Yet Another Pointless List About the Year 2000
Everyone loves a good list, but at this time of the year, one can get pretty sick of them all. Inevitably, you will see every columnist/reporter/news anchor worth his or her salt (incidentally, what exactly does that mean, worth his salt?) will compile a list of the noteworthy things that happened in the past year, from the stupidest things people did to of course the major world and national events of the year. I will warn you now, I'm about to do it too, but mainly because it's my duty as a columnist to do so, and I think it's in the contract we all have to sign to get into this biz, right after the part about coffee breaks: "Around New Year's, you MUST write a column with a list of stuff that happened in the past year." And so without any further ado (or don't)...
Biggest Event Of The Year: No, not the election and the endless recounts. Not even the launch of this fairly successful column (by successful of course I mean the fact that more people read this than just me as I'm writing it). Nope, biggest event of the year was the fact that for the first time ever, I got through an entire calendar year without getting in a car accident. Although considering there are still 2 days left in the year, I may have just jinxed myself...
Best CD I Bought This Year: Although technically the new live Pink Floyd and Roger Waters CDs came out this year, it's 99% old stuff, so those don't count. Besides, thanks to that accidental scratch I put in one of the Waters CDs, that may go down as the Best CD I Had To Buy A New Copy Of This Year. Anyhoo, as far as this year goes, gotta go with Green Day's newest, "Warning". It's not typical Green Day, where it's 15 tracks with the same 3 chords, a lot of feedback and not much variation. They actually evolved into a sort of new millennium bar band, that's what the songs sound like to me, and the melody on some of them are excellent (melody's key for me).
This Cookie's For You, John: Whoever that St. Bonaventure fan was that threw the cookie on the Reilly Center floor during the Temple game has probably become the most famous hoop junkie in these parts since the guy who threw the orange against the backboard at the Dome during the Georgetown game a few years back. This particular Bonnie fan may have single-handedly put his team in the NCAA Tournament, as without the upset that followed, they may not have made it.
Best Disappearing Act: Has anyone even heard the name "Lou Bega" in the past 12 months? Furthermore, does anyone care that they haven't?
On Survivor: Didn't watch more than five minutes of the first one, won't watch any of the future ones? I'm not in a big hurry to see people eating rats or Rich going for that "all-over tan". And speaking of "Survivor"...
Dumbest Protest Of The Year: Hands down, has to go to PETA and their rats-on-a-stick as they picketed outside the CBS headquarters in NYC to protest the fact that the Survivor contestants ate rats, instead of going vegan in order to sustain themselves. First of all, your protests didn't do a damn thing, because the whole run of the series had already been shot, and second of all, if it hadn't been shot yet, how do you think the contestants could have possibly found out about your displeasure out there on that remote island? Runners-up: Gee, PETA had a great year for dumb protests-- encouraging college students to drink beer instead of milk because of the supposed unhealthy things in milk, the Rudy Giuliani "Got prostate cancer?" ad with the same premise, and asking the Green Bay Packers to change their name because of the "violence" involved in meat packing. I would think it's a pretty safe bet these people will contend for this (dis)honor next year as well.
Survivor Of A Different Kind: If I had to pick which of the current crop of teen pop starlets will be around after this whole trend passes, my money's on two of them for different reasons. Christina Aguilera will last because (sorry, Britney) she's the far better singer of the bunch and has racked up more #1 singles already than Britney, Jessica, Mandy, 'N Sync, the Backstreet Boys, and 98 Degrees COMBINED. Speaking of Mandy, she'll be around too, but for a far different reason. If you were like me and spent those bored-out-of-your-mind summer mornings watching her MTV show, you've got to admit, she's a natural in front of the camera. My prediction: the singing career will fade off, and she will become America's next sitcom sweetheart, kinda like "Moesha" but with ratings. Either that or she'll wind up as a VJ.
Who Will We Talk About In The Next Year In Music: Dave Matthews Band, Moby, Stone Temple Pilots, Dream, Destiny's Child, Christina Aguilera, Nelly, David Gray, and Tool
Who Will (Hopefully) Just Go Away In 2001: 98 Degrees, Jessica Simpson, Pink, Baha Men, O-Town, Papa Roach and all the other rap-metal bands that all sound like bad copies of Rage Against the Machine.
What's My Record On Such Predictions?: Last year, I successfully predicted the demise of LFO and Lou Bega (gee, twice in one column, what's with me today?), not to mention the crash-and-burn years that Whitney Houston and Puff Daddy had, and Celine Dion's continuing (thank god) retirement from the pop scene. I also correctly stated that Eminem would have a big year, Everlast and No Doubt would come out with solid follow-up albums, and Christina Aguilera would continue to have success. However, I also said that the boy groups would also be gone by now, as well as Kid Rock and Ricky Martin. Oops.
The End Of The Millennium: Was last year. Don't give me any of this "there was no year zero, so therefore it has now been 1000 years" crap, the threat of global panic from Y2K and the fact that I was accidentally writing "19..." on my checks for months afterward is all the proof I need to tell you that 2000 was the millennium. Period.
Don't Let The Door To The Gas Chamber Hit You On The Way In: Timothy McVeigh, Rae Carruth, Osama Bin Laden, and whoever the hell it was that let the dogs out.
And Finally: Happy New Year and let's all hope that they do not make "Dude, Where's My Car 2" next year.
Biggest Event Of The Year: No, not the election and the endless recounts. Not even the launch of this fairly successful column (by successful of course I mean the fact that more people read this than just me as I'm writing it). Nope, biggest event of the year was the fact that for the first time ever, I got through an entire calendar year without getting in a car accident. Although considering there are still 2 days left in the year, I may have just jinxed myself...
Best CD I Bought This Year: Although technically the new live Pink Floyd and Roger Waters CDs came out this year, it's 99% old stuff, so those don't count. Besides, thanks to that accidental scratch I put in one of the Waters CDs, that may go down as the Best CD I Had To Buy A New Copy Of This Year. Anyhoo, as far as this year goes, gotta go with Green Day's newest, "Warning". It's not typical Green Day, where it's 15 tracks with the same 3 chords, a lot of feedback and not much variation. They actually evolved into a sort of new millennium bar band, that's what the songs sound like to me, and the melody on some of them are excellent (melody's key for me).
This Cookie's For You, John: Whoever that St. Bonaventure fan was that threw the cookie on the Reilly Center floor during the Temple game has probably become the most famous hoop junkie in these parts since the guy who threw the orange against the backboard at the Dome during the Georgetown game a few years back. This particular Bonnie fan may have single-handedly put his team in the NCAA Tournament, as without the upset that followed, they may not have made it.
Best Disappearing Act: Has anyone even heard the name "Lou Bega" in the past 12 months? Furthermore, does anyone care that they haven't?
On Survivor: Didn't watch more than five minutes of the first one, won't watch any of the future ones? I'm not in a big hurry to see people eating rats or Rich going for that "all-over tan". And speaking of "Survivor"...
Dumbest Protest Of The Year: Hands down, has to go to PETA and their rats-on-a-stick as they picketed outside the CBS headquarters in NYC to protest the fact that the Survivor contestants ate rats, instead of going vegan in order to sustain themselves. First of all, your protests didn't do a damn thing, because the whole run of the series had already been shot, and second of all, if it hadn't been shot yet, how do you think the contestants could have possibly found out about your displeasure out there on that remote island? Runners-up: Gee, PETA had a great year for dumb protests-- encouraging college students to drink beer instead of milk because of the supposed unhealthy things in milk, the Rudy Giuliani "Got prostate cancer?" ad with the same premise, and asking the Green Bay Packers to change their name because of the "violence" involved in meat packing. I would think it's a pretty safe bet these people will contend for this (dis)honor next year as well.
Survivor Of A Different Kind: If I had to pick which of the current crop of teen pop starlets will be around after this whole trend passes, my money's on two of them for different reasons. Christina Aguilera will last because (sorry, Britney) she's the far better singer of the bunch and has racked up more #1 singles already than Britney, Jessica, Mandy, 'N Sync, the Backstreet Boys, and 98 Degrees COMBINED. Speaking of Mandy, she'll be around too, but for a far different reason. If you were like me and spent those bored-out-of-your-mind summer mornings watching her MTV show, you've got to admit, she's a natural in front of the camera. My prediction: the singing career will fade off, and she will become America's next sitcom sweetheart, kinda like "Moesha" but with ratings. Either that or she'll wind up as a VJ.
Who Will We Talk About In The Next Year In Music: Dave Matthews Band, Moby, Stone Temple Pilots, Dream, Destiny's Child, Christina Aguilera, Nelly, David Gray, and Tool
Who Will (Hopefully) Just Go Away In 2001: 98 Degrees, Jessica Simpson, Pink, Baha Men, O-Town, Papa Roach and all the other rap-metal bands that all sound like bad copies of Rage Against the Machine.
What's My Record On Such Predictions?: Last year, I successfully predicted the demise of LFO and Lou Bega (gee, twice in one column, what's with me today?), not to mention the crash-and-burn years that Whitney Houston and Puff Daddy had, and Celine Dion's continuing (thank god) retirement from the pop scene. I also correctly stated that Eminem would have a big year, Everlast and No Doubt would come out with solid follow-up albums, and Christina Aguilera would continue to have success. However, I also said that the boy groups would also be gone by now, as well as Kid Rock and Ricky Martin. Oops.
The End Of The Millennium: Was last year. Don't give me any of this "there was no year zero, so therefore it has now been 1000 years" crap, the threat of global panic from Y2K and the fact that I was accidentally writing "19..." on my checks for months afterward is all the proof I need to tell you that 2000 was the millennium. Period.
Don't Let The Door To The Gas Chamber Hit You On The Way In: Timothy McVeigh, Rae Carruth, Osama Bin Laden, and whoever the hell it was that let the dogs out.
And Finally: Happy New Year and let's all hope that they do not make "Dude, Where's My Car 2" next year.
posted by Dave | 11:24 PM
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