Take This Job and....

(WARNING: This column is written in a style commonly known as "TONGUE-IN-CHEEK". So don't go calling me "stupid" or "incompetent" for the views expressed here, as I was recently labeled by a certain reader of this blog who shall remain nameless... because he posted anonymously. Incidentally, this would be as good a time as any for me to remind you that if you want to post comments, feel free to do so, but at least make SOME effort to identify yourself, even if you don't want to give your name...)

We all know the world has a lot of problems these days, but most of the ones we care about are of the simple everyday variety. The headaches of our jobs, for one. Let's face it; if you took a poll, you'd probably find that a large percentage of Americans don't like their job or at least some major aspect of their job. I think I can trace all of these problems to one thing: business school. I'll explain...

For almost 3 years, I've been working a 8-to-5 job in the wonderful (not) world of market research. The big boss is a business school grad, as most big bosses are. I can tell you from my time in college that a good amount of people who go to business school are, shall we say, not all that good at dealing with people. They've never had to be good at dealing with people, so why start now? And in business school, they don't get trained all that much at dealing with people. Sure they take a class like "Interpersonal Communications" or something like that, but that's their blow-off course. So they go out into the world and become big bosses and all they know how to do is get the numbers and get them ASAP. Oh, and belittle those who work under them and make their lives a living hell...

If there's an actual personal issue that needs to be resolved, well, that's what HR is for, and don't resolve it on company time, do it on your own time. In many cases, the HR person had the same business school training and therefore couldn't care less about your problem either even though it's THEIR JOB to care. And then there's the newly-hired business school grad who wants to "make an impression" on where he works. When you get one of these types, you live in fear, because you suddenly start seeing people around you getting fired for miniscule offenses and a general tightening of the rules.

Is it any wonder we blame Corporate America for all the evils of the world? And every year, another class of these types graduates into the business world, ready to "make an impression" and work you like a dog so they can live well. So I'm sure you're thinking that the solution should be for people who don't like their lot to go to business school themselves so they can be higher up on the totem pole. Well, some people just aren't right for the type of business school training these corporate Napoleons receive. It comes down to psychology. Most people are either right-brained or left-brained. The left-brained types are analytical and focus on the concrete and logical, while the right-brained types are given to creativity and feeling. Guess which ones usually wind up coming out of business school to be your boss?

Funny thing is, you take Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and the founders of Google and YouTube, right-brainers all of them, and the one thing that none of them have is... you guessed it, a BUSINESS SCHOOL DEGREE. Jobs took one semester of college, Gates dropped out of pre-law, Chad Hurley of YouTube fame got his degree in FINE ARTS! But the one thing that all of them have is more money than god. So I suppose there is hope for those of us who care less about the numbers and more about showing off our creative sides, but these "mavericks" are still in the majority and always will be so long as thousands upon thousands of business school grads enter the workforce every year.

So what do I, right-brainer that I am, propose as a solution? Well... one that will NEVER happen, but here goes... yeah, that class on communicating to people that you take as a blowoff course? It's now a requirement to graduate, and a right-brainer has to teach it, since most communications majors and likely most communications professors are right-brainers. You have to take the class with creative types. We observe your every word and action and if we sense you're belittling the right-brainers, you fail and you don't graduate.

There you go... that's how we creative types can finally get control and power over the future overlords of Corporate America, MWA HA HA... sorry, got carried away there. Told ya this was a tongue-in-cheek entry...