Dave-isms and Random Thoughts

It has come to my attention that a lot of people tend to misunderstand the things (expressions if you will) that I say in these columns. The simple explanation for that is the fact that a lot of these expressions are made up right on the spot. As I always say, "If there isn't an appropriate word or term for a situation, invent one." And so, I have, but I've made up so many of them over time that even I tend to confuse myself. I always told myself that I would someday compile a list of all the terms (Dave-isms if you will) that I have invented, and so here is a partial list...

D.A. (noun) short for dumbass, one of many terms I have "borrowed" from Don & Mike, my favorite radio show

M-T-O: (noun) basic staple of life, especially when you have no food and can only walk to a Sheetz for a meal cuz you have no car

Cincinnatied: (verb, past tense) to have experienced a large amount of industrial, commercial, and residential growth in a short period of time. Some call it suburban sprawl, I call it nice (a very bad perversion of Green Day's "Welcome To Paradise")

ish: (suffix) a measure of time. In my case, to attach "ish" to a time is to give a vague idea of when things will happen. Example: 4ish means anytime between 4:00 and 4:59.

double avoidance: (noun) technique that happens during the tense period of time after you initially ask out someone of the opposite sex and she is thinking it over... you avoid her because you don't want to seem like you're harassing her, and she avoids you because she'll feel she needs to answer if she runs into you

Cham-Hag-Way: (noun) term for the Arbitron market in which I reside, formerly known as Chambersburg-Hagerstown (Cham-Hag for short). However, Arbitron has recently renamed the market Chambersburg-Hagerstown-Waynesboro (cuz Waynesboro is just such a thriving metropolis, ya know), hence Cham-Hag-Way.

yuh-huh: answer in the affirmative; in other words, yes. A combination of the words "yeah" and "uh huh". It is how I answer most questions.

And now that you know what I'm saying when I'm saying it, here's some things that have been floating around my head of late...

Went to the West Genny game tonight. The good news is that they're a really exciting team to watch, they have great speed on offense, and their quarterback is a legitimate college prospect. The bad news is that they still find a way to break your heart, and they still can't shake the fact that they're painfully mediocre. Well, at least the "making the postseason" monkey is off their backs, and good luck to them next week.

Speaking of which, we have one good season at West Genny, and suddenly we have professionally printed programs??? Nice touch. Also, they had a stadium rock band... AWESOME!!! There's just something about hearing "Tie Your Mother Down" while waiting for a kickoff...

Meanwhile, the hoop parents at WG have finally gotten their wish... Jerry Wilcox resigned as head coach, despite his near-.700 winning percentage. He took the job at Liverpool, our archrival, and he was quoted in the paper as saying, "It's nice to go somewhere you're appreciated." Gee, you think that was a shot at the angry, self-absorbed parents who essentially ran him out of town for not playing their kids enough? Way to go, parents, you just killed the program. Bet you all feel so good that you drove a Hall of Fame coach with 2 sectional titles and 3 league titles (including one just last season) out of town. The only thing worse that could happen now is for them to accuse Wilcox's successor, Steve Dunham, of being a "Wilcox clone" and making the same "unfair to my kid" decisions, because then nobody will want to coach West Genesee. They'll be lucky to win 6 games this year, and if Liverpool makes sectionals, then I will laugh the loudest. Well, maybe second loudest...

Driving through Wilkes-Barre on the way up to the 'Cuse this weekend, I saw a new roadside sign on I-81: "Aggressive Driver, High Crash Area." Naw, really? I have previously noted in this column (see #12, by the way) than Northeast PA drivers are the worst in the world, at least that I know of. Need more proof? No prob... I'm stuck in the fast lane having to do 70 after just entering the 55mph zone as you enter Wilkes-Barre. Naturally, nobody is slowing down; that would just be too much of an inconvenience. I can't get over into the slow lane, because I'm passing two cars. The guy behind me starts FLASHING HIS HIGH BEAMS AT ME!!! Mind you, I'm already doing 15 over the speed limit!!! I finally get over into the slow lane, and just for good measure, the D.A. FLIPS ME OFF!!! I think I've made my point.

Speaking of drivers and their need for speed, I have noticed that they have upped the speed limit to 65 on the Camillus Bypass, and the drivers have adjusted accordingly. They're now all doing 75...

And finally, it just occured to me... I work in Cham-Hag-Way, and I have never in two months here, set foot in Hagerstown. Gotta work on that...