Do Not Open Until Christmas, Part 2: The Shopper Menace
You know how it always goes. As soon as you start to think about Christmas shopping, at some point in November, you swear that you will get all the shopping done early. That's right, this year I know I will have the money to get presents early on, I'll get all the Christmas shopping out of the way right away. Maybe I'll get it all done before Black Friday, then I won't have to deal with finding parking spaces and crowds and the general madness. Then it becomes early December and unexpected bills crept up on you, and now you swear that you WILL NOT do all the shopping at the last minute. No way, I'll go during the week and avoid the crowds and get it all done. Then, you suddenly decide to throw a Christmas party or get invited to a Christmas party or two or three, and you plunk a few bucks down here and there to get ready; gotta look nice, get all the necessary supplies...
And now it's the week before Christmas, and you have less money than you had hoped for, and you realize you've only bought a grand total of ONE OR TWO presents and that once again you have failed in your original quest to "get it all out of the way early on". Then you find out that despite the sales, everything costs more than you somehow thought it would, and then the credit cards come out, and then it REALLY gets fun.
How do I know this scenario? Naturally not just the fact that I'll admit it once again happened to me this year, but let's face it, it's happened to the majority of all of you this year, and we all made the same pledge in November to get it all done early, and yet here we are the last week before Christmas and we haven't gotten it done. Now considering the parking spaces have been full at the malls every weekend since Halloween (see column #17), these people must have been doing something, and obviously they were doing the same thing that I will admit I am somewhat guilty of myself. What happened is we got to the mall, saw all the big early season sales and realized that this was the best time of year to get all the stuff WE wanted and not what others had asked you to get for them for Christmas. And so, forsaking the list of things we had ourselves asked for from others, we go out and get all those things ourselves, and the best justification we can come up with was, hey, it's on sale!
Another reason I know that this has happened to all of us is because I've had to fight you all for parking spots this week, and I know why you're all there. I thought that shopping during the week was to some advantage to myself; after all, I work afternoons, so I can get out to the malls at that low-traffic hour of 10 or 11 in the morning, when the morning rush is over because those people had to go to work, and we're still well before the late afternoon rush of shoppers stopping at the mall during rush hour on their way home from work. This week, there has been nothing low-traffic about that time period. And don't we all know why.
And so, knowing full well what the situation is, that we're all headed for the malls in the mid-morning hours of every day this week, Old Man Winter (who apparently has some sort of racket going with the owners of the shopping malls) chooses that exact time to hit us with a barrage of daily snow showers and lake-effect snow storms. Thus punishing those of us who couldn't get a good parking spot. I normally don't care where I park; hell, probably a good excuse for me to get a good walk, get some exercise. However, when I have to trudge for what feels like about two miles through blowing snow, zero visibility, and below-zero windchills, as cold-hearted and not in keeping with the holiday spirit as it may seem, I really have the urge to yell, "Screw Christmas, they can all get the damn stuff themselves!!!"
But of course, I don't. For as long as we keep the sacred traditions of Christmas alive and the spirit of peace on earth and goodwill toward everyone, we will continue to go through the cycle every year. And no I don't mean buying a Christmas tree, going to Midnight Mass, singing Christmas carols, and all of the good and wonderful holiday traditions. I of course mean starting every November, swearing, "This year, I've got the money, I'll get all of the Christmas shopping out of the way early, so I don't have to deal with the parking hassles and the crowds, and..."
And now it's the week before Christmas, and you have less money than you had hoped for, and you realize you've only bought a grand total of ONE OR TWO presents and that once again you have failed in your original quest to "get it all out of the way early on". Then you find out that despite the sales, everything costs more than you somehow thought it would, and then the credit cards come out, and then it REALLY gets fun.
How do I know this scenario? Naturally not just the fact that I'll admit it once again happened to me this year, but let's face it, it's happened to the majority of all of you this year, and we all made the same pledge in November to get it all done early, and yet here we are the last week before Christmas and we haven't gotten it done. Now considering the parking spaces have been full at the malls every weekend since Halloween (see column #17), these people must have been doing something, and obviously they were doing the same thing that I will admit I am somewhat guilty of myself. What happened is we got to the mall, saw all the big early season sales and realized that this was the best time of year to get all the stuff WE wanted and not what others had asked you to get for them for Christmas. And so, forsaking the list of things we had ourselves asked for from others, we go out and get all those things ourselves, and the best justification we can come up with was, hey, it's on sale!
Another reason I know that this has happened to all of us is because I've had to fight you all for parking spots this week, and I know why you're all there. I thought that shopping during the week was to some advantage to myself; after all, I work afternoons, so I can get out to the malls at that low-traffic hour of 10 or 11 in the morning, when the morning rush is over because those people had to go to work, and we're still well before the late afternoon rush of shoppers stopping at the mall during rush hour on their way home from work. This week, there has been nothing low-traffic about that time period. And don't we all know why.
And so, knowing full well what the situation is, that we're all headed for the malls in the mid-morning hours of every day this week, Old Man Winter (who apparently has some sort of racket going with the owners of the shopping malls) chooses that exact time to hit us with a barrage of daily snow showers and lake-effect snow storms. Thus punishing those of us who couldn't get a good parking spot. I normally don't care where I park; hell, probably a good excuse for me to get a good walk, get some exercise. However, when I have to trudge for what feels like about two miles through blowing snow, zero visibility, and below-zero windchills, as cold-hearted and not in keeping with the holiday spirit as it may seem, I really have the urge to yell, "Screw Christmas, they can all get the damn stuff themselves!!!"
But of course, I don't. For as long as we keep the sacred traditions of Christmas alive and the spirit of peace on earth and goodwill toward everyone, we will continue to go through the cycle every year. And no I don't mean buying a Christmas tree, going to Midnight Mass, singing Christmas carols, and all of the good and wonderful holiday traditions. I of course mean starting every November, swearing, "This year, I've got the money, I'll get all of the Christmas shopping out of the way early, so I don't have to deal with the parking hassles and the crowds, and..."
posted by Dave | 7:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home