The Fool-Proof Road Rage Quiz

And now, in the interest of preserving the sanity of all cautious and law-abiding drivers, I present an easy test that will determine whether or not you can consider yourself a type-A personality for road rage. So, without any further ado...

1) You're in the left lane on a four-lane street and you're coming up on a red light. You're behind a couple cars, but you notice there are no cars in the other lane. Do you:
A) Ease to a stop in your lane (no sense in pushing it)
B) Check your mirror to make sure it's safe to change lanes if you want
C) Throw caution to the wind and dart into the other lane (after all, any way you can get where you're headed a couple seconds faster...)

2) You're in the fast lane on an interstate highway, and you're trailing a driver who is getting passed on his right by a few cars. He decides he should switch lanes to let you by, so he puts on his turn signal and waits for an opening. Do you:
A) Give him the opportunity to switch lanes so you can pass him
B) Back off a bit so if he needs to slow down to make his move, he can
C) Wait until he starts to make his move, then zip around him and cut him off

3) You're in the left lane on a four-lane divided highway. The driver in front of you is going about 45 in a 40 mph zone and you're passing cars in the other lane. Do you:
A) Conclude he's going too fast and you should back off
B) Stay at your present speed (you're making good time)
C) Flash the high beams at him, because 5 mph over the limit just isn't good enough for you

4) You're approaching a stoplight on a single-lane road. The light is green and the driver in front of you is about to make a left turn. Do you:
A) Be patient, perhaps someone in the opposite lane also needs to turn and will let him go
B) Be patient, when he turns, he turns
C) Swerve around him onto the shoulder and go, if there's someone in the opposite lane who's trying to turn, they'll wait for you, dammit

5) You're approaching a stoplight, which has just turned yellow. It appears that the driver in front of you will probably pass under the light just as it turns red. Do you:
A) Stop; after all, the light will be red
B) Slow to a stop making sure the person behind you knows you are slowing down
C) Speed up and run the red light; if he's not gonna get caught, neither will you

6) You are on an expressway that is about to split. You are planning to switch to the left lane in order to exit. The driver in front of you is signaling to switch to the left lane as well. Do you:
A) Slow down behind him and wait for him to move over before you make your move
B) Switch lanes and leave an opening in front of you for him
C) Switch lanes and go around him, thus causing him to either come to a dead stop in the middle of an expressway or miss his exit

7) You are in the right lane approaching a merge lane. It looks like the driver on your right attempting to merge is going to get to the merge point at the same time as you. Do you:
A) Back off and let him have room to merge
B) Move over one lane and give him the whole lane to merge into
C) Refuse to give an inch (bonus points if you run him off the road)

8) Through no fault of his own, the driver in front of you has either done something foolish or has inconvenienced you in some way. Do you:
A) Sigh (such is how drivers are these days)
B) Mutter to yourself then try to forget about it
C) Make sure you pull up alongside the driver so you can either give him a dirty look or yell at him

If you answered C to at least 4 or 5 of these questions, you probably live in Central New York. I didn't need to think very hard to come up with these situations, because all of them have happened to me. It amazes me to no end the lengths drivers will go to in order to get to their destination a few seconds quicker. I tend to be more easy-going, rarely am I in a hurry to get places, and even if I am, I still have respect for the law and for the intents of other drivers. This is mostly because I once reacted in an unfortunate manner to a driver who obviously would choose C to questions 3 and 8; in short, I gave him the old "one-finger salute". I was instantly mortified by what I did, and swore that would never happen again. I'm probably a Type-A personality for a lot of things, but road rage is not one of them.

By the way, if you answered C to all 8 questions, you probably live in central Pennsylvania. I have officially dubbed them the worst drivers in the world. You can tell how far into Pennsylvania you've gone by the increasing erraticness of the drivers. These are people who haven't grasped the basic concept of a merge lane, so they have to put yield signs on the highway to remind them, and even that usually doesn't work. Sure, I consider myself a notoriously bad driver, but there's no excuse for driving bad ON PURPOSE.

All I know is I lead a relatively happy life, and I don't need to worry about it being compromised or possibly ended by some nutjob who wishes to take umbrage with the fact that I stopped him from getting to his destination a couple seconds sooner. What possesses a person to suddenly abandon his intended route just so he can follow a good driver who interrupted his reckless sprint because he wants to beat him to a bloody pulp? At what point does a person snap into this sort of behavior? I've heard of very few cases of a rogue student driver tailgating someone because he was cut off or of some kid flunking his driver's test because he had to floor it and run a light or stop sign to end the test that much faster. See how stupid that sounds? In short, I don't wish to change the world, I just want to get from point A to point B without landing car C or person D in garage E or hospital F. Any and all help that those of you who drive, sane or otherwise, can provide to that end will be much appreciated. Thank you.