Annoying Songs and Other Summer Pitfalls

Yes, it is summer, which means the high temperature here in Syracuse finally just broke 60. Seriously, though, the nation's youth have reached their season of downtime, and in that spirit I present a series of potential headaches that you should all be aware of.

First of all, remember that as with all things, like our nation's highway system and supermarkets, there are times you want to avoid the beach, because otherwise you will have to put up with more traffic, more confusion, and more general all-around awfulness than you could possibly want. After all, this is YOUR time, this is the time of year you spend away from stress, away from the problems of climbing the educational ladder. So, plan your beach time accordingly. I, as would be pretty obvious from the paleness of my skin, suggest "not going".

Next warning: pretty soon you're going to start hearing a sound so horrifying, so grating, so incredibly terrifying that you will instantly turn off your radio for the rest of the summer for fear of possibly hearing it again. That phenomenon is commonly known as "the most annoying song of the year". You know what I'm talking about; there is one song that comes out every year, usually around the summertime, that gets overplayed so much and is so catchy and instantly recognizable that it could drive some either to the bell tower or the rubber room, whichever comes first. In past years, we had such memorable (or not) examples as the theme song from "Friends" (1995), "Macarena" (1996), "MMMBop" (1997), that damned Titanic song (1998, although that didn't come out during the summer), "Livin La Vida Loca" (1999), and last year, it had to be "Bye Bye Bye". Of course, that one sticks out around here because of the Hot 107 DJs who played it over and over again for several hours in the midst of one of those occasional radio pranks. On the other hand, if Destiny's Child finds a way to work "Say My Name" into one more thing, I may change my mind on that one. I can do that, it's MY column.

And speaking of annoying music, it would appear that this summer, as in summers past, we're going to be hearing from a few old friends, er no, wait old annoying neighbor types who never seem to go away, that being the teen-pop acts I prematurely buried a few months back. It would appear that in the words of Mark Knopfler and Dire Straits, "There's warning lights a-flashing down at Quality Control; somebody took a spanner, they threw it in the hole". Translation: somebody (probably Carson Daly) threw a switch, opened the floodgates, and in the span of three weeks, we went from no new Top 40 singles from boy groups or Britney wanna-bees for months to several shooting up the charts. 'N Sync and the Backstreet Boys are back on tour and Britney's Boyfriend and Co. are coming out with (ugh) ANOTHER NEW ALBUM that will probably sound worse than fingernails on a chalkboard and yet still sell 2 million its first week. Then again, they could probably put an album out that is all fingernails scraping on a chalkboard, put "'N Sync" on the cover, and still sell 2 million the first week. I am convinced, today's teenage girls are sheep. Sheep in tank tops. BAAAAAAA!!!

Finally, there's the old problem of money. Which for most means getting the part-time summer job. Now there are good summer jobs to have and bad summer jobs to have. When I was in college, I went for both. I applied for the cool summer job (working at an ice cream parlor), and didn't get it. I applied for the bad summer job (working in a grocery store deli) and of course got that. I'll tell ya, you don't want to work in a grocery store in the summer. First of all, the AC never works, so it's always 100 and muggy. Secondly, you're round meat and cheese all day, there's nothing appealing about that. Thirdly, EVERYONE and their brother wants a sub during the summer, and I couldn't even LOOK at a sub, let alone order one after that experience. Finally, thanks to the in-store muzak system, I was forced to listen to all the most annoying songs of previous summers, endlessly.

No look at the summer, though, is complete without some of the good things that happen during the summer. First and most notably, there is FREEDOM!!! You are no longer confined to your house by the snow and cold of summer or the endless rain of spring. So go out and play some basketball in the park, go to the beach (remembering my earlier traffic info), join a beer league softball team, whatever, just spend time outdoors. Jump in your car, if you have one, and go places, or ride around and enjoy the scenery. Take one precaution, though; with gas prices being what they are, you may sink most of what you made in that annoying summer job on gas alone, so perhaps walking would be better.

Also this summer, as always, we are treated to MTV's edition of summer, which this year is in Key West, and between the MTV Movie Awards pre-show and the other summer fare, it appears that the theme of this summer is "let's see how we can make Mandy Moore and Beyonce Knowles squirm". Arguably, two of the most sweet and innocent of the teen-pop set getting placed with people who will say the things that will only make, well, sick minds like me laugh. Mandy's talk show was a novel idea, giving her more of a role on the channel than last year where she was just a glorified DJ. However, little did we know when the show was billed as "the show that gives you Moore", that it would be Moore, er, more edgy than Miss Moore would have perhaps been willing to sign up for. Her undeniable and limitless cuteness shines through it all, though. As for Beyonce, I can only sum up her pairing with Mark from Blink-182 (you know them, the rock trio that occasionally likes the whole running around naked thing) as a squirm waiting to happen. Which happened at the close of the Movie Awards pre-show, when Mark was asked what the highlight of the evening was. His unhesitant reply: "Shannon Elizabeth's breasts", at which point Beyonce had a look on her face that could only be described as saying, "How much longer do I have to stand next to this moron?" Speaking of the Movie Awards, after seeing Julia Stiles' choice of wardrobe for the evening, I have never been more proud to be a Mets fan...

So have a fun summer and try not to let things annoy you. Make the most of it, especially around here, because as we well know the snow starts flying again here around Labor Day (ok, maybe that's a little exaggerating), so act like that might actually happen.