Getting There Is Half the Fun

I hope you're sitting down for this, because it may take a while to comprehend... I'm on vacation.

Yup, hard as it may be to believe, I have taken the unusual step of asking for (and actually getting) a week off from by two jobs. Of course, this column doesn't get a week off because there is nothing better than a vacation when it comes to finding things that are column-worthy, especially after not having had one for two and a half years. So, I am presently in Augusta, Georgia, visiting my sister, my brother-in-law, and my two nephews. The column exists this week due to the fact that just like me, my brother-in-law also believes that a cable modem is a basic necessity of life.

In case you are wondering, I drove here from Chambersburg, a day-long trip, and when you are planning on a day-long trip, you have to do a lot of, um, planning. First thing is to find the quickest route to your destination. Well, I did that, but then I had to figure out what to do with it. You see, the quickest route in this case was the most bland in terms of visuals. I know, I'm driving, I should be paying attention to the road, but when the scenery is nothing but the road in front of you and trees or mountains on either side, it can get boring very quickly. Also, there was the fact that this trip down Interstates 81 and 77 goes primarily through the heart of Appalachia, which immediately made me want to proclaim, "THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE STOPPING BEFORE CHARLOTTE!!!" It also made me get the car checked out just in case, because the last thing you want to do is break down in the middle of Appalachia. I don't know if I can actually justify that with any scary stories, but it just made sense to me.

Well, upon disembarking from the 'Burg, it became abundantly clear pretty quickly that basic human necessities were going to supercede my desire to not stop the car, namely the need to eat and to use the facilities. So, there were several rest stop visits along the way, especially as I subsist on a steady diet of caffeine when I drive. Also, there was a stop at Cracker Barrel in Roanoke, VA for lunch. It was here that I got an idea of the geographical boundary at which one's accent turns from annoying to almost soothing. I, of course, live in an area dominated by Baltimore accents, soo, whoops, I mean so, any improvement would be quickly noted. My waitress at the Roanoke Cracker Barrel was not only very cute, she had a voice that could literally melt butter. Unfortunately, while you can get almost anything else at the Cracker Barrel gift shop, they did not have "Cute Southern Accent in a Can". Maybe next time...

So, the trip is off to a good start, I am thinking as I attempt to re-enter I-81 following lunch. Now, when you go on a long trip like this, your focus is on safety, first and foremost, so this is why as I paused and merged onto the highway in a pretty nice cushion between two tractor-trailers, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE ALMOST KILLED! Apparently, the 18 wheeler behind me was not interested in waiting for me to get up to speed, so he 1) nearly took my back end off as he went around me, 2) passed me by going into the enter/exit ramp just before it split from the highway, nearly squeezing me out of my own lane and into the car in the left lane in the process, and 3) nearly took my front end off jerking back into my lane before he wound up flying off the road. I did not realize that road rage was that intense and that prevalent among semi drivers. Note to my friend Rhino, currently studying to drive 18 wheelers: if this is how you will wind up, you may want to reconsider...

Anyway, now that I have had my first "life flashing before my eyes" moment of the trip, I am pretty much convinced that something is going to prevent me from getting to Georgia with me and/or my car in one piece. Then, for once in my life, the stars finally aligned in my favor, as I passed not one, but TWO 10-mile backups on I-77, both heading in the OTHER DIRECTION. Not only did this of course give me a chance to laugh at their predicament, but it also told me exactly what parts of the highway to avoid on the trip home.

Finally, I make it to Charlotte, a very nice city to drive through. Didn't stop there, but maybe I'll want to on the way home. The rock station I picked up on the way through, WXRC, was quite good, but the DJ seemed a bit lost, like he knew what he wanted to say, but it wasn't coming out right. Then again, this happens to me a lot as well, so perhaps this means I'm doing something right after all... is WXRC hiring?

At this point, it's getting late in the day, and I'm getting farther South, and the farther South I get, the more humid it gets. My car does have air conditioning (thank god), but unfortunately, nobody has invented a car dehumidifier yet, and so the cool air being pumped into my face is cool AND sticky. Finally (have I used that word enough in this column), I arrive in Augusta, Georgia, some 12 hours after leaving Chambersburg (or about 2 hours longer than MapQuest said it would take, I really don't know why I use that thing). I get out of the car, and immediately, it feels like a wet towel just got draped all over me. I mean, I was out of the car 5 seconds and I was SOAKED! You do not know humidity until you have been to the South.

However, I must compliment my sister and brother-in-law on their selection of housing, it is very nice, in a beautiful neighborhood of similar looking, newly built homes. And the computer room is a nice added touch, thus allowing me to complete this column in the usual several hour timeframe (see, I type a little, go get something to drink, type a little more, stop and listen to the radio, type a little more, use the bathroom, type a little more, writer's block...) And so I have the next several days here, with nothing I HAVE to get done, just on vacation.

I'm bored already.