I'm Sick of Waiting

In past years, I gave what I called a "State of the Tube Address" to give my take on the new fall season. Actually, I did one in 2000 and 2001; for some reason I didn't in 2002. Anyway, I figured it was about time for me to start this tradition again... only the networks haven't been too cooperative. They've broken with tradition and instead of rolling out all the new shows at once, they're doing it a few at a time, mostly so they can repeat the pilots to give them a chance to find their audiences. Also, they're shifting shows from one night to another at warp speed. One the one hand, I have no problem with this; at least they're not throwing a show out there and dumping it in two weeks. On the other hand, it's taking forever for everything to debut, and now ABC has gone so far as to push one of its highly anticipated new fall shows, "The Lords of Prosperity" to January because they figured by the time they finally debut it, people's viewing patterns will be set and the show won't have a chance. This could have been solved, of course, by debuting it IN SEPTEMBER. However, that of course would mean no time slot for "Dancing With the Stars", and we can't have that, right?

In case you can't tell, I HATE reality TV. "The Biggest Loser"? "Celebrity Duets"? "America's Next Top Model"? No thanks, not for me. It is rather telling, though, that the only show I mentioned in my last "State of the Tube Address" 5 years ago that is still on the air is "Survivor". Usually because the shows I like get canceled. Oh well. So without further ado, and based on the limited slate of shows that have kicked off their new seasons, here's my 2006 look at what to watch...

First it should be noted, the choice of networks isn't quite the same this year. Last year, the WB and CBS (owner of UPN, the United Pathetic Network) decided to merge operations with the hopes of actually being competitive in the ratings. For the most part, this means that the best WB shows and the few decent UPN shows were carried over to the new CW network.

We start with Sunday nights, which means the Fox lineup, starting at 8 with "The Simpsons", which is still going strong in its 17th season. Fox moved "American Dad" to 8:30, which means I have to watch something else for a half-hour, because that show is TERRIBLE. For now, I can watch Sunday Night Football on NBC. NBC has done a good job with this production, and while it won't replace "Monday Night Football", it will probably get better ratings than the new ESPN version. At 9, it's back to Fox for "Family Guy", which is easily the funniest show on television. As long as the well doesn't run dry on hilarious pop culture references, that show won't get old. "The War At Home" has moved to 9:30 this year and it's a decent show, enough to hold my attention anyway.

Monday night used to mean "7th Heaven" on the WB. The network no longer exists, and the show should have followed suit like it was going to. It has already exceeded its shelf life by a couple years. The CW certainly could have come up with another new show to take its place or brought "Everwood" over from the WB instead. By moving it to Sunday nights, they'll allow it to slowly fade away. Thanks to some last minute schedule tinkering, 8:00 on Mondays now belongs to "Everybody Hates Chris". Chris Rock has done a fantastic job with this show, and adding Whoopi Goldberg to the cast was a great move. Last year, this was on Thursday nights, which meant I rarely could see it cuz other stuff was on. In this new time slot, I thought I could watch it... but then CBS moved "How I Met Your Mother" to 8:00. I got into this show right at the beginning last year because of its great cast, which includes Neil Patrick Harris ("Doogie Howser") and Alyson Hannigan, who found her niche as a comedic actress with the "American Pie" movies. So it looks like I don't get to watch "Chris" this year, either. At 8:30, CBS has put a new sitcom called "The Class"... because it didn't work as the lead-in show at 8, and there's a good reason... it's not good.

At 9:00, it's over to NBC for "Heroes". This a new show that sucked me in with its premise: evolution has caused people everywhere to develop superpowers, and now they are banding together to save the world. No costumes here, just regular people. Fox has moved their outstanding new show, "Justice", to 9:00 Monday from Wednesday where it debuted. Jerry Bruckheimer put his CSI touch on the show with the fancy effects and such, and the only thing I can compare it to is the movie "Runaway Jury". If you liked that movie, you'll love this show. However, since it's now on at the same time as "Heroes", I have to tape one and watch the other. "Studio 60" is on at 10:00 but I can't stay up that late so I have yet to see it, but I want to.

As for Tuesday night... I saw the debut of "Friday Night Lights" on NBC, and it did hold my attention. It's a very fast-paced show with a lot going on that you have to keep track of. The actual game action... sorry, it played like a copy of "Varsity Blues" and a little too Hollywood for me; coming back from down 10 in the last minute with your backup quarterback in the game? There's room for improvement but I'll keep watching when I can. Fox has "House" on in that time slot, and that's an okay show. What I didn't realize is that Hugh Laurie, the star of that show, is BRITISH. I happened to land on an episode of "Inside the Actors Studio" where he was the guest, and I was shocked. I've got more respect for the guy; for a British guy, he can do an outstanding "pissed off American" accent.

Wednesday nights at 8:00, I watch "30 Rock" on NBC... for now. They're already planning to move it to Thursday at 9, which will not work for me (I'll explain later). What I've seen of the show though has been great. Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin make a hilarious team, and who'd think I'd ever say this but Alec Baldwin's a pretty funny guy. After that... nothing. There's just nothing good on afterward. I tried to get into "Lost" at the beginning, and the only thing I "lost" was interest.

Thursday nights at 8:00 are, as usual, a traffic jam. Fox has "Til Death", which is a hilarious new sitcom starring Brad Garrett from "Everybody Loves Raymond", and instead of playing a character, he gets to be more himself. At the same time, "My Name Is Earl" is on NBC, which I also love. Jason Lee equals funny and he wouldn't have been in 5 Kevin Smith movies if that weren't true. And "Smallville" is on the CW. "Smallville" wins because it's an hour long... and between that and "Heroes", I do seem to be getting some kind of comic-book TV thing going. At 10:00, ABC has placed "Six Degrees", a new drama about random people in New York becoming interconnected. It's very interesting to watch... although I have to admit I will watch anything with Erika Christensen in it... cuz she's hot.

That leaves us with Friday and Saturday nights, or as I call them, "the black hole of programming." The networks don't even TRY to put anything decent on these nights anymore, because people my age go out those nights, whether it's dinner, the movies, a bar, we're not at home, so why put something worthwhile on.

And there you have it... and that's not even all the shows, because of course some of them haven't debuted yet. The words "new fall season" are not supposed to mean that it takes the entire "season" of fall to roll all these out. Fox waited until November (after the playoffs) to start the next season of "The OC", which was last seen jumping the shark when they killed Marissa off in last season's finale. Good thing Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson have some movie roles under their belts; I think they realized that their meal ticket is just about done. However, I'll still watch it, which means Thursday at 9 is occupied and I can't watch "30 Rock". And we will have to wait until January for "24" (which I love), and "American Idol" (which I ignore). For now, though, this is as good as it gets. Thank you and good night.