You Can't Go Home Again (But You Can Sure as Hell Try)

Back in the 20th century, there was that part of my life known as college. I didn't have the "traditional" college experience in many ways. First of all, I spent the whole time bouncing between Susquehanna University and community college, so I only spent two and a half years living the real college life and only one and a half consecutively. Secondly, I was busy trying to set myself up for the painfully mediocre career I have today, so I worked a lot, and as such didn't have much of a life. I was starting to feel like college was just another part of the career journey and that there really wasn't anything unique and exciting about it. Considering the fact that I still go up to OCC a couple times a week to see my friends anyway, the time I spent as a student there, though it was only one year, was starting to be the better representation of what my time in college was. As for Susquehanna, I unfortunately had a negative attitude toward the place; let's just say the lasting impression I had of the place resided in several holier-than-thou characters who did not make my commencement weekend experience all that pleasant.

And so, possessing this negative attitude, I went back to Susquehanna this past weekend for the first time since my class graduated last May. As it turned out, I wasn't alone; I guess I missed the memo, but somehow an unusually large number of alumni descended on "sleepy" Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania this weekend. Call it a smaller winter version of Homecoming weekend.

Living in the 9-to-5 (or in my case 1-to-7) every-day-is-the-same world of Syracuse meant I had forgotten about some things unique to this part of the world. Like the REALLY BAD DRIVERS. I have previously mentioned that CentralPADriver is possible the worst in the world and the most predisposed to driving like a crazed psychopath. However, I realized that my little road rage quiz from column #12 was missing one aspect of the drivers in central and northeastern Pennsylvania. Let me correct that oversight here:

9) You are following the driver in front of you too closely if:
A) You are one car-length behind him
B) You are less than half a car-length behind him
C) Your bumper is welded to his

Once again, if you answered C, you're from Pennsylvania, and furthermore, you were on my tail for about half a mile on 81 South in Wilkes-Barre and I really did not appreciate it.

Having survived the trip back to Susquehanna, I then was able to get the traditional grand tour of the stuff my tuition dollars helped to pay for that I never got a chance to enjoy before I graduated. No, I'm not bitter (yeah right), but I couldn't help but think as I looked at the new stadium, fitness center and work-in-progress field house that they do these things deliberately so that if you should ever decide to come back and visit, you will hardly recognize the place and as you have no memories of using these facilites yourself as a student, the only logical result is you feel OLD. Not to mention thanks to the layout of the new stuff, confused. Thank god my friend Jim knew his way around the twists and turns of the ever-growing athletic complex or else I might still be wandering around somewhere within the bowels of O.W. Houts Gymnasium looking for the exit.

The other notable change in the Susquehanna athletic department is the idea of a mascot. When your teams are called the Crusaders, you are somewhat challenged as to a, well, non-threatening depiction of the team name (read: suit of armor and sword need not apply). So what they instead came up with was a tiger with an SU cape dubbed the "Caped Crusader".

You may stop laughing now.

Having heard about this new mascot, I have to say my first impressions were as advertised, and summed up in a simple one-word question: "Why?" However, feel free to ridicule me as you will, but the "Caped Crusader" grew on me over the course of the basketball game I saw on Saturday. They did it right with the mascot, especially the person they got to be the mascot. You don't want the mascot to just sit there and look like part of the furniture. You want the mascot to breakdance on the floor during timeouts, to shadowbox the referees as they run past, to have to be told to get away from behind the basket because he's distracting the other team's free throw shooter. Now as long as they stay in character with this guy, I won't have a problem with him.

Back to Jim for a moment; after all, he was the guy who was pretty much responsible for this pilgrimage as without his couch I would not have had a place to crash (pay for a hotel room? I think not) If ever there was someone who is a perfect example of both the college and radio lifestyle, it's this guy. He has somehow managed to work at about twice as many stations as I have in his young career (and considering how few stations there are in central Pennsylvania, that's saying something). However, unlike me, he decided to take advantage of the, um, social opportunites available at Susquehanna University, which is another way of saying that not only is he a fraternity brother, but as a fellow sports nut, someone who insists that the national anthem be sung before drinking games. Thanks to him, I was able to hang out with his segment of college society for the weekend and reacquaint myself with certain long-forgotten weekend rituals.

And as I observed and at some points took part in this slice of college life, I realized two things. First of all, I was right to not rush a fraternity while at SU, because I am not someone who shall we say holds his liquor well. More importantly, this time in my life known as college, however brief it was, was certainly a unique time in a unique place and will never be repeated again. It is much better to remember the positive things about that time period, the friends and the fun rather than the few bad apples and less-than-happy moments. So I say cherish those college memories, because as Billy Joel once sang, "Captain Jack will get you high tonight, and take you to your special island..."

What, did you think I was going to start quoting "This Is the Time To Remember"? You forget who is writing this column, my friend...