Take What Works and Run It Into the Ground
And once again, it is time for the summer movies to hit the theaters. Unless you count movies that came out already that were billed as "big summer movies," like "Fast Five" and "Thor", but I don't. If your movie doesn't come out before the college spring semester ends, it's NOT a summer movie. My rule. Deal with it.
Anyway, even if I did count those two movies, I would just be adding to the overall theme of the summer movie season, this year and most years... sequels and variations on the hit formula. If an original movie actually breaks through the clutter of "been there, done that", have no fear, that movie will beget a sequel of its own next summer. And so it goes. Let's only put out movies that fit the templates of "what will work in a summer movie": comic-book or action figure movies, franchise sequels, romantic comedies, gross-out comedies, animated franchises for the kiddies... and then you get the obligatory horror movies by August when they're scraping the bottom of the barrel. If you want extra bang for your buck, put the movie out in 3D.
It seems like we're starting to get into a situation where the summer brings us only the lowest common denominator and the movies the rest of the year are either pale imitators of summer blockbusters or blase Oscar contenders. I know people love a good "popcorn movie", and I don't mean to come off as an elitist snob. The truth is I can't afford "popcorn movies"... hell, I can't afford the popcorn at "popcorn movies." So when I go to see a movie, I want to see something creative and original and mind-blowing, which is why the last couple movies I saw the theater were things like "Inception" and "The Dark Knight." Yes, the latter of those was a "comic book movie" but it shattered the mold. "Thor" doesn't do that.
Movie critics open their summer movie previews now by raving about the "franchises" that return for another go-round: "Cars revs, Pirates sails, Potter bewitches..." I read that, and I see "Same old, same old, same old..." Really, you could take a movie preview that proclaims, "Sequels, romantic comedies, and comic book movies will rule" and just rerun it every year with the names of the movies changed. So allow me to sift through the drivel and and tell you what the summer movie season will REALLY be...
It all starts with the 4th "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie this Friday, otherwise known as the Movie Even Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley Wouldn't Do. How long can you keep a franchise going when it's only the star and a revolving supporting cast? Guess we'll find out soon if this becomes the movie equivalent of "Archie Bunker's Place." Memorial Day weekend kicks off with the 2nd Kung Fu Panda movie. And all over San Francisco right now, people are asking, "What did you just say about Pablo Sandoval?" Also that weekend is "The Hangover Part II". I did not see "The Hangover", I really don't care if I ever do... but I see the people who loved the first one already fearing that this will ruin the original, like "Caddyshack 2"... or "Mannequin 2: On the Move". Too far?
The primary competition over the holiday weekend for these sequels comes from Mel Gibson. Oh come on, this isn't even fair. I have heard a couple of good early reviews for the movie that go something like, "If you can get past the fact that it's Mel Gibson..." Yeah, I don't think a lot of people are going to do that. They're going to see previews for "The Beaver" and immediately think "You should just (expletive) smile and (expletive) ME!" The other movie is "The Tree of Life", which is a serious drama starring Brad Pitt and Sean Penn, but if they thought it had any chance at an Oscar, it wouldn't be released until December... right after it gets nominated for Golden Globes (don't even get me started on how that happens).
The major movies of June are either formulaic or adaptations of books, which I suppose is good if you've read the books, but if you haven't read "Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer" or "Submarine", would you go see the movie versions? Otherwise, it's "X-Men: First Class" (yawn, a comic-book prequel), "The Green Lantern" (yawn, another comic-book movie), or "Cars 2" (yawn, another Disney/Pixar franchise). Teenagers may go flock to see "The Art of Getting By" with Emma Roberts, and those who liked "Bad Santa" will probably go see "Bad Teacher". I don't think those movies are related in any way except the titles and the premises... although nice touch of irony having lead Cameron Diaz making a play for real-life ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake.
The 4th of July weekend will be a classic divide-and-conquer situation for the family: the boys will go see yet another "Transformers" movie (unless they were only going to see that franchise for Megan Fox, in which case, they're screwed)... the girls will go see "Monte Carlo" with their favorite CW/Disney stars... and the parents will go see "Larry Crowne" with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. As July continues, you'll get "Zookeeper", which is nothing more than "Dr. Doolittle" in a zoo. "One Day" is Anne Hathaway who meets a perfect guy on the day of her college graduation and then we get updated on each anniversary as to how their friendship progresses. Kinda like that TV series "Reunion" from a few years ago... only in this case, they won't cancel the movie halfway through.
Next up is the Final Harry Potter Movie... I don't care what it's actually called, that's how people are going to refer to it, so get used to it. If the violent denouement of this series is too much for the little ones, you can take them to a reboot of the "Winnie-the-Pooh" series... yeah, even Disney series are getting reboots now. Then it's the "Captain America" movie (yawn, yet another comic-book movie), "Cowboys & Aliens" (let's slam together two completely un-related genres because it worked so well in "Wild Wild West"), and the live-action version of "The Smurfs."
By this point, we've hit August, which is bottom-of-the-barrel time... so you get another "Planet of the Apes" reboot, a remake of "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark", a remake of horror classic "Fright Night", a remake of "Conan the Barbarian", a 4th Spy Kids movie (aren't the "kids" in this franchise pushing 30 by now?), and a 5th Final Destination, thus proving that much like the "Final Fantasy" series of video games, when they say "Final", they don't really mean FINAL.
Now maybe there's a movie out there that will cut through all of this and wow everyone unexpectedly, but I just resign myself to the fact that this may be the first summer ever that I look at the previews and the descriptions and decide that I just don't want to see ANY of them. If that seems pessimistic, it should, and we really should demand better from the studios. I could get into the whole political economy problem of the studios only churning out lowest-common-denominator drivel to fatten their profit-margins, but it's summer and my academic brain is off the clock, so I can sum it all up by saying that I don't read comic books, I don't like sequels because they usually aren't as good as the originals (and yes, I'll always go see a new James Bond movie in the theater, but that's the rare exception), and I want to see NEW, ORIGINAL, CREATIVE, INTERESTING MOVIES. Thank you.
Anyway, even if I did count those two movies, I would just be adding to the overall theme of the summer movie season, this year and most years... sequels and variations on the hit formula. If an original movie actually breaks through the clutter of "been there, done that", have no fear, that movie will beget a sequel of its own next summer. And so it goes. Let's only put out movies that fit the templates of "what will work in a summer movie": comic-book or action figure movies, franchise sequels, romantic comedies, gross-out comedies, animated franchises for the kiddies... and then you get the obligatory horror movies by August when they're scraping the bottom of the barrel. If you want extra bang for your buck, put the movie out in 3D.
It seems like we're starting to get into a situation where the summer brings us only the lowest common denominator and the movies the rest of the year are either pale imitators of summer blockbusters or blase Oscar contenders. I know people love a good "popcorn movie", and I don't mean to come off as an elitist snob. The truth is I can't afford "popcorn movies"... hell, I can't afford the popcorn at "popcorn movies." So when I go to see a movie, I want to see something creative and original and mind-blowing, which is why the last couple movies I saw the theater were things like "Inception" and "The Dark Knight." Yes, the latter of those was a "comic book movie" but it shattered the mold. "Thor" doesn't do that.
Movie critics open their summer movie previews now by raving about the "franchises" that return for another go-round: "Cars revs, Pirates sails, Potter bewitches..." I read that, and I see "Same old, same old, same old..." Really, you could take a movie preview that proclaims, "Sequels, romantic comedies, and comic book movies will rule" and just rerun it every year with the names of the movies changed. So allow me to sift through the drivel and and tell you what the summer movie season will REALLY be...
It all starts with the 4th "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie this Friday, otherwise known as the Movie Even Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley Wouldn't Do. How long can you keep a franchise going when it's only the star and a revolving supporting cast? Guess we'll find out soon if this becomes the movie equivalent of "Archie Bunker's Place." Memorial Day weekend kicks off with the 2nd Kung Fu Panda movie. And all over San Francisco right now, people are asking, "What did you just say about Pablo Sandoval?" Also that weekend is "The Hangover Part II". I did not see "The Hangover", I really don't care if I ever do... but I see the people who loved the first one already fearing that this will ruin the original, like "Caddyshack 2"... or "Mannequin 2: On the Move". Too far?
The primary competition over the holiday weekend for these sequels comes from Mel Gibson. Oh come on, this isn't even fair. I have heard a couple of good early reviews for the movie that go something like, "If you can get past the fact that it's Mel Gibson..." Yeah, I don't think a lot of people are going to do that. They're going to see previews for "The Beaver" and immediately think "You should just (expletive) smile and (expletive) ME!" The other movie is "The Tree of Life", which is a serious drama starring Brad Pitt and Sean Penn, but if they thought it had any chance at an Oscar, it wouldn't be released until December... right after it gets nominated for Golden Globes (don't even get me started on how that happens).
The major movies of June are either formulaic or adaptations of books, which I suppose is good if you've read the books, but if you haven't read "Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer" or "Submarine", would you go see the movie versions? Otherwise, it's "X-Men: First Class" (yawn, a comic-book prequel), "The Green Lantern" (yawn, another comic-book movie), or "Cars 2" (yawn, another Disney/Pixar franchise). Teenagers may go flock to see "The Art of Getting By" with Emma Roberts, and those who liked "Bad Santa" will probably go see "Bad Teacher". I don't think those movies are related in any way except the titles and the premises... although nice touch of irony having lead Cameron Diaz making a play for real-life ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake.
The 4th of July weekend will be a classic divide-and-conquer situation for the family: the boys will go see yet another "Transformers" movie (unless they were only going to see that franchise for Megan Fox, in which case, they're screwed)... the girls will go see "Monte Carlo" with their favorite CW/Disney stars... and the parents will go see "Larry Crowne" with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. As July continues, you'll get "Zookeeper", which is nothing more than "Dr. Doolittle" in a zoo. "One Day" is Anne Hathaway who meets a perfect guy on the day of her college graduation and then we get updated on each anniversary as to how their friendship progresses. Kinda like that TV series "Reunion" from a few years ago... only in this case, they won't cancel the movie halfway through.
Next up is the Final Harry Potter Movie... I don't care what it's actually called, that's how people are going to refer to it, so get used to it. If the violent denouement of this series is too much for the little ones, you can take them to a reboot of the "Winnie-the-Pooh" series... yeah, even Disney series are getting reboots now. Then it's the "Captain America" movie (yawn, yet another comic-book movie), "Cowboys & Aliens" (let's slam together two completely un-related genres because it worked so well in "Wild Wild West"), and the live-action version of "The Smurfs."
By this point, we've hit August, which is bottom-of-the-barrel time... so you get another "Planet of the Apes" reboot, a remake of "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark", a remake of horror classic "Fright Night", a remake of "Conan the Barbarian", a 4th Spy Kids movie (aren't the "kids" in this franchise pushing 30 by now?), and a 5th Final Destination, thus proving that much like the "Final Fantasy" series of video games, when they say "Final", they don't really mean FINAL.
Now maybe there's a movie out there that will cut through all of this and wow everyone unexpectedly, but I just resign myself to the fact that this may be the first summer ever that I look at the previews and the descriptions and decide that I just don't want to see ANY of them. If that seems pessimistic, it should, and we really should demand better from the studios. I could get into the whole political economy problem of the studios only churning out lowest-common-denominator drivel to fatten their profit-margins, but it's summer and my academic brain is off the clock, so I can sum it all up by saying that I don't read comic books, I don't like sequels because they usually aren't as good as the originals (and yes, I'll always go see a new James Bond movie in the theater, but that's the rare exception), and I want to see NEW, ORIGINAL, CREATIVE, INTERESTING MOVIES. Thank you.
Labels: movies
posted by Dave | 3:24 PM
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