I Wrote It

Well, lo and behold, it is coming up on the one-year anniversary of this column. 52 weeks, that is a lot of columns, and if you don't think it is, you didn't just have to spend over an hour pasting the new instructions for passing on comments to me on ALL 52 of them. You can thank the geniuses at Yahoo for that, for in their infinite wisdom, they have decided to not let us enterprising hellraisers have message boards anymore. Anyhoo, I decided to take this opportunity to give sort of an update for the uninformed on the many things I've written about over the past year, as well as what I think are some of the wittier comments I've made. So, without any further yadda yadda, let's crank up the way-back machine...

Looking back at the first column I wrote (appropriately numbered column #1), I made a lot of bold predictions, cuz it was the first of many times I would forecast or pronounce the end of someone's career. It was also the first of many times I would unfortunately be DEAD WRONG. Here's the quote, so you can get adequate proof before you laugh at me:

"...all those guys trying out for that ABC series "Making the Band", and where did it get them? The series got canceled, and the furthest O-Town got was the Pokemon soundtrack."

OK, open-mouth-insert-foot time. Not only did they renew the damn series for another season (which I ranted about in column #32), but they've had 2 Top 10 hits, and may go down historically as the last boy group to have a Top 10 hit with their current one (there I go predicting their downfall again). The reason? Well, Fox Family Channel asked one group of pre-teen girls if it was the music, and they responded, "No, it's cuz they're CUTE!!!" One year later, and nothing has changed, although I have heard nothing about that planned 'N Sync movie since I wrote about it...

"It has become apparent that there are only two groups of people who are not allowed to congregate in large groups: teenagers and Mafia types."

That line led off column #2, and has proven to be true again and again over the past year. Whether it was Hellfest (column #47), the effort to kick the Town Shop out of Camillus (column #48), or Zero-Tolerance Madness (column #31), adults continue to find ways to meddle with the lives of well-meaning young people; because a few scattered individuals have caused senseless tragedies, all must be subjected to harsh scrutiny, both at school and in everyday life. It was wrong when I wrote my original salvo last August, and it still is now. Oh by the way, despite the best artists of "spinmeisters" who tell anyone who will listen that there were fights and destruction all over Mattydale, Hellfest was a trouble-free success.

Yeah, I've had my crusades over the past year, the various causes I've taken up for and so on. Sometimes I won: the Rhino Rule at OCC (column #5) has basically been rendered ineffective, the Carousel Mall expansion (column #24) passed. Sometimes I lost: Napster (column #6) is for all intents and purposes dead, and my rant about snow (column #10) may be somewhat to blame for the near-record 190+ inches we got last winter. Also, the mere fact that there may be a "Starsky and Hutch" movie in the works proves that my efforts to get Hollywood to think of new ideas are failing miserably. The jury is still out on some, like the Columbine lawsuit (column #38), and the never-ending crusade to pull the Republican party kicking and screaming to the middle, where most of the country currently sits.

I've also talked about sports a lot, with one common thread seeming to go through those columns: just be a fan, be passionate, love your team, and please don't act like you know more about how the team should be run than the owner/AD/coach. For the record, Paul Pasqualoni is still the football coach at SU (not for long, though, I'll divulge why when I give my 2001 football picks). Jerry Wilcox is still the basketball coach at West Genesee, Hank Fengler is still the basketball coach at C-NS, and Daniel Snyder couldn't pay me enough money to pick the Redskins to make the playoffs this year, which means Marty Schottenheimer had better hope ESPN will take him back when he gets fired after this season.

You the reader have also been privileged to read about some of my life experiences in the past year. Which means, you've had the opportunity to read my various theories on the way things work in the world, such as...

"I tried skiing when I was younger, and the thought of going at high speeds downhill on two rail-thin pieces of fiberglass doesn't exactly strike me as fun. You show me a happy skier, and I'll show you Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono. I'll betcha they were happy too just before they hit the tree." (column #10)

"I am proud to be an American, and therefore, I am proud to buy something I know will not work 100% of the time and yet to absolutely nothing to make sure that it will work 100% of the time... However, I also have the right to bitch and moan all I want about the fact that it does not work 100% of the time." (column #11)

"...I would have let Gore and Bush take turns smacking the network anchors who called Florida for both of them before all the votes were counted." (column #20)

"Common rational thought to the single male apartment dweller is very rare, the thing that usually takes precedence is common rational laziness." (column #23)

"True Outdoorsman decides that when the fire is getting low, he is going to get his trusty chainsaw and lay waste to a couple of squirrels' houses. A "guy" tries to bring down trees with EXPLOSIVES..." (column #41)

"...this is the time of year you spend away from stress, away from the problems of climbing the educational ladder. So, plan your beach time accordingly. I, as would be pretty obvious from the paleness of my skin, suggest 'not going'." (column #45)

"...the proper procedure is to just to go into your motion, roll the ball down the lane and then meditate on it some. OMMMMMMMM... unless of course, this doesn't work out so hot, and your ball winds up in the gutter, in which case it's more like OMMMMMOTHERF#$%ER!!!" (column #49)

So, sans message board (I'm still peeved about that, BTW), here we go into year number 2. Here's hoping I don't lack interesting stuff to write about, as much for the sake of me the writer as for you the reader.