My State of the Tube Address
My fellow Americans, I sit before you this evening (in a manner of speaking; I AM sitting as I write this) to discuss the state of our nation's television. I, as someone who often makes light of pop culture and all the unusual, and in some cases just plain stupid, things that seem to entertain us and capture our attention, feel it necessary to report on the present situation of that which is television at this early point in the new fall season.
Geez, that was a long sentence. Now I know why all of Clinton's speeches go two hours, but I digress...
That said, the state of the tube is..... uh, err...... okay, I suppose.
There are lingering problems with network television, the least of which is how god-awful long these World Series games have been. First and foremost, I mean that big gaping hole that is Friday and Saturday nights on network television. These have always been the graveyard nights of the schedule. I mean, I know that FCC chairman guy once referred to television as "a vast wasteland", but for Pete's sake, that was in 1960, you'd think they'd have done something to fix this in the past 40 years. I have long maintained that this lack of quality programming on these two nights is a ploy perpetrated by the networks to get people to go out on the weekends. I'm not trying to go conspiracy theorist on you, but you've gotta figure that if the bigwigs in programming wanted you to stay in on a Friday or Saturday night, they'd come up with something more entertaining than "The Hughleys" or "Early Edition". Name one show that was ever actually worth watching on a Friday or Saturday night (excluding "Saturday Night Live", of course, since that's not in prime time).
I would say that the upstart networks have managed to do a very good job of holding my age demographic. I rarely watch a show that isn't on Fox or the WB anymore. However, as with all things, you have to wonder if the teen drama trend has run its course. After all, how many different versions of "90210" or "Dawson's Creek" can you bang out? Think about it: you've got "Popular", which is basically "90210" all over again; "Roswell", which is essentially "Dawson's Creek" with aliens, and "Grosse Point", which is basically a spoof on the making of a "90210" or a "Dawson's Creek". Mad props and applause does go to the original "Creek", however. The way they often go to great lengths to poke fun at their own genre is refreshing; you know that the people behind this show don't take themselves too seriously. Case in point: this week's episode opened with Joey joking that the main characters, currently high school seniors, will somehow all magically end up at a heretofore nonexistent college that just happens to be right in town so that the setting somehow does not change, thus allowing the series to continue for four more years.
Meanwhile, also from the "imitation is the most sincere form of flattery" department, witness your current Tuesday night situation. I'm speaking directly to the male 18-24 population right now. We got ourselves a win-win situation here. At 8:00, you watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and ogle Sarah Michelle Gellar for an hour, and then at 9, whereas before most of you would have to go directly to the Internet and download Sarah Michelle pictures for hours to get your sci-fi hottie fix (and don't deny you do it, I don't, but we're all human here), you now flip to Fox for "Dark Angel" and ogle Jessica Alba for an hour. Consider the ratings the two-hour movie premiere got. Your competition is the presidential debate on the other networks (and a baseball game, but we'll just leave the Yankee fans out of this). In the end, the decision was made by Americans that when you have to choose between Al Gore and George Bush on the one hand, and Jessica Alba on the other, you pick Jessica Alba. Gotta hand it to James Cameron; after all, he managed to make a film where you already knew how it was going to end before you even went into the top-grossing film of all time, simply by drawing in the lucrative teenage-girl audience with a Leo love story. This time around, he takes the "Buffy" formula and basically makes the atmosphere darker and the heroine hotter. Bonus for now: the fact that "The Real World" is still not done for the year over on MTV, so at 10, you just flip over to that for now.
Speaking of the aforementioned mother of all reality shows, who came up with the brilliant idea of running the older editions of the show in syndication? Pretty good concept, you don't have to hunt through TV listings to see when your favorite Miami or San Francisco episode will air again. Now, it's Puck and Pedro five days a week. Confessionals and "house meetings" for all!!!
Now, the "experts" (and that's like saying I'm an "expert", because I have now written a column on TV) say that most of the new slate of shows, especially the comedies, have been hurt badly by the fact that the Olympics and baseball playoffs have spread out all the launch dates of the series, so by the time Fox rolls out the majority of its new season next week, nobody will give a rat's behind about the shows. I say not true. If anything, the fall season starts way too early anyway; more often than not, shows that get launched in August don't last. This year, CBS rolled out "American High" in the first part of August, and killed it before the month was even over, thus breaking the previous record set by "The Trouble With Larry" (I only trot that Bronson Pinchot abortion out because it was set in Syracuse).
More new stuff is a good thing, especially because it will debut during sweeps, so we get to see it go against the dramatic series plot turns and big Hollywood movies we will inevitably see on the other networks. Almost like sending your JV to take on another school's varsity in the first round of the state championships. While it's likely that we won't remember "Normal, Ohio" or "The Street" five years from now, you can't blame Fox for trying.
Soooo, I can now see that I've yammered on for quite a while and said not much other than most of the new shows suck, Jessica Alba is hot, and I'm going to continue to veg out in my apartment listening to music on Friday and Saturday nights due to the lack of anything good on the tube. On the other hand, this has probably made just as much, if not more sense than any State of the Union address we've heard in recent memory. Therefore, I think for a first time out, I didn't do such a bad job, did I?
Good night, and God bless television.
Geez, that was a long sentence. Now I know why all of Clinton's speeches go two hours, but I digress...
That said, the state of the tube is..... uh, err...... okay, I suppose.
There are lingering problems with network television, the least of which is how god-awful long these World Series games have been. First and foremost, I mean that big gaping hole that is Friday and Saturday nights on network television. These have always been the graveyard nights of the schedule. I mean, I know that FCC chairman guy once referred to television as "a vast wasteland", but for Pete's sake, that was in 1960, you'd think they'd have done something to fix this in the past 40 years. I have long maintained that this lack of quality programming on these two nights is a ploy perpetrated by the networks to get people to go out on the weekends. I'm not trying to go conspiracy theorist on you, but you've gotta figure that if the bigwigs in programming wanted you to stay in on a Friday or Saturday night, they'd come up with something more entertaining than "The Hughleys" or "Early Edition". Name one show that was ever actually worth watching on a Friday or Saturday night (excluding "Saturday Night Live", of course, since that's not in prime time).
I would say that the upstart networks have managed to do a very good job of holding my age demographic. I rarely watch a show that isn't on Fox or the WB anymore. However, as with all things, you have to wonder if the teen drama trend has run its course. After all, how many different versions of "90210" or "Dawson's Creek" can you bang out? Think about it: you've got "Popular", which is basically "90210" all over again; "Roswell", which is essentially "Dawson's Creek" with aliens, and "Grosse Point", which is basically a spoof on the making of a "90210" or a "Dawson's Creek". Mad props and applause does go to the original "Creek", however. The way they often go to great lengths to poke fun at their own genre is refreshing; you know that the people behind this show don't take themselves too seriously. Case in point: this week's episode opened with Joey joking that the main characters, currently high school seniors, will somehow all magically end up at a heretofore nonexistent college that just happens to be right in town so that the setting somehow does not change, thus allowing the series to continue for four more years.
Meanwhile, also from the "imitation is the most sincere form of flattery" department, witness your current Tuesday night situation. I'm speaking directly to the male 18-24 population right now. We got ourselves a win-win situation here. At 8:00, you watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and ogle Sarah Michelle Gellar for an hour, and then at 9, whereas before most of you would have to go directly to the Internet and download Sarah Michelle pictures for hours to get your sci-fi hottie fix (and don't deny you do it, I don't, but we're all human here), you now flip to Fox for "Dark Angel" and ogle Jessica Alba for an hour. Consider the ratings the two-hour movie premiere got. Your competition is the presidential debate on the other networks (and a baseball game, but we'll just leave the Yankee fans out of this). In the end, the decision was made by Americans that when you have to choose between Al Gore and George Bush on the one hand, and Jessica Alba on the other, you pick Jessica Alba. Gotta hand it to James Cameron; after all, he managed to make a film where you already knew how it was going to end before you even went into the top-grossing film of all time, simply by drawing in the lucrative teenage-girl audience with a Leo love story. This time around, he takes the "Buffy" formula and basically makes the atmosphere darker and the heroine hotter. Bonus for now: the fact that "The Real World" is still not done for the year over on MTV, so at 10, you just flip over to that for now.
Speaking of the aforementioned mother of all reality shows, who came up with the brilliant idea of running the older editions of the show in syndication? Pretty good concept, you don't have to hunt through TV listings to see when your favorite Miami or San Francisco episode will air again. Now, it's Puck and Pedro five days a week. Confessionals and "house meetings" for all!!!
Now, the "experts" (and that's like saying I'm an "expert", because I have now written a column on TV) say that most of the new slate of shows, especially the comedies, have been hurt badly by the fact that the Olympics and baseball playoffs have spread out all the launch dates of the series, so by the time Fox rolls out the majority of its new season next week, nobody will give a rat's behind about the shows. I say not true. If anything, the fall season starts way too early anyway; more often than not, shows that get launched in August don't last. This year, CBS rolled out "American High" in the first part of August, and killed it before the month was even over, thus breaking the previous record set by "The Trouble With Larry" (I only trot that Bronson Pinchot abortion out because it was set in Syracuse).
More new stuff is a good thing, especially because it will debut during sweeps, so we get to see it go against the dramatic series plot turns and big Hollywood movies we will inevitably see on the other networks. Almost like sending your JV to take on another school's varsity in the first round of the state championships. While it's likely that we won't remember "Normal, Ohio" or "The Street" five years from now, you can't blame Fox for trying.
Soooo, I can now see that I've yammered on for quite a while and said not much other than most of the new shows suck, Jessica Alba is hot, and I'm going to continue to veg out in my apartment listening to music on Friday and Saturday nights due to the lack of anything good on the tube. On the other hand, this has probably made just as much, if not more sense than any State of the Union address we've heard in recent memory. Therefore, I think for a first time out, I didn't do such a bad job, did I?
Good night, and God bless television.
Labels: television
posted by Dave | 11:15 PM
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