The Summer of the Sequel (Part 2)

There's this phenomenon you've probably heard of known as deja vu. It's when you're doing something and you get the feeling you had done the exact same thing before, maybe in another life, maybe in a repressed memory. I bring it up because I had to ask myself when I sat down to write this column, "Didn't I write this column before? I could swear I had written a column about a summer movie season filled with way too many sequels and bad ideas."

Then, through the cold medication-induced stupor I am in, it hit me: I did write this column before. Last year, right about the same time. Which means we, in effect, have the sequel of the summer of sequels. Pretty much goes along with the basic Hollywood philosophy-- if you've got a good idea, run it into the ground. And while you're at it, do it for a longer time, as Hollywood has taken a cue from the ever-expanding Christmas shopping season and done the same thing with the summer movie season. The first summer blockbuster, "Spiderman", opened today. May 3rd. Time was we had to wait until at least Memorial Day weekend for the first big movie. And if you technically want to say "The Scorpion King" - which not only was a sequel, errr, prequel (whatever) to the "Mummy" movies but also Rock-ed its way to a $36 million opening weekend - was a major movie of "summer blockbuster" caliber, then technically the "summer movie season" started in the middle of April! If you are afraid that this could inevitably lead to unlimited movie overhype all year round, fear not, because they have to keep a couple of months available for the movies that nobody goes to see, otherwise known as the "Oscar contenders".

Well, let's start with the flick opening today, the long-awaited "Spiderman" flick. This is one big budget, special effects-laden movie I might actually want to see, because when you're trying to bring a comic strip to like, taking the effects to cartoonish proportions is not only desired, but encouraged. While the duo who play the Web-Spinning One and his main squeeze (Tobey McGuire and Kirsten Dunst) face the risk of going from indie film darlings to "It" Guy and Girl with the certain success of "Spiderman", these two are level-headed individuals who probably will handle sudden large-scale fame gracefully. And there's also the fact that Kirsten Dunst is well-deserving of her selection as one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People list.

However, as big a deal as "Spiderman" is, this movie did not have long lines of no-lifer cybergeeks waiting outside the theatre for the past few weeks. That (dis)honor, of course, goes to "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones", which opens in two weeks. I guess this would be the sequel to the prequel. George Lucas apparently tried to make a genuinely good movie this time, at least that's what people insist he has done; turning Samuel L. Jackson's Mace Windu from an intellectual to the Jedi equivalent of a bad motha(shutyourmouth) is a good start. That's what I get from the trailer anyway: I mean, he makes his "I'm gonna smoke yo sorry ass" face and says "This party's over"; that means BMF, right? The hell with stereotyping, I want to see Samuel L. Jackson playing BMFs! Well, I can't tell you for sure if he is or not, since nobody knows much about what really happens in the movie yet, but Mr. Lucas had no problem with all the leaks flying around about a hot off-screen romance between Natalie (Queen Amidala) Portman and Hayden (Anakin "Don't Call Me Vader" Skywalker) Christensen. Oh by the way, nothing happened between them, but the resulting buzz actually has people outside the regular Star Wars flock wanting to see this movie. If Episode II improves on Episode I's billion-dollar worldwide gross, then the effort will have been worth it. On the other hand, when you're trying to follow up on what is widely perceived as a billion-dollar grossing "flop", it's kinda hard to believe this is going to be the smash that the first three were. Will I see it? Probably, though I will not repeat the opening night experience I had with Episode I.

Later in the summer, we get two more sequels worth seeing: "Austin Powers III" (a.k.a. "Goldmember", unless the Bond people change their mind and block it again) and "Men In Black II". Any Austin Powers film is worth seeing, especially when they cast Beyonce Knowles as the female lead. Now, I'll admit I did not see the first "Men In Black"; I will probably have to before the second one comes out to get an idea of what I'm looking at, but from the preview I can tell it should be pretty good, especially Will Smith's line about his original artificial valet being "a black guy, but they kept pulling him over."

Well, there's the bright lights, now onto the parade of crap that will saturate movie screens from June to August. I mentioned the "Scooby Doo" movie at the end of last year; obvious Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Fred and Daphne joke aside, there's not much else to watch this for. "Spiderman" being the exception, you really can't take a cartoon, make it a live-action movie and expect it to work, even when you make the star a computer-generated cartoon dog. Interesting casting move, however, getting Linda Cardellini of "Freaks and Geeks" fame to play Wilma.

I will not go to see "Minority Report", starring Tom Cruise for one simple reason: I am SICK of all these movies that are set in the future depicting the future as some dark, scary, Big Brother-controlled mess where it's always nighttime and The Man is coming to kill you. "Escape From L.A.", "The Running Man", and the "Terminator" movies pretty much covered everything you need to know about these movies; hell, "Logan's Run" probably took care of all of it 25 years ago! Enough already!

And then there's the sequel that should never have been made. Last year, I gave the prize to "Jason X" (a.k.a. "Friday the 13th, Part 10"), which was so bad apparently that they had to move its opening all the way to a couple weeks ago so it could actually have a decent opening. This year, staying in the horror genre, "Halloween: Resurrection" wins hands-down. I mean, is there a more obvious title for a horror-movie sequel than "Resurrection". It's pretty clear when they make a new "Halloween" that they're bringing Michael Myers back; otherwise, it's NOT a "Halloween" movie. They should've taken the hint a few years back when the 20th anniversary sequel, "Halloween H20" flopped.

So there you have it, a summer season with (as usual) no original ideas to it. Luckily, though, they somehow manage to come up with enough sequels and copied ideas to get us through every year. What will summer 2003 bring (besides the "Incredible Hulk" movie-- see, another copied idea already)? We should know soon; after all, that summer movie season will probably start right after Christmas.