All Hallows' Eve... Eve

Well, we are once again in the midst of a big Halloween season. It's not really one day anymore; the parties start long before the big day and people tend to stagger them across the weekends so they can not only hold their own party but be able to attend everyone else's. While for me, it's not QUITE as crazy as last year (3 parties is much easier to handle than having to dress up for SIX), there is always guaranteed to be some sort of unexpected madness that goes perfectly with a mad holiday like Halloween.

Of course, the first thing you have to do when preparing for Halloween is to get your costume. I have never been good at this sort of thing. Truth be told, there is not one costume I wore when I was a kid that I really remember all that well. My best attempt to make a costume myself was the year that I wanted to be Mr. Met, and since I had no skill at creating something bearing a resemblance to a giant oversized baseball head, I wound up looking like I had a cardboard oil drum on my head with baseball stitches and a face on it.

In later years, my costume ideas depended on being as creative as possible while being as cheap as possible. You can't really do both, but I tried. One year in college, I wore my old baseball pants, my Mets jersey and baseball cap, and borrowed a bat from female radio co-worker (don't ask). Instant baseball player. The bonus came when my date for the evening dressed as a cat... when people asked who we were supposed to be, I just told them, "Batman and Catwoman." (insert rimshot here) I would say my low-water mark came a few years later when, absolutely flummoxed by the prospect of choosing a costume for myself, I went to work (as a disc jockey) dressed for Halloween as... a disc jockey. Except in my case, I exaggerated some things, wore sunglasses indoors to look like I had a huge "Johnny Fever" from WKRP-sized ego, but still... I spent no money and made no effort.

The last few years have been a different story. I've been invited to many a party since I moved back to the 'Cuse and now I actually have to try in order to fit in at these shindigs. I got away with being a monk two years in a row because I went to different parties with different people both years. Back in '06, I came up with my infamous "Kim Jong Ill" combo dictator/gangsta rapper bit (again, don't ask). Last year, I went back to buying a costume and went as a knight. This year, once again, I had no clue. I saw an ad for a place that sold "Captain Jack Sparrow" costumes, so I figured maybe they were at other places too. No. The "officially-licensed" (read: Disney gets all the $$$$) kind was only at this one place, and my two best options were a BAD knock-off or an overpriced knock-off. Well, if you're gonna get a knock-off, get a good one... but then I needed a wig. The only one I could find was a BAD one... for $25! TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS FOR A BAD WIG???

This is when I discovered that much like with anything else, you can always get a better deal on the Internet. Two days later, I had a wig, and even with the shipping charges, I still saved $5. And it was an actual GOOD wig.

Once you have costume in hand, it's off to the party. Some people go all out for these things. One of my former co-workers is just such an example. He's meticulous with details, right down to the self-made invitations; you've gotta appreciate someone who sends you a party invite that reads, "See back of blood for directions." He and his wife do up their entire house for the occasion, and he was happy to play "bartender" Igor in the "lab" complete with vials of syrups for your drinks. Unfortunately, it is possible to go over the line with these things, and in some cases, you need to be prepared for when that happens. When I showed up to the party, I was informed by my kindly host, "You just missed the fire." Apparently, he'd set up one of these "Jacob's Ladder" things with the electric current flowing through it and it overheated and caught the wall on fire. Oops.

After safety issues have been alleviated, it's now time to enjoy yourself. Putting out a big spread of food is always good, allowing your guests to bring a bigger spread of drinks is even better. Hilarity ensues. Just make sure you do the right thing and take a cab home or have a designated driver if you're going to be partaking in such "hilarity." Having the actual Halloween night on a Friday night guarantees parties everywhere... but the upshot of this is that you have two whole days to recover before you have to go back to work on Monday. Unless you work weekends like I do, but I'm just crazy like that, and what better time of year to embrace one's craziness than now...