to no effect on those who read it. After all, who can believe the insane ramblings of a radio guy who the good people at Yahoo actually allowed to have a forum like this for FREE? Not putting myself down here exactly, but my aim is for all who read this to get a good chuckle and maybe make you all think a little. But I don't intend to change minds, my hope is not to influence people to go on to do great things, based on my very words.

Which is why I would call myself somewhat surprised to read a column by national op-ed writer James Lileks in the Syracuse Sub-Standard, errrr, Post-Standard recently which seemed to me to be a reflection of a column I had written some weeks earlier on zero-tolerance policies. He specifically brought up the infamous "chicken finger" example. Now, this was very much like my column of a month before, only with a bit more research. Then again, this column's not about research. As many of you know, my interests often involve the same common thread; having to do as little as possible to achieve the desired ends. Therefore, it's just a matter of me deciding what aspect of pop culture/society/sports I want to go off on this week and emptying it out onto this black background, and that's the end of it. However, it got me thinking and I ultimately drew the obvious conclusion.

This guy's column was obviously influenced by my similar rant of weeks before. I mean, the sarcastic tone of it all, joking about modern educators telling Red China that they have to go sit in timeout if they drop bomb number one on Taiwan, that is so ME!!! Which of course has me wondering how many other columnists, aspiring or established, are coming to this spot weekly to come up with ideas and whatnot for their own opinioned endeavors. And this leads me to say one thing...

Please, DON'T.

You don't want me as an influence. Trust me on this one. For every smart thought that comes out of this format, I have several equally bad ones. Ask any of my friends; they know I have the unique talent of putting my foot in my mouth at any given time or place. In fact, I know that people would be shocked, offended, perhaps even moritified if I even dared to say any of the things I write in this column in public. It's not just political correctness, but the mere fact that such opinions aren't exactly mainstream. Hell, I'm a MODERATE. That in itself isn't mainstream, and based on who you believe, like I dunno, RUSH LIMBAUGH, we moderates are actually poseur liberals, or we are so wishy-washy that we could not possibly form the opinions that I manage to fill this space with every Friday or so.

On the other hand, it's kinda cool to think of what value I could have to the next generation if people actually are getting anything out of what I write. In all serious, I KNOW that Lileks did not read my thoughts on zero-tolerance and immediately think, "This guy's a genius; I must write something equally as brilliant on this subject!" However, it is kinda cool to wonder what effect I could have on people with my thoughts, feelings, and ideas. My soon-to-be-former housemate has told me that I'm the only other person he thinks would be perfect as president besides himself. He does have a point there; don't we all think sometimes that the only person who is qualified to fix anything is ourselves? Should I lead some kind of movement, a new political force to be reckoned with, a push to show America they we moderates actually do make up the majority of this nation and that we cannot be bullied by the right or the left to accept their positions or else?

Nah. I got way too much to do around here, like become a radio star. Maybe when I have accomplished that goal, then maybe I could use the "bully pulpit" of the airwaves, but right now I'm a talk show producer in market #78. So, I of course have priorities to take care of. The most satisfaction I get out of life in general when it comes to opinions is knowing somebody agrees with me. That I'm not alone in the way I think. It helps to know you're not the only "freak" out there. Not that most of my views are "freakish", but it's easy to think that when you feel like nobody out there represents your views and especially when I have to sit through three-hours of the aforementioned right-wind gasbag ripping the way I think apart and then sometimes getting the exact same views (the same words, even) from the mouths of callers to Local Talk Host.

So, of course the answer to Eminem's musical question, "Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me?" is in my case probably not. But if you want to, cool. I'll just keep howling here like the lone wolf in the wilderness. Feel free to howl along if you wish.