Are We Watching the Same Movie? Part 2: No, It's Just the Sequel

I have griped in this column before that Hollywood is having a very hard time trying to come up with original film ideas. When I saw the list of films coming out this summer, I am now convinced that for the most part, they have given up. Either that, or with the recent threat of a writer's strike, they just decided to quickly crank out a ton of sequel scripts that didn't require much original thought. And so I present to you the environmentally-friendly summer movie season, so named because it appears most of the movies are recycled.

Don't get me wrong, there are some big time original ones out there this year, most notably "Pearl Harbor" with a cast of thousands and a budget of billions. But still, this is another in the series of "Saving Private Ryan", "The Thin Red Line", and so on to the point that it seems like we can't have a summer movie season without another WW2 epic rolling off the assembly lines. That and the fact that all the computerized effects have made movies like "Pearl Harbor" so, well, fake that I don't find them to be worth watching. I'm sorry, but I saw that trailer and just envisioned so many of those battle scenes as they were ACTUALLY filmed, that being a bunch of guys running away from a "green screen" where all of the computerized destruction would be edited in later. Give me a break, whatever happened to the good ol' John Wayne/Audie Murphy flicks of old where you had war movies with REAL violence, not the type that comes with an "Intel Inside" label on it.

And then, there's "Tomb Raider". Now given, this will probably do a lot better than most of the video game-inspired films we've seen in the past (remember the "Super Mario Bros." movie? *shudder*), but that's because none of the others had a real-life sex symbol (Angelina Jolie) playing a computerized sex symbol (Lara Croft). Expect a high cybergeek count at this one, while I just sit back and continue to wonder what the hell Ms. Jolie ever saw in Billy Bob Thornton. Later in the summer comes the "Final Fantasy" movie; the only positive I can see with this one is that the film will clock in at a lot quicker than the amount of time it took me to ever beat any of the "FF" games.

So what will I see? I like the trailer for "Evolution". I haven't gone into Orlando Jones overkill mode just yet, cuz I didn't see any of the other "7UP" pitchman's flicks, but I will see this one. Just the lines alone about David Duchovny saying he "knows those guys" at the FBI and Jones' line, "I've seen this movie before, the black guy always gets killed first" guarantees that they're going to try to break every rule of the traditional sci-fi flick. It's worked before with "Men In Black", and that movie (not to mention the song) is far enough in the rearview mirror that it's safe to try again.

Okay, so much for the ones that actually required a little effort, now for the glut of sequels. Thank goodness we already survived "Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles" before the summer season started, but that's not the lowest it will go this year. Can you say "Friday the 13th, Part 10?" I kid you not. Sure, the horror-flick genre has been reinvigorated in recent years with the "Scream" movies and the "I Know What You Did Last Summer" ilk that has recently turned into the movie version of the WB network. However, this does not mean that you can bring back the old retreads; remember a few years back when Wes Craven decided to resurrect "Nightmare on Elm Street" because he figured he was on a roll with the "Scream" flicks? People like horror flicks that make fun of those old slash-a-minute films, not more of the actual films themselves.

Then again, there's "Scary Movie 2", the sequel to the movie that made fun of the movie that made fun of the horror genre. This is just one of a long line of "it was funny the first time, but..." movies that will try to win people over by keeping the running gag running for another year. However, in this "here today, gone yesterday" Short Attention Span Theatre that is pop culture circa 2001, it's hard to build a movie franchise, even if the second film comes out quickly after the first one. Ditto "Dr. Doolittle 2", and "American Pie 2", especially the latter. Two years ago was the Summer of American Pie, but the 15 minutes of fame that almost everyone in that film gained are already over, and you can't go home again.

And you can't go home a third time, either, as in "Jurassic Park 3". Now don't get me wrong, "The Lost World" was just as big, if not bigger than the original "Jurassic Park", but let me see if I can guess the plot line: new bunch of archaeologists track down dinosaurs run amok, half of them get eaten, and naturally they don't get rid of ALL of them, because if this thing makes any money, then there's definitely going to be a "JP4". I won't even go into the remake of "Rollerball" (why redo a film nobody saw the first time?) or worse yet, the "Planet of the Apes" update; all I can say to the people who thought that was a good idea is, "DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!"

There is one sequel, though, that I will be first in line to see: "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back". For anyone who hasn't already figured it out, Kevin Smith is a friggin' genius, and as long as he keeps making these movies, I'll keep going to see them. I don't think anyone has ever been as quick-witted or done more with less than Smith. Some may take my view on the other sequels with this one, saying that this series has exhausted its originality or that the "slacker movie" went out with flannels. I, however, maintain that these movies were never intended for mainstream consumption and just like grunge rock, it's gone back to the underground. And as long as I continue to get movies that appeal to my demographic, I certainly won't find myself pining away for that long-awaited film version of "Hogan's Heroes". Then again, nothing would make me THAT desperate.