So Is This Entry Number CXLIII?

Well here it is, folks, the biggest day on the football calendar. The day of the Big Game. The game that millions of people throw parties for, the game that millions of people put money down on... and the game that I can't say the name of. You see, with this blog I'm practically a member of the media, and when I was in radio, every year we would get a directive from the NFL prohibiting us from using the two-word name of the game being played today, as it is trademarked. That's why if you've listened to the radio lately, you've heard numerous references to "the Big Game", but never the actual name of the game. Which is about as stupid as it gets. I mean seriously, the NFL makes a TON of money every year; do they really lose sleep over lost revenues caused by media types referencing the name of their championship game and parties or promotions associated with it? It's one of the dumbest things on the planet.

However, I really don't wish to get sued... so for the rest of this column I shall be referring to today's game as the S**** B***. Thank you for understanding...

So the pregame show has already begun for tonight's game. No, I'm not kidding. CBS started at Noon. For a game that is advertised as starting at 6, but really doesn't kick off until about 6:40 or so, and that's if the national anthem isn't really long and drawn out like Whitney Houston's at S**** B*** XXV. Ya know, back in her pre-drug days. They replayed it the other night at the West Genesee basketball game, and it's pretty sad that when I hear it now, my first thought isn't of love for my country... now my first thought is of Whitney snorting coke with Bobby.

Anyway, I'm really not interested in watching endless player profiles or numerous dissections of the game between the Indianapolis Colts and Chicago Bears (yes, I CAN say the team names without fearing legal action). Back when I was a kid, I used to stay up all night the night before watching the old highlight films on ESPN. That's what made the S**** B*** the S**** B***, what made the NFL what it is today. The raw, gritty footage, the dramatic orchestral music, the "voice of doom", John Facenda, narrating the action. Of course, now you can get those on DVD (more money for the NFL), so staying up all night isn't really worth it anymore. I don't own those DVDs, just old VCR copies from one year that I taped the marathon, so I'll just recreate tradition in the hours leading up to the game.

Incidentally, anyone know what number we're up to now? It's S**** B*** XLI, which if I know my Roman numerals right from endless crossword puzzles I've done, means it's 41. This is the only major sporting event that uses Roman numerals (no, the MLS Cup and the Arena Bowl don't count). I mean it was cute at first, but now it just seems like another in a series of endless sequels, like Friday the 13th, Part IX or Rocky V. You're not gonna see next year's World Series (incidentally, note how trademark-free that championship is) called World Series CIV... that's 104, by the way... but I guess it's the best way to summarize a championship played in February for the season that ended the previous calendar year. I get confused enough from college bowl games, like if you hear about SU in the 1993 Fiesta Bowl and immediately think, "We didn't play in the Fiesta Bowl that year. That was '92... we sucked in '93..."

This year's halftime show will feature Prince, which shows that the NFL has recovered from their bout of FCC-inspired paranoia after the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" 3 years ago. Even though some people in this country actually like "Up With People", I was not looking forward to returning to lame S**** B*** halftime shows. Plus, I don't think we have to worry about "Erotic City" or "Darling Nikki" making the Purple One's set list; I think he knows what he can and can't get away with. I like Prince, so I'm actually looking forward to the show. In addition, this year's halftime show will also feature a lot of flushing toilets... by Americans who waited until halftime to hit the bathroom. It's estimated that some 90 million households will all hit the bathroom at the same time once halftime arrives; it's even been dubbed "The Big Flush" (dun dun DUNNNNN).

Now that another column has gone directly into the toilet... I'll turn our attention back to the actual game. I have to say I really have no rooting interest in this game. My team is the New York Jets, who last won a S**** B*** in 1969... and last made a S**** B*** in 1969. Most years, I do have some sort of rooting interest for a team that I do like, such as Baltimore or the Eagles, but this year we have Peyton Manning finally making it to the S**** B*** and Da Bears. Now it would be really easy to root for Da Bears, after all, my friends and I love that old "Bill Swerski's Superfans" sketch from SNL so much that at trivia night when we don't know the answer to a question, we used to guess "Ditka". However, it would be nice for Peyton to get a ring.

That being said, I'm going on record and saying the Colts will win, 24-17. If you're wondering about my record for such picks so you can bet accordingly, I would say don't follow my lead. Lifetime, I am 11-8 with my S**** B*** picks, which is a good enough record to get you in the playoffs, but hardly a model of consistency. And then there's the fact that I picked Buffalo ALL FOUR TIMES they made it, and we all know what happened there. I'm just hoping it's a good game, cuz that's all we're really hoping for. That and a lot of good commercials...