So This is What 10 Dollars Gets You These Days
Welcome to another summer, filled with lots of blockbusters and lots of reasons not to go to the movies at all. For one thing, it costs you more now to go to the movies, as theatres everywhere hiked ticket prices recently. So in these tough economic times, you really have to wonder, would I pay $10 or more to see this? So let me give you some guidance the same way I do at this time every year... by making it up on the spot without having seen the movies.
The summer season opened with "Iron Man 2" last weekend. A sequel I don't want to see to a movie I didn't want to see. Sure it pulled in $130-plus million in its opening weekend and that's fine, but I'm over the comic book movies. If I wasn't in from the start (Batman and Spiderman), I could care less. I don't read comic books, so I don't want to see comic book movies.
However, "Iron Man 2", as is the case with most summer blockbusters, will have a short stay atop the box office, as the latest "Robin Hood" incarnation comes out today. The movie is getting mixed reviews, but people don't go to summer movies based on reviews. If they did, they'd put all the Oscar-nominated movies out in the summer instead of in limited release in late fall when nobody knows or cares what they are. But Russell Crowe is playing "Robin Hood", and people tout that he's better than Kevin Costner for that role... and yet, the Costner version of that movie is easily identifiable to people and everyone of a certain age or older remembers it. Maybe it was just because of the Bryan Adams song, I dunno. As for me, the only "Robin Hood" I've ever liked was "Men In Tights" so count me out.
The following weekend we get two heavily-hyped movies in a face-off that will become one of the biggest box office blowouts ever, right up there with the earth vs. humanity in "2012". In one corner, you have the Shrek movie... incidentally, what IS the name of the movie? "Shrek: Forever After?" Or "Shrek: The Final Chapter?" Whatever, I've seen all 3 Shreks and they've all been fantastic, so I expect the franchise to go out with a bang. And in the other corner, you have... "MacGruber." Ahem. A full-length movie made out of a painfully unfunny "Saturday Night Live" sketch that rips off a TV show from 20 years ago. Oh yeah, no way this movie fails. They even put Betty White in a series of "MacGruber" sketches during her exceptional performance on SNL last weekend so they could really promote the movie. There weren't many bad moments in that episode of SNL (and it's been a long time since we could say that), but most of them involved the "MacGruber" sketches. In millions of dollars, I'm gonna say... Shrek 125, MacGruber 5. And I'm being generous.
This brings us to Memorial Day weekend, which this year gives us something for the ladies ("Sex and the City 2") and something for the guys (zombie film master George Romero's "Survival of the Dead"). Brilliant strategy, and one I think will pay off nicely for both movies. Not that I'll go see either of them, but I wish them well.
The following week we get an interesting spin-off movie: "Get Him to the Greek". They took Russell Brand's rock star character from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" (very good movie, btw), and gave him his own film, in which a music industry handler has to get him to his gig. Kinda short on premise, but it may be worth it. June 11 gives us a pair of 80s rehashes, in other words 2 more reasons why we can honestly say Hollywood is out of original ideas. They are rebooting the "Karate Kid" series, and since Ralph Macchio is too old to play the role now (hell, he was too old back in the 80s), they've cast Will Smith's kid in the title role with Jackie Chan in the Pat Morita "wax on, wax off" role. If you think that wasn't stupid enough, you could always choose the "A-Team" movie, featuring MMA star "Rampage" Jackson in the Mr. T role and respected actors Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson completely losing all box office credibility to play Face and Hannibal.
By mid-June, nobody will care about either of those turkeys anyway, because everyone will be getting ready to go see "Toy Story 3". It was over a decade in the making, and the brand is still solid enough to get families to the theatres in droves. On the other hand, "Knight and Day" will send families running from the theatre in droves because of who's on the marquee: Tom Cruise.
This brings us to the 4th of July weekend, which always starts early and in this case the big lid-lifter for America's birthday is the latest installment of the "Twilight" series. Much like "Iron Man 2", "Eclipse" is a sequel I don't want to see to a movie I didn't want to see. However, the one difference here is I tend to like the songs that make the soundtracks of these movies. That's all I'm looking forward to with this movie, which band will join Paramore and Death Cab for Cutie in having big hit songs attached to this series? Although I have not heard the song yet, I heard Metric is on the "Eclipse" soundtrack, so my money's on the Canadians. That being said, this movie will make quite a lot of loonies and twoies... err, I mean dollars. Elsewhere on the 4th, you'll get to see the latest M. Night Shyamalan thriller, "The Last Airbender". I saw the trailer for this movie, and much like the rest of the M. Night canon, I had no freakin' idea what was going on.
The next movie that I really want to see comes out on July 16: "Inception". Christopher Nolan, director of "The Dark Knight", one of my all-time favorite movies, teams with Leonardo DiCaprio (who was in 2 of my all-time faves: "Catch Me If You Can" and "The Departed") and Ellen Page (speaking of Canadians). The concept: DiCaprio and Page steal your dreams... when you come up with a brilliant idea as you drift off to sleep (when many of us have our best ideas, I know I do), they steal it before it can effectively become your intellectual property. I'm all in.
Wish I could say the same for the rest of the summer fare, but we all know by late July and August, you're usually stuck with dreck. And this time around, it's stuff like "Salt", in which Angelina Jolie may or may not be a spy (in other words, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" without Brad Pitt), "Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore" (really? a pseudo-sexual pun in a forgettable kiddie movie?), "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" (another Michael Cera tries to win the girl story), and the movie whose appeal I understand absolutely the least: Step-Up 3D. That is all anyone online wants to talk about right now. It was a Disney Channel movie now getting the theatre treatment (a la "High School Musical 3"), and *gasp* in 3D! Uh yeah, this is not "Avatar" by any long shot, either in terms of cinematic brilliance, Oscar nominations, or box-office take. The one exception may be "Eat Pray Love", because it has been a huge hit novel, Julia Roberts is in it, and those tearjerker-novels-turned-tearjerker-films tend to do really well... unless Miley Cyrus is in it.
So that's what you can expect at the box office this summer. Have fun spending those extra dollars!
The summer season opened with "Iron Man 2" last weekend. A sequel I don't want to see to a movie I didn't want to see. Sure it pulled in $130-plus million in its opening weekend and that's fine, but I'm over the comic book movies. If I wasn't in from the start (Batman and Spiderman), I could care less. I don't read comic books, so I don't want to see comic book movies.
However, "Iron Man 2", as is the case with most summer blockbusters, will have a short stay atop the box office, as the latest "Robin Hood" incarnation comes out today. The movie is getting mixed reviews, but people don't go to summer movies based on reviews. If they did, they'd put all the Oscar-nominated movies out in the summer instead of in limited release in late fall when nobody knows or cares what they are. But Russell Crowe is playing "Robin Hood", and people tout that he's better than Kevin Costner for that role... and yet, the Costner version of that movie is easily identifiable to people and everyone of a certain age or older remembers it. Maybe it was just because of the Bryan Adams song, I dunno. As for me, the only "Robin Hood" I've ever liked was "Men In Tights" so count me out.
The following weekend we get two heavily-hyped movies in a face-off that will become one of the biggest box office blowouts ever, right up there with the earth vs. humanity in "2012". In one corner, you have the Shrek movie... incidentally, what IS the name of the movie? "Shrek: Forever After?" Or "Shrek: The Final Chapter?" Whatever, I've seen all 3 Shreks and they've all been fantastic, so I expect the franchise to go out with a bang. And in the other corner, you have... "MacGruber." Ahem. A full-length movie made out of a painfully unfunny "Saturday Night Live" sketch that rips off a TV show from 20 years ago. Oh yeah, no way this movie fails. They even put Betty White in a series of "MacGruber" sketches during her exceptional performance on SNL last weekend so they could really promote the movie. There weren't many bad moments in that episode of SNL (and it's been a long time since we could say that), but most of them involved the "MacGruber" sketches. In millions of dollars, I'm gonna say... Shrek 125, MacGruber 5. And I'm being generous.
This brings us to Memorial Day weekend, which this year gives us something for the ladies ("Sex and the City 2") and something for the guys (zombie film master George Romero's "Survival of the Dead"). Brilliant strategy, and one I think will pay off nicely for both movies. Not that I'll go see either of them, but I wish them well.
The following week we get an interesting spin-off movie: "Get Him to the Greek". They took Russell Brand's rock star character from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" (very good movie, btw), and gave him his own film, in which a music industry handler has to get him to his gig. Kinda short on premise, but it may be worth it. June 11 gives us a pair of 80s rehashes, in other words 2 more reasons why we can honestly say Hollywood is out of original ideas. They are rebooting the "Karate Kid" series, and since Ralph Macchio is too old to play the role now (hell, he was too old back in the 80s), they've cast Will Smith's kid in the title role with Jackie Chan in the Pat Morita "wax on, wax off" role. If you think that wasn't stupid enough, you could always choose the "A-Team" movie, featuring MMA star "Rampage" Jackson in the Mr. T role and respected actors Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson completely losing all box office credibility to play Face and Hannibal.
By mid-June, nobody will care about either of those turkeys anyway, because everyone will be getting ready to go see "Toy Story 3". It was over a decade in the making, and the brand is still solid enough to get families to the theatres in droves. On the other hand, "Knight and Day" will send families running from the theatre in droves because of who's on the marquee: Tom Cruise.
This brings us to the 4th of July weekend, which always starts early and in this case the big lid-lifter for America's birthday is the latest installment of the "Twilight" series. Much like "Iron Man 2", "Eclipse" is a sequel I don't want to see to a movie I didn't want to see. However, the one difference here is I tend to like the songs that make the soundtracks of these movies. That's all I'm looking forward to with this movie, which band will join Paramore and Death Cab for Cutie in having big hit songs attached to this series? Although I have not heard the song yet, I heard Metric is on the "Eclipse" soundtrack, so my money's on the Canadians. That being said, this movie will make quite a lot of loonies and twoies... err, I mean dollars. Elsewhere on the 4th, you'll get to see the latest M. Night Shyamalan thriller, "The Last Airbender". I saw the trailer for this movie, and much like the rest of the M. Night canon, I had no freakin' idea what was going on.
The next movie that I really want to see comes out on July 16: "Inception". Christopher Nolan, director of "The Dark Knight", one of my all-time favorite movies, teams with Leonardo DiCaprio (who was in 2 of my all-time faves: "Catch Me If You Can" and "The Departed") and Ellen Page (speaking of Canadians). The concept: DiCaprio and Page steal your dreams... when you come up with a brilliant idea as you drift off to sleep (when many of us have our best ideas, I know I do), they steal it before it can effectively become your intellectual property. I'm all in.
Wish I could say the same for the rest of the summer fare, but we all know by late July and August, you're usually stuck with dreck. And this time around, it's stuff like "Salt", in which Angelina Jolie may or may not be a spy (in other words, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" without Brad Pitt), "Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore" (really? a pseudo-sexual pun in a forgettable kiddie movie?), "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" (another Michael Cera tries to win the girl story), and the movie whose appeal I understand absolutely the least: Step-Up 3D. That is all anyone online wants to talk about right now. It was a Disney Channel movie now getting the theatre treatment (a la "High School Musical 3"), and *gasp* in 3D! Uh yeah, this is not "Avatar" by any long shot, either in terms of cinematic brilliance, Oscar nominations, or box-office take. The one exception may be "Eat Pray Love", because it has been a huge hit novel, Julia Roberts is in it, and those tearjerker-novels-turned-tearjerker-films tend to do really well... unless Miley Cyrus is in it.
So that's what you can expect at the box office this summer. Have fun spending those extra dollars!
Labels: movies
posted by Dave | 5:33 PM
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