My First (and Last) Attempt at Live Blogging
Well, I needed something to blog about, and the Oscars were coming up... so I figured why I wait for the Oscars to come and go. I should give my "live" reactions to what I'm seeing in the Oscars telecast. It's a big year for the broadcast anyway; Billy Crystal is back hosting, and I think everyone wants to remember the best of what they remember from Oscar Nights past... in particular, the days when we actually knew and liked the movies that were nominated for major awards. Okay, maybe that's going a little overboard, and I'm not the best person to play movie critic because I don't watch that many movies anymore. But I prefer to think that's because there aren't any movies I want to watch.
As I write this introduction, the Red Carpet show is on... and I missed Sacha Baron Cohen dousing Ryan Seacrest in "Kim Jong Il's ashes", so I'm stuck with a bunch of people gushing about "who" celebrities are wearing. There's a reason I don't get into self-indulgent celebrity culture, and this is it. Talk about not being in touch with the "99 percent..." For instance, Tim Gunn just asked Jennifer Lopez why she rules the red carpet all the time... I've got a simple answer: Boobs.
At this point, I have switched over to The Mike O'Meara Show live online viewing party... and they have momentarily switched to "Hee Haw." How about we just fast-forward to the actual Oscars show...
8:30pm... Morgan Freeman... a great introduction, and would be better if they TURNED HIS MIC UP!
And they are inserting Billy Crystal into the movies... good start. And we have Bieber... just so Billy can pull his Sammy Davis Jr. out of the mothballs. You know what the problem here is... since I don't know half the movies, I don't get half the jokes. But this is what we signed up for when we brought him back, so good job.
8:37... Nice, a Kodak Chapter-11 joke... And yes, they brought back the Best Picture medley! But the mix is still bad... turn his mic up or turn the orchestra down!
8:42... Tom Hanks just pointed out an elderly seat-filler... what?
They always seem to lead with the cinematography awards... I think it's because most people don't really know what the hell cinematography is... a guy with a gray Jesus look won for "Hugo"... but he also won for "JFK", so I can appreciate that. "Hugo" also wins for Art Direction... if this is going to set the tone for the rest of the night, it's gonna be a looooooong one.
Random sighting... is that Sheila E? "Glamorous Life" was a great song from the 80s...
8:51... the first of many montages... uhhhh, why is "Twilight" being shown along with "Avatar" and "Ghost" and "Jaws" and... well, GOOD movies?
The costume/makeup awards... and tuning out... I guess it's easier to win costume design when your picture had no sound to distract from it, right?
Hey look, it's Razzie winner Adam Sandler... and Brad Pitt is talking about "gargantuas"... again, what?
People on Twitter are reporting that J-Lo had a nip slip... can't understand how I could have possibly missed that. There was nothing else to look at during that whole introduction...
9:01... "No baseball movie has ever won Best Picture... will that change tonight?" Nope. Boxing movies win Best Picture; baseball movies don't.
The Academy is trying something new this year... Sandra Bullock is speaking in Chinese. Somehow I can't help feeling this is slightly racist... Maybe I'm hypersensitive after all the Jeremy Lin-related screw-ups recently... Ben & Jerry's? Really? How do YOU make a fortune cookie reference? Oh, and a movie from Iran just won Best International Film...
Hey, Christian Bale sounds just like he does in that tape where he's yelling at the lighting guy!
Your Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer from "The Help". Didn't see that movie, but based on everything I've heard and read, it's much deserved.
9:19... Billy Crystal is making focus group jokes... I think only researchers like me are going to get them. And we somehow got Fred Willard and Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara into this show. Well, glad they got onto an Oscars broadcast...
And now the editing awards... or the guys who make you think you can do the same thing with iMovie... and "Hugo" wins again. And the sound editing guys' jokes are as bad as my friends say the movie was...
9:29... "Hugo" Oscar count: 4... and Cirque Du Soleil is up next? Boy, I'm glad I spent my Sunday night watching this...
9:37... Just switched to the closing minutes of a Blackhawks-Ducks game. There really ISN'T anything else on tonight!
Switched back... somebody fell? Oh, and Robert Downey Jr. just Tebowed. So a movie glorifying the eco-terrorists who bomb SUV dealerships got nominated for Best Documentary? I'm actually shocked it didn't win. And we have our first cut-off of the night... but it's just the documentary people so it's okay...
Chris Rock just did a hilarious routine about voicing animation. "Rango" won... didn't see it but probably should one of these days.
They just used Air's "Alone in Kyoto" in a Samsung smartphone ad... I have it on my Blackberry. How's that for irony? Followed by an ad for the one thing Disney hadn't yet swiped for a cartoon movie, a Scottish fairytale...
9:52... Melissa McCarthy is pretty funny. Too bad I don't really like her CBS sitcom.
"Hugo" Oscar count: 5...
Your Best Supporting Actor: Jonah Hill... yeah, right. Christopher Plummer won. Oldest actor to ever win an Oscar. 82 years old and still doing great work. Bravo.
They're releasing "Titanic" in 3D? *smacks forehead*
10:08... Billy Crystal reading minds... hilarious. And he gets a shot in at the president of the Academy.
The music awards... Wow, "Hugo" didn't win... but again, pretty easy for "The Artist" to win when there's no dialogue to muck things up. I'm actually surprised Will Ferrell is fully clothed for this presentation... yay, "The Muppets" wins, and the guy from "Flight of the Conchords" wins Best Song.
And we have women in 1950s-era flight attendant costumes serving popcorn in the aisles... ladies and gentlemen, the America that Rick Santorum wants us to go back to...
10:25... And speaking of which... Angelina Jolie decided to show America just how high up that slit goes... but she looks downright emaciated!
Best writing goes to some ex-members of the Groundlings for "The Descendents"... guys from a comedy troupe win for doing drama. That's kinda cool. And Woody Allen wins for screenplay.
Another celebrity montage... they watch movies just like you do! There's another hour left of this... I might need another beer...
10:39... They just did a series of dick jokes to introduce Best Short Film... that's pretty much what passes for good "SNL" writing these days...
One of the guys who won this award for short film miiiiiight be drunk...
Your Best Director: The French guy who did "The Artist". Guess it's a 2-movie race tonight. Incidentally, is there anything that bores me to tears more than actors talking about directors' artistic visions?
Great Billy Crystal introduction for Meryl Streep... put "The Iron Lady" on the list of movies I want to see. Yay for James Earl Jones winning an honorary Oscar.
10:58... Do they really need to tease the death reel TWICE?
Aw, we lost Gil Cates this year... uh, am I the only one who finds the song in the background a little too eerie?
11:08... So we're down to just Best Actor, Actress, and Picture, right? I'm kinda nodding off here... even Twitter appears to have fallen asleep... oh yay, ANOTHER celebrity montage... oh, wait, Patton Oswalt!
Your Best Actor: The French guy who did "The Artist"... no, different French guy. And he may have just become the first Frenchman to say he loves America.
Billy Crystal zings the French... Your Best Actress: Meryl Streep! And a terrific acceptance speech.
I feel like we're at the end of the NFL Draft... here comes Mr. Irrelevant (a.k.a. Tom Cruise)...
Your Best Picture: "The Artist".
So there you have it... to sum things up, Billy Crystal was pretty damn good and can host for the 10th time any time he wants... how about next year? I was reminded that there are a couple movies I'd like to go see, and there's a lot of stuff that nobody outside of Hollywood watches or likes but somehow gets nominated and wins awards. And Hollywood really loves itself. And I am never doing this again...
As I write this introduction, the Red Carpet show is on... and I missed Sacha Baron Cohen dousing Ryan Seacrest in "Kim Jong Il's ashes", so I'm stuck with a bunch of people gushing about "who" celebrities are wearing. There's a reason I don't get into self-indulgent celebrity culture, and this is it. Talk about not being in touch with the "99 percent..." For instance, Tim Gunn just asked Jennifer Lopez why she rules the red carpet all the time... I've got a simple answer: Boobs.
At this point, I have switched over to The Mike O'Meara Show live online viewing party... and they have momentarily switched to "Hee Haw." How about we just fast-forward to the actual Oscars show...
8:30pm... Morgan Freeman... a great introduction, and would be better if they TURNED HIS MIC UP!
And they are inserting Billy Crystal into the movies... good start. And we have Bieber... just so Billy can pull his Sammy Davis Jr. out of the mothballs. You know what the problem here is... since I don't know half the movies, I don't get half the jokes. But this is what we signed up for when we brought him back, so good job.
8:37... Nice, a Kodak Chapter-11 joke... And yes, they brought back the Best Picture medley! But the mix is still bad... turn his mic up or turn the orchestra down!
8:42... Tom Hanks just pointed out an elderly seat-filler... what?
They always seem to lead with the cinematography awards... I think it's because most people don't really know what the hell cinematography is... a guy with a gray Jesus look won for "Hugo"... but he also won for "JFK", so I can appreciate that. "Hugo" also wins for Art Direction... if this is going to set the tone for the rest of the night, it's gonna be a looooooong one.
Random sighting... is that Sheila E? "Glamorous Life" was a great song from the 80s...
8:51... the first of many montages... uhhhh, why is "Twilight" being shown along with "Avatar" and "Ghost" and "Jaws" and... well, GOOD movies?
The costume/makeup awards... and tuning out... I guess it's easier to win costume design when your picture had no sound to distract from it, right?
Hey look, it's Razzie winner Adam Sandler... and Brad Pitt is talking about "gargantuas"... again, what?
People on Twitter are reporting that J-Lo had a nip slip... can't understand how I could have possibly missed that. There was nothing else to look at during that whole introduction...
9:01... "No baseball movie has ever won Best Picture... will that change tonight?" Nope. Boxing movies win Best Picture; baseball movies don't.
The Academy is trying something new this year... Sandra Bullock is speaking in Chinese. Somehow I can't help feeling this is slightly racist... Maybe I'm hypersensitive after all the Jeremy Lin-related screw-ups recently... Ben & Jerry's? Really? How do YOU make a fortune cookie reference? Oh, and a movie from Iran just won Best International Film...
Hey, Christian Bale sounds just like he does in that tape where he's yelling at the lighting guy!
Your Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer from "The Help". Didn't see that movie, but based on everything I've heard and read, it's much deserved.
9:19... Billy Crystal is making focus group jokes... I think only researchers like me are going to get them. And we somehow got Fred Willard and Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara into this show. Well, glad they got onto an Oscars broadcast...
And now the editing awards... or the guys who make you think you can do the same thing with iMovie... and "Hugo" wins again. And the sound editing guys' jokes are as bad as my friends say the movie was...
9:29... "Hugo" Oscar count: 4... and Cirque Du Soleil is up next? Boy, I'm glad I spent my Sunday night watching this...
9:37... Just switched to the closing minutes of a Blackhawks-Ducks game. There really ISN'T anything else on tonight!
Switched back... somebody fell? Oh, and Robert Downey Jr. just Tebowed. So a movie glorifying the eco-terrorists who bomb SUV dealerships got nominated for Best Documentary? I'm actually shocked it didn't win. And we have our first cut-off of the night... but it's just the documentary people so it's okay...
Chris Rock just did a hilarious routine about voicing animation. "Rango" won... didn't see it but probably should one of these days.
They just used Air's "Alone in Kyoto" in a Samsung smartphone ad... I have it on my Blackberry. How's that for irony? Followed by an ad for the one thing Disney hadn't yet swiped for a cartoon movie, a Scottish fairytale...
9:52... Melissa McCarthy is pretty funny. Too bad I don't really like her CBS sitcom.
"Hugo" Oscar count: 5...
Your Best Supporting Actor: Jonah Hill... yeah, right. Christopher Plummer won. Oldest actor to ever win an Oscar. 82 years old and still doing great work. Bravo.
They're releasing "Titanic" in 3D? *smacks forehead*
10:08... Billy Crystal reading minds... hilarious. And he gets a shot in at the president of the Academy.
The music awards... Wow, "Hugo" didn't win... but again, pretty easy for "The Artist" to win when there's no dialogue to muck things up. I'm actually surprised Will Ferrell is fully clothed for this presentation... yay, "The Muppets" wins, and the guy from "Flight of the Conchords" wins Best Song.
And we have women in 1950s-era flight attendant costumes serving popcorn in the aisles... ladies and gentlemen, the America that Rick Santorum wants us to go back to...
10:25... And speaking of which... Angelina Jolie decided to show America just how high up that slit goes... but she looks downright emaciated!
Best writing goes to some ex-members of the Groundlings for "The Descendents"... guys from a comedy troupe win for doing drama. That's kinda cool. And Woody Allen wins for screenplay.
Another celebrity montage... they watch movies just like you do! There's another hour left of this... I might need another beer...
10:39... They just did a series of dick jokes to introduce Best Short Film... that's pretty much what passes for good "SNL" writing these days...
One of the guys who won this award for short film miiiiiight be drunk...
Your Best Director: The French guy who did "The Artist". Guess it's a 2-movie race tonight. Incidentally, is there anything that bores me to tears more than actors talking about directors' artistic visions?
Great Billy Crystal introduction for Meryl Streep... put "The Iron Lady" on the list of movies I want to see. Yay for James Earl Jones winning an honorary Oscar.
10:58... Do they really need to tease the death reel TWICE?
Aw, we lost Gil Cates this year... uh, am I the only one who finds the song in the background a little too eerie?
11:08... So we're down to just Best Actor, Actress, and Picture, right? I'm kinda nodding off here... even Twitter appears to have fallen asleep... oh yay, ANOTHER celebrity montage... oh, wait, Patton Oswalt!
Your Best Actor: The French guy who did "The Artist"... no, different French guy. And he may have just become the first Frenchman to say he loves America.
Billy Crystal zings the French... Your Best Actress: Meryl Streep! And a terrific acceptance speech.
I feel like we're at the end of the NFL Draft... here comes Mr. Irrelevant (a.k.a. Tom Cruise)...
Your Best Picture: "The Artist".
So there you have it... to sum things up, Billy Crystal was pretty damn good and can host for the 10th time any time he wants... how about next year? I was reminded that there are a couple movies I'd like to go see, and there's a lot of stuff that nobody outside of Hollywood watches or likes but somehow gets nominated and wins awards. And Hollywood really loves itself. And I am never doing this again...
Labels: Oscars
posted by Dave | 7:42 PM
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